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Hoofstuk 4 “Dolksteke”

"Praat sonder om te dink kan soos dolksteke wees;
 wyse mense bring genesing met wat hulle sê."
—Spreuke 12:18

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God spoke the entire world into existence. The Lord told us that we would be judged by every word we speak. Yet, the world tells us to speak our minds. Let’s search the Scriptures together to discover what God has to say about the tongue.

God het die hele wêreld in bestaan gepraat. Die Here sê vir ons dat ons vir elke woord wat ons sê ons rekenskap moet gee op die oordeelsdag. Tog, sê die wêreld vir ons om te sê wat ons dink. Kom ons deursoek die Woord saam om te ontdek wat God oor die tong sê.

The Tongue: Small, Yet Deadly!
Die Tong: Klein, Maar Dodelik!

Set on fire by hell. “So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. Behold, how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell” (James 3:5–6).

Uit die hel aan die brand gesteek. “So is die tong ook maar ‘n klein liggaamsdeeltjie, en tog het dit groot mag. ‘n Klein vuurtjie kan ‘n groot bos aan die brand steek.  Die tong is ook ‘n vuur, ‘n wêreld vol ongeregtigheid, die deel van die liggaam wat die hele mens besmet.  Dit steek die hele lewe, van die geboorte af tot die dood toe, aan die brand, en self word dit uit die hel aan die brand gesteek.” (Jak. 3:5-6).

No one can tame the tongue. “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father; and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?” (James 3:8–11). But thank the Lord that “nothing will be impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).

Geen mens kan die tong tem nie.  “maar geen mens kan die tong tem nie.  Dit is ‘n rustelose kwaad, vol dodelike gif.  Met die tong loof ons die Here en Vader, en met die tong vloek ons die mense wat as die beeld van God gemaak is.  Uit dieselfde mond kom lof en vloek.  My  broers so moet dit nie wees nie. ‘n Fontein laat tog nie uit dieselfde oog vars en brak water opborrel nie.” (Jak. 3:8-11). Maar dank die Here dat “Niks vir God onmoontlik nie.” (Lukas 1:37).

The Lord knows. Here is a sobering thought: “Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, Thou dost know it all” (Ps. 139:4). This should bring about great conviction. We need to watch not only what we say, but also what we think.

Die Here weet. Hier is ‘n ontnugterende gedagte: “Daar is nog nie ‘n woord op my tong nie of U, Here, weet wat dit gaan wees.” (Ps. 139:4). Dit behoort groot oortuiging teweeg te bring. Ons moet nie net dophou wat ons sê nie, maar ook wat ons dink.  

We need a muzzle! “I said, ‘I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle’” (Ps. 39:1). Be careful about what you say. You may have great physical strength, but how about the strength required for self-control?

Ek wil nie ‘n woord praat nie! “Ek het gesê: “Ek wil sorgvuldig let op my lewe en nie sondig met wat ek nie. Ek wil nie ‘n woord praat as ‘n slegte mens my teëstaan nie.” (Ps. 39:1). Wees versigtig met wat jy sê. Jy mag dalk groot fisiese krag hê, maar wat van die krag wat benodig is vir self-beheersing?

Crushes the spirit. “A soothing tongue is a tree of life but perversion in it crushes the spirit” (Prov. 15:4). Are the words you speak to your wife, your children, or those at your place of work soothing? Ask yourself if you have been crushing the spirit of those you are to protect.

Waarvan Hy ‘n afsku het. Kalmerende woorde bring lewe, skynheilige woorde breek mense.” (Spr. 15:4). Is die woorde wat jy met jou vrou, jou kinders, of die by jou werksplek  mee praat kalmerend? Vra jouself of jy die gees van die wie jy moet beskerm vermorsel.

God tells us to choose our words wisely.
God sê ons moet ons woorde wys kies.

Guard your mouth. How many times have you gotten into trouble by the words you have spoken?“The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom, but the perverted tongue will be cut out” (Prov. 10:31). “There is one who speaks rashly like thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18).“He who guards his mouth and his tongue guards his soul from trouble” (Prov. 21:23).

Hou jou mond en tong in toom. Hoeveel keer het jy al in die moeilikheid gekom met die woorde wat jy gespreek het? “Daar kom wysheid uit die mond van die regverdige, ‘n tong wat kwaad stig, sal uitgesny word.” (Spr. 10:31). “Praat sonder om te dink kan soos dolksteke wees; wyse mense bring genesing met wat hulle .” (Spr. 12:18). “Wie sy mond en sy tong in toom hou, hou hom uit gevaar. “ (Spr. 21:23).

What proceeds out of your mouth? This statement is clear. What you say is very important. “For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned” (Matt. 12:37). “It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man” (Matt. 15:11). “. . . Put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech . . .” (Col.3:8).

Wat by die mond uitkom? Die stelling is duidelik. Wat jy sê is baie belangrik. “Op grond van jou eie woorde sal jy vrygespreek of veroordeel word.” (Matt. 12:37). “Dit is nie wat by die mond ingaan wat die mens onrein maak nie. Maar wat by die mond uitkom, dit maak ‘n mens onrein.” Matt. 15:11. “...maar nou moet julle al hierdie dinge laat staan: woede, haat, nyd en gevloek…” (Kol. 3:8).

Sweetness of speech. If you have hurt your wife by what you have said or in your attitude toward her, God is faithful to offer a cure. “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Prov. 16:24). “Sweetness of speechincreases persuasiveness” (Prov.16:21).

Woorde wat reg gekies is. As jy jou vrou onteer het met wat jy vir  hom gesê het, of in jou houding teenoor haar, is God getrou om genesing te bied.  “Aangename woorde is heuning, soet en geneeskragtig vir die mens.” (Spr. 16:24). “En as hy sy woorde reg kies,  kan hy ook ander leer.” (Spr. 16:21).

Righteous lips. Is there anyone who doesn’t appreciate a kind word? “Righteous lips are the delight of kings, and he who speaks right is loved” (Prov. 16:13). “Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord” (Eph. 5:19).

Eerlike mense. Is daar enige iemand wat nie ‘n vriendelike woord waardeer nie? “Eerlike mense geniet die koning se goedgesindheid; hy hou van mense wat die waarheid praat.” (Spr. 16:13). “..en sing onder mekaar psalms, lofgesange en ander geestelike liedere; sing met julle hele hart tot eer van die Here.” (Efe. 5:19).

Have you matured? Or do you still act childishly by saying things that hurt others? One of the biggest lies we learned as children was “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We probably still have not recovered from some of the words that were said to us as children. Have you hurt your wife or your children with your words? “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things” (1 Cor. 13:11).

Het jy volwasse geword? Of is jy nog ‘n kind wat dinge sê wat ander seermaak? Een van die grootste leuens wat ons as kinders geleer het was “stokke en klippe mag my bene breek, maar woorde sal my nooit seermaak nie. Ons het seker nog steeds nie herstel van goed wat vir ons as kinders gesê is nie. Het jy jou vrou of kinders met jou woorde seergemaak? “Toe ek ‘n kind was, het ek gepraat soos ‘n kind, geredeneer soos ‘n kind.  Maar noudat ek ‘n man is, is ek klaar met die dinge van ‘n kind.” (1 Kor. 13:11). 

God is very specific concerning how we are to give an answer.
God is baie spesifiek oor hoe ons ‘n antwoord moet gee.

A gentle answer. When anger or wrath is directed toward us, God tells us the Christian response we must make in order to glorify Him. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger” (Prov. 15:1).

‘n Sagte antwoord. Wanneer toorn of woede teen ons gemik word, vertel God ons hoe om te reageer om Hom sodoende te verheerlik as Christene. “‘n Sagte antwoord laat woede bedaar; ‘n krenkende antwoord laat woede ontvlam.” (Spr. 15:1).

Ponder how to answer. Do you think before you speak?“The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Prov. 15:28). Do you just pour out evil on other people? If so, Scripture says you have the mouth of the wicked! “By forbearance [a proper facial expression] a ruler may be persuaded and a soft tongue breaks the bone” (Prov. 25:15). (Or “soft answer” in the KJV.)

Dink voor hy antwoord. Dink jy voor jy praat?“ ‘n Regverdige mens dink voor hy antwoord; goddelose mense sê net slegte dinge.” (Spr. 15:28). Stort jy net slegte dinge oor ander mense uit? Indien so, Die Skrif sê jy is goddeloos! “Met geduld kan iemand in ‘n magsposisie tot ander insigte gebring word; met ‘n verstandige benadering word weerstand afgebreek.” (Spr. 25:15). (Of “versigtige benadering” in die NLV)

Folly and shame. Do you halfway listen or cut off the other person before he or she has had a chance to finish speaking or asking you a question?“He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him” (Prov. 18:13). Give your wife an opportunity to get everything off her chest. Ask her questions so you are sure you understand what she is trying to tell you and why. Is she in need of empathy? Give her a listening and understanding ear. Or, perhaps she needs help discerning something that just “talking it out” will accomplish. Many times your wife doesn’t want you to fix her problems; she just needs understanding and encouragement. This sometimes takes a lot of patience. But, patience is the proof of your love. Are you doing all you can to be patient with your wife? Prove your love for her by being patient and understanding.

Dwaas en skandalig. Luister jy halfpad of sny jy die ander persoon af voordat hy of sy ‘n kans gehad het om klaar te praat of om jou ‘n vraag te vra? “Wie antwoord voor hy die vraag gehoor het, is dwaas en kom in die skande.” (Spr. 18:13). Gee jou vrou die geleentheid om alles van haar hart af te kry. Vra haar vrae sodat jy seker is jy verstaan wat sy besig is om jou te vertel en waarom. Het sy empatie nodig? Gee vir haar ‘n luisterende en begrypende oor. Of, miskien het sy hulp nodig om te onderskei wat net om daaroor te praat sal bereik. Baie keer wil jou vrou nie hê dat jy haar probleme moet regmaak nie, sy het net begrip en bemoediging nodig. Dit neem somtyds baie geduld. Maar geduld, is die bewys van jou liefde. Doen jy alles wat jy kan om geduldig mt jou vrou te wees? Bewys jou liefde vir haar deur geduldig en begrypend te wees. 

Washed with the Word. Do you bless your wife with God’s Word and with your loving, edifying words? If not, then you are not experiencing the blessing of a holy and blameless wife. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless” (Eph. 5:25).

Gereinig met die Woord. Seën jy jou vrou met God se Woord en met jou liefdevolle, opbouende woorde? Indien nie, dan ervaar jy nie die seën van ‘n heilige en onberispelike vrou nie. “Mans, julle moet julle vrouens liefhê soos Christus die kerk liefgehad en sy lewe daarvoor afgelê het. Dit het Hy gedoen om die kerk aan God te wy, nadat Hy dit met die water en die woord gereinig het, sodat Hy die kerk in volle heerlikheid by Hom kan neem, sonder vlek of rimpel of iets dergeliks, heilig en onberispelik” (Efe. 5:25).  

Beware of how much you say.
Pas op vir hoeveel jy sê.

Many words. When there is a lot of talking and discussing, transgression (a violation of God’s Law) cannot be avoided. “With many words transgression is unavoidable” (Prov. 10:19). As the leader, properly direct lengthy discussions to a conclusion. This does not mean that you are to cut your wife off when it’s her turn, or drop a hurtful “bomb” and then say the matter is finished. Be sure you understand her and make sure she knows you do by giving her a positive and loving response. If you don’t think you agree, tell her you need time to pray about it. Then do just that.

Baie praat. Wanneer daar baie praat en besprekings is, kan oortreding (oortreding van God se Wette) nie vermy word nie. “Met baie praat bly die sonde nie uit nie.” (Spr. 10:19). As die leier, dirigeer langdurige bespreking behoorlik tot ‘n konklusie. Dit beteken nie jy moet jou vrou afsny wanneer dit haar beurt is nie, of ‘n “kwetsende “bom” laat bars en dan sê dat die saak klaar is nie. Wees seker jy verstaan haar en maak seker sy weet jy doen deur vir haar ‘n positiewe en liefdevolle antwoord te gee. As jy dink jy stem nie saam nie, sê vir haar jy het tyd nodig om daaroor te bid. Doen dit dan.  

Guards his mouth. Others tell us to speak our minds and to share what we think—but God says: “A man of understanding keeps silent” (Prov. 11:12). And, “One who guards his mouth preserves his life; one who opens it comes to ruin” (Prov. 13:3).

Mond in bedwang.   Ander sê ons moet ons menings lig en deel wat ons dink— maar God sê: “ ‘n Verstandige mens swyg.” (Spr. 11:12). En, “Wie sy mond in bedwang hou behou sy lewe; wie sy mond nie kan hou nie, gaan sy ondergang tegemoet.” (Spr. 13:3).

Considered wise. God actually says that we practice wisdom and are considered prudent when we say nothing. “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise. When he closes his lips he is counted as prudent” (Prov. 17:28).

Aangesien vir ‘n wyse. Eintlik sê God dat ons wysheid toepas en wys voorkom as ons niks sê nie. “As ‘n dwaas nie praat nie, kan selfs hy aangesien word vir ‘n wyse, en as hy sy mond toehou, vir ‘n verstandige mens.” (Spr. 17:28).

Anything more. “But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’—anything beyond these is of evil” (Matt. 5:37). Nod your head up and down when your wife is talking to you. She will spend much less time trying to be heard and understood if you keep your eyes and mind on her, rather than watching the TV or reading the paper.

Enigiets meer.  “Laat julle ‘ja’ eenvoudig ‘ja’ wees en julle ‘nee’ ‘nee’— Wat meer gesê word as dit, kom van die Bose.” (Matt. 5:37). Knik jou kop op en af wanneer jou vrou met jou praat. Sy sal baie minder tyd spandeer om gehoor en verstaan te word as jy jou oë en verstand op haar hou, eerder as om TV te kyk of die koerant te lees.

Empty chatter. “Guard what has been entrusted to you, avoiding worldly and empty chatter,and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called ‘knowledge’—which some have professed and thus gone astray from the faith” (1 Tim. 6:20). You don’t need to argue your point; just state your decision based on prayer and God’s leading. However, you must resist using your authority to get your own way; your decision must be of the Lord’s leading. When your wife sees that your heart is striving to follow the right way, the Lord’s way, then she will stop trying to control or manipulate you.

Sinlose praatjies. “Bewaar wat aan jou toevertrou is, vermy die onheilige sinlose praatjies en die redenasies van die ‘kennis’, soos dit verkeerdelik genoem word. Daar is mense wat daardie ‘kennis’ aanhang en so van die geloof afgedwaal het.” (1Tim. 6:20). Jy hoef nie oor jou punt te argumenteer nie; verklaar net jou besluit gebaseer op gebed en God se leiding. Nietemin, jy moet dit  weerstaan om jou autoriteit te gebruik om jou sin te kry; jou besluit moet onder die Here se leiding wees. Wanneer jou vrou sien dat jy streef om die regte pad te volg, die Here se pad, dan sal sy ophou om jou te probeer beheer en manipuleer.     

We are also instructed to be content and not to grumble.
Ons is ook beveel om tevrede te wees en nie te kla nie!

Do all things . . .“Do all things without grumbling or disputing” (Phil. 2:14). Do you find yourself often grumbling about a task before you do it? If it’s something you should be doing, do it and don’t grumble or dispute it! Yet, if you are being “railroaded” into doing something you don’t think you should, don’t do it. Remember the mess it got Adam (and all of us) into. “Then to Adam He said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you . . .’” (Gen. 3:1). “Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17).

Doen alles . . .  “Doen alles sonder kla of teëpraat.” (Fil. 2:14). Vind jy jouself dikwels kla oor ‘n taak voor jy dit doen? As dit iets is wat jy behoort te doen, doen dit en moenie kla of teëpraat nie! Tog, as jy “gedwarsboom” is om iets te doen wat jy nie dink jy behoort te doen nie, moet dit nie doen nie. Onthou die gemors wat dit Adam (en almal van ons) in gekry het. “Vir die mens het die Here God gesê: “Omdat jy na jou vrou geluister het en geëet het van die boom waarvan Ek jou verbied het om te eet . . .’” (Gen. 3:17). “As iemand weet wat die regte ding is om te doen en hy doen dit nie, is dit sonde” (Jakobus 4:17).

Whatever the circumstances. Are you someone who has to complain about everything that happens to you? You must learn contentment.“Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Phil. 4:11). Are you setting a good example for your wife and children? Are you as the head of your household demonstrating to your family how to be content in the midst of trials, or how to be a grumbler and complainer?

Wat ook al die omstandighede. Is jy iemand wat moet kla oor alles wat met jou gebeur? Jy moet leer om vergenoeg te wees. “Nie dat ek dit uit gebrek sê nie, want ek het geleer om vergenoeg te wees met die omstandighede waarin ek is.” (Fil. 4:11). Stel jy ‘n goeie voorbeeld vir jou vrou en kinders? Demonstreer jy as die hoof van die huishouding aan jou familie hoe om vergenoeg ten midde van beproewings te wees, of hoe om ‘n kermkous en ‘n klaer te wees?

Great gain. Godliness and contentment must go hand in hand. “But godliness is actually a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment” (1 Tim. 6:6).

Groot wins. Godsdiens en tevredenheid moet hand in hand gaan.  “Die godsdiens is ‘n groot wins as iemand tevrede is met wat hy het.” (1Tim. 6:6).   

Content? “. . . being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you’” (Heb. 13:5). Are you satisfied with what you have? Or are you constantly trying to upgrade all your “toys” and possessions?

Vergenoeg? “. . .wees tevrede (vergenoeg) met wat julle het.  Want God self het gesê: “Ek sal jou nooit verlaat nie, jou nooit in die steek laat nie.” (Heb. 13:5). Is jy tevrede met wat jy het? Of probeer jy aanhoudend om al jou “speelgoed” en besittings op te gradeer?

Do not crush the spirit. Proverbs tells us that our speech can crush our wives’ spirits. “A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion (or “obstinance”) in it crushes the spirit” (Prov.15:4).

Moet nie mense breek nie. Spreuke vertel ons ook wat ons spraak aan ons vrouens se gees kan doen. “Kalmerende woorde bring lewe, skynheilige woorde breek mense.” (Spr. 15:4).  

Is arguing good for marriage?
Is argumentering goed vir die huwelik?

A dry morsel. Some “experts” say that arguing can actually be good for a marriage. What does God say? “Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it, than a house full of feasting with strife” (Prov. 17:1). Strife is defined as a prolonged struggle for power or superiority. There should be no struggle for power or superiority if each one in the family knows his or her role, and each one concentrates on fulfilling that role. Strife comes when these duties are neglected, or when each person is too busy seeing to it that the other person is doing what they should do.

Stukkie droë brood. Sommige “deskundiges” sê dat argumentering goed is vir ‘n huwelik. Wat sê God.  “Liewer ‘n stukkie droë brood met vrede daarby as ‘n huis vol kos met ‘n getwis daarby.” (Spr. 17:1).Die definisie van twis is ‘n verlengde stryd vir mag en meerwaardigheid. Daar behoort geen stryd vir mag of superioriteit te wees as elkeen in die familie sy of haar rol ken nie, en elkeen konsentreeer om daardie rol te vervul. Getwis kom wanneer hierdie pligte verwaarloos word, of wanneer elke persoon te besig is om te sien of die ander persoon besig is om te doen wat hulle behoort te doen. 

On the subject of quietness—be sure your children are quiet and under your control! It’s not only your wife’s responsibility to keep them quiet; your presence should warrant respect and silence. (See Chapter 14, “Father’s Instructions.”)

Op die onderwerp van stilheid— wees seker jou kinders is stil en onder jou beheer! Dit is nie net jou vrou se verantwoordelikheid om hulle stil te hou nie; jou teenwoordigheid behoort respek en stilheid te regverdig. (Sien Hoofstuk 14, “Vader se Instruksies.”)

Abandon the quarrel. Do you abandon the quarrel, or do you fight until you win? “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (Prov. 17:14). Again, you do not need to struggle, argue, or prove yourself to be the head of your home. God has given you the position of leadership. This is not a place of pride or arrogance; your head-ship is to be used to guide, protect, and manage your family wisely under God’s direction.

Staak die getwis. Staak jy die getwis, of baklei jy totdat jy wen? “Om rusie te begin, is om ‘n damwal te breek; staak liewer die getwis voor die vloed jou tref’” (Spr. 17:14). Weer, jy hoef nie te sukkel, argumenteer, of jouself te bewys dat jy die hoof van die huis is nie. God het vir jou daardie posisie van leierskap gegee. Die is nie ‘n plek van hoogmoed of arrogansie nie; jou hoof-skap is om te lei, beskerm, en jou familie op ‘n wyse manier onder God se leiding te bestuur.

Any fool will quarrel. “A fool’s lips bring strife, and his mouth calls for blows” (Prov. 18:6). Your wife may even take a swing at you if your words are extremely painful to her. Of course, she is no match. This could then become an abusive situation. Remember, abandon the quarrel before it breaks out! She is wrong for throwing a punch, or maybe even starting the verbal fighting, but you are to be the leader and savior of the body. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body” (Eph. 5:23). Remember, “. . . any fool will quarrel!” (Prov. 20:3).

Enige dwaas kan ‘n rusie begin. “ ‘n Dwaas praat hom in ‘n rusie in, hy soek slae met wat hy sê.” (Spr.18:6). Jou vrou mag jou selfs te lyf gaan as jou woorde uiters pynlik is vir haar. Natuurlik, is sy geen kompetisie nie. Dit kan dan ‘n situasie vir mishandeling word. Onthou staak die getwis voordat dit te ver gaan! Sy is verkeerd om jou te lyf te gaan, of om miskien die verbale bakleiery te begin, maar jy moet die leier en verlosser van die liggaam wees. “Die man is die hoof van die vrou, soos Christus die hoof van die kerk is. Christus is ook die Verlosser van die liggaam, sy kerk” (Efe. 5:23). Onthou, . . . enige dwaas kan ‘n rusie begin” (Spr. 20:3).

Dealt treacherously. “. . . The Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:14–15).

Ontrou. “ . . .Dit is omdat die Here weet wat gebeur het tussen jou en die vrou met wie jy van jou jeug af getroud is: jy was ontrou aan haar, ontrou aan jou eie vrou, die vrou aan wie jy plegtig trou belowe het. Daar is nog iets wat julle doen. Julle huil en kerm en sug by die altaar van die Here omdat Hy nie meer julle offers wil aanneem nie, Die Here het man en vrou een gemaak, een in liggaam en gees. En waarom een? Omdat Hy wil hê dat daar 'n nageslag moet wees wat Hom eer. Beheers julle, moenie ontrou wees aan die vrou met wie jy van jou jeug af getroud is nie” (Mal. 2:14-15).

If you have dealt treacherously with your wife, then God is saying to you that you have not even a remnant of His Spirit! Very sobering. Let’s each take a hard look at ourselves and get right with God and our wives.

As jy ontrou was aan jou vrou, dan sal God nie meer julle offers wil aanvaar nie! Baie nugterend. Kom ons elkeen neem ‘n harde blik na onsself en maak dit reg met ons vrouens en met God.   

Covers his garment with wrong. “‘For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘and him who covers his garment with wrong,’ says the Lord of hosts. ‘So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously’” (Mal. 2:16). Treacherously in the Hebrew translation is defined as “to deal deceitfully or unfaithfully, offend, transgress, or depart.” To cover your garment with wrong is defined as “one who is violent, unjust, cruel, an oppressor.” Many men are in a physical battle or emotional battle with their wives. We have all seen or known women who try to act as tough as men, but are they? Can they ever be? In sports that require strength, can men and women ever compete fairly? Of course not. God gives us an outward appearance to show us women and men were created differently. Have you ever been witness to a successful businesswoman who gave way to tears? Why are we shocked when this happens? Because we have been fooled by her outward appearance into thinking that she was every bit as tough as a man. It is the hope of this ministry that your wife, after reading the Workbook for Women, will decide to seek a gentle and quiet spirit and allow herself to be the weaker vessel. How will you respond? Will you crush her or cherish her? (See Proverbs 15:4 and Ephesians 5:29.)

Geweld. “Die Here die God van Israel sê Hy haat egskeiding. Egskeiding is niks anders as geweld nie, sê die Here die Almagtige. Beheers julle, moenie ontrou wees nie. Baie mans is in ‘n fisiese of emosionele stryd met hulle vrouens. Ons het al almal vrouens gesien of ken wat probeer om so taai soos mans op te tree, maar is hulle? Kan hulle ooit wees? In sports wat krag vereis, kan mans en vrouens ooit regverdig kompeteeer? Natuurlik nie. God gee vir ons ‘n uiterlike voorkoms om te wys dat mans en vrouens verskillend geskep is. Kan jy getuig van ‘n suksesvolle besigheidsvrou wat huil? Waarom is ons geskok wanneer dit gebeur? Omdat ons deur haar uiterlike voorkoms geflous is om te dink dat sy net so taai is soos ‘n man. Dit is die hoop van die bediening dat jou vrou, nadat sy die Werkboek vir Vrouens gelees het, sal besluit om ‘n stil en sagmoedige gees na te streef en haarself toe te laat om die swakker geslag te wees. Hoe sal jy reageer? (Sien Spreuke 15:4 en Efesiërs 5:29)   

What is so important about agreeing with others, especially my wife?
Wat is so belangrik om met ander saam te stem, veral my vrou?

Agree. Agree with your wife and others, especially when they are hurt or upset. “Agree with thine adversary quickly, while thou art in the way with him . . .” (Matt. 5:25, KJV). Listening and nodding your head will help a lot when someone is angry or frustrated. So many times we play the “devil’s advocate,” trying to show someone the other side. (The name alone should warn us of probable consequences!) Give the other person a chance to share their thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. Get on their side. Don’t fuel the fire. Later, when they feel they have been heard and understood, they may be receptive to your pointing out a different view. When you are humble enough to show another person understanding, especially when that person is out of control, you are reaching spiritual maturity.

Kom betyds tot ‘n skikking. Stem saam met jou vrou en ander, veral wanneer hulle gekwets of ontsteld is. “Kom betyds tot ‘n skikking solank jy nog op pad saam met hom hof toe is…” (Matt. 5:25 Afr 83). Om te luister en jou kop te knik sal baie help wanneer iemand kwaad of gefrustreerd is. So baie keer speel ons “duiwels advokaat,” om te probeer om iemand die ander kant te wys. (Die naam alleen behoort ons te waarsku oor moontlike nagevolge!) Gee die ander persoon ‘n kans om hulle gedagtes, gevoelens, en frustrasies te deel. Gaan aan hulle kant. Moet nie die vuur stook nie. Later, wanneer hulle voel dat hulle gehoor en verstaan is, mag hulle vatbaar wees as jy ‘n verskillende oogpunt uitwys. Wanneer jy nederig genoeg is om vir  ‘n ander persoon begrip te wys, spesiaal wanneer daardie persoon buite beheer is, bereik jy geestelike volwassenheid.

Divided against itself. Satan does all he can to illuminate the areas where you don’t agree so he can divide and conquer your family. “Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself shall not stand” (Matt. 12:25). And in Luke, “Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and a house divided against itself falls” (Luke 11:17). “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel” (Prov. 20:3).

Onderling verdeeld. Satan doen alles wat hy kan om die areas waar jy nie saamstem nie te illumineer sodat hy jou familie kan verdeel en oorwin. “Elke koninkryk wat onderling verdeeld is, gaan te gronde, en geen stad of huis wat onderling verdeeld is, sal bly staan nie” (Matt 15:25). En in Lukas, “Elke koninkryk wat onderling verdeeld is, gaan te gronde, en 'n huisgesin wat onderling verdeeld is, spat uitmekaar” (Lukas 11:17). “Dit is eerbaar om 'n rusie te vermy; enige dwaas kan 'n rusie begin” (Spr. 20:3).

Agreement. This verse will show you why a disagreement between Christian couples is so important to Satan. “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 18:19). When we don’t agree as a couple, we actually cancel each other out. For instance, if you are voting for opposing political candidates, you might as well stay home. “But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations knowing that they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged” (2 Tim. 2:23).

Saamstem. Hierdie vers sal jou wys waarom ‘n onenigheid tussen Christen paartjies so belangrik is vir Satan. “Verder verseker Ek julle: As twee van julle op aarde oor enige saak saamstem en daaroor bid, sal my Vader wat in die hemel is, hulle dit laat kry.” (Matt. 18:19). Wanneer ons nie saamstem as ‘n paartjie nie kanselleer ons mekaar uit. Byvoorbeeld, as jy vir opponerende politiese partye stem, kan jy net sowel by die huis bly. “Moet jou nie met dwase en sinlose strydvrae inlaat nie, want jy weet tog dat dit net rusies veroorsaak. 'n Dienaar van die Here moenie rusie maak nie. Inteendeel, hy moet vriendelik wees teenoor almal, bekwaam om ander te leer en iemand wat onreg kan dra” (2 Tim 2:23,24).

Deeds of the flesh are evident. It is evident to other Christians and certainly to God when the way we act is of a fleshly nature. “Deeds of the flesh are evident . . . strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, envying . . .” (Gal. 5:19–21). “If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth . . .” (1 Tim. 6:3–5).

Die praktyke van die sondige natuur is algemeen bekend. Dit is bekend aan ander Christene en sekerlik aan God wanneer die manier wat ons optree van ons sondige natuur is. “Die praktyke van die sondige natuur is algemeen bekend: ...towery, vyandskap, haat, naywer, woede, rusies, verdeeldheid …”  (Gal. 5:19-21). “As iemand ‘n ander leer verkondig en nie hou by die gesonde woorde van ons Here Jesus Christus en by die leer van ons godsdiens nie, is hy verwaand en weet hy niks. Hy het ‘n sieklike beheptheid met twisvrae en met stryery oor woorde. Daaruit ontstaan afguns, twis, beledigings, gemene verdagmakery, voortdurende rusie van mense wat verstandelik verward en van die waarheid beroof is….” (1Tim. 6:3-5).

Fruit of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Gal. 5:22). “Urge bondslaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative” (Titus 2:9). As a Christian, you are Jesus’ bondslave; He bought you with a price. You are not your wife’s bondslave. You, as Christ’s bondslave, need to be pleasing to Him. You can be patient with others, yet firm in your faith. Do not think that you must give in to your wife’s desires; stand for what is right. And, abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. You need not prove yourself, or get your wife to agree with your way of thinking; just be firm and loving in your decisions as the head of your family, and be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19).

Vrug van die Gees “Die vrug van die Gees, daarteenoor, is liefde, vreugde, vrede, geduld, vriendelikheid, goedhartigheid, getrouheid, nederigheid en selfbeheersing. Teen sulke dinge het die wet niks nie (Gal. 5: 22,23). Die slawe moet in alles aan hulle eienaars onderdanig wees en hulle tevrede stel. Hulle moenie teëpraat” (Titus 2:9). As ‘n Christen is jy Jesus se slaaf; Hy het jou met ‘n prys gekoop. Jy is nie jou vrou se slaaf nie. Jy, as Christus se slaaf, moet in Hom behaag. Jy kan geduldig met ander wees, tog ferm in jou geloof. Moet nie dink dat jy moet ingee vir jou vrou se begeertes nie; staan vir wat reg is. En, onthou staak die getwis voordat dit te ver gaan. Jy hoef nie jouself te bewys nie, of jou vrou te kry om saam te stem met jou denkwyse nie; wees net ferm en liefdevol in jou besluite as hoof van die familie, en gewillig wees om te luister, nie te gou praat nie en nie te gou kwaad word nie” (Jakobus 1:19). 

Slow to anger. You have heard some say that, since Jesus was angry and turned over the tables in the temple, we can be angry. James 1:19–20 says, “But let everyone be quick to hear; slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the angerof man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” (See Chapter 6, “The Angry Man,” for more knowledge.)

Nie te gou kwaad word nie. Party mense sê dat, aangesien Jesus kwaad geword het en die tafels in die tempel omgegooi het, ons ook kan kwaad word. Jakobus 1:19-20 sê “:elke mens moet maar te gewillig wees om te luister, nie te gou praat nie en nie te gou kwaad word nie. ‘n Mens wat kwaad word, doen nie wat voor God reg is nie.” (Sien Hoofstuk 6, “Die Kwaai Man,” vir meer kennis).

Again, agree! You must try to find the area of agreement instead of the point of disagreement. “Again I say that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 18:19). Take charge of a disagreement—nod your head, find the points you agree on, and state them to her out loud. Wives want to be heard; everyone does. That’s why people get louder and begin screaming or yelling their point; they want to be heard and understood. Take time to consider the areas that you agree on and move in that direction.

Weer, stem saam! Julle moet probeer om ‘n ooreenkoms te bereik in plaas van onenigheid. “Verder verseker Ek julle: As twee van julle op aarde oor enige saak saamstem en daaroor bid, sal my Vader wat in die hemel is, hulle dit laat kry.” (Matt. 18:19). Neem beheer van ‘n onenigheid—knik jou kop, vind die punte waarop julle saamstem, en verklaar hulle luid na haar toe. Vrouens wil gehoor word; almal doen. Dit is waarom mense luider word en begin om hulle punt uit te skree of te gil; hulle wil gehoor en verstaan word. Neem tyd om die areas waarin jy verstaan word te oorweeg en beweeg in daardie rigting.  

What does God think of a lying tongue, besides the fact that He hates it?
Wat dink God van ‘n tong wat lieg, buiten die feit dat Hy dit haat?

The Lord hates. Let’s read on in Proverbs that tells us much about lying. “There are six things which the Lord hates, yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood (abortionists) . . .” (Prov. 6:16–17). God not only hates lying and thinks it’s an abomination, but also lists a lying tongue alongside an abortionist!

Die Here haat. Laat ons voort lees in Spreuke wat ons baie van lieg vertel. “Die Here haat ses dinge nee, daar is sewe waarvan Hy ‘n afsku het: oë wat straal van hoogmoed, ‘n tong wat lieg, hande wat met bloed bevlek is(aborsioniste) . . .” (Spr. 6:16-18). God haat nie net leuens en dink dit is ‘n gruwel nie, maar Hy lys ook ‘n leuenaar met ‘n aborteur!

Deceitful. “Deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue” (Ps. 120:2). When someone, possibly your wife, catches you in a lie (or what you call “a fib”), do you deny it? Are you truthful? Do you debate about exactly what you said and try to twist the truth to your favor? Remember, the word deceitful is in the definition of dealing treacherously with your wife.

Bedrieërs.Red my uit die mag van leuenaars, Here, uit die mag van bedrieërs.” (Ps. 120.2). Wanneer iemand, moontlik jou vrou, jou in ‘n leuen vang (of wat jy ‘n “fib” noem), vang, ontken jy dit? Is jy eerlik? Debateer jy oor presies wat jy gesê het en probeer om die waarheid in jou guns te verdraai? Onthou, die woord bedrieg is die definisie om aan jou vrou ontrou te wees.  

Father of lies. And lastly, we never want to lie since the devil is the father of lies and lying is an abomination to God. “You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar, and the father of lies” (John 8:44). Remember, it’s the Truth that sets you free!

Die vader van die leuen. En laastens, ons wil nooit lieg nie want die duiwel is die vader van leuens en dit is ‘n gruwel vir God. “Julle is kinders van die duiwel; hy is julle vader, en julle wil doen wat julle vader wil hê julle moet doen. Hy was van die begin af ‘n moordenaar. En hy staan nie aan die kant van die waarheid nie, omdat daar geen waarheid in hom is nie. Wanneer hy leuentaal praat, is dit volgens sy aard, want hy is ‘n leuenaar en die vader van die leuen.” (Joh. 8:44). Onthou dit is die waarheid wat jou vrymaak!

Your tongue will be much harder to control if you’ve been drinking.
Jou tong sal baie moeiliker wees om te beheer as jy gedrink het.

Not wise. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise” (Prov. 20:1). The problem here is the person who is intoxicated by the effects of alcohol. Drinking alcohol is not in itself a sin. It is the evil that you speak, and other consequences—the effects of drinking too much.

Nie verstandig. “Wyn maak jou ligsinnig, drank laat jou lawaai maak; niemand wat van dronkenskap slinger, is verstandig nie” (Spr. 20:1). Die probleem hier is die persoon wat dronk is deur die effekte van alkohol. Om alkohol te drink is opsig self nie ‘n sonde nie. Dit is die bose wat jy praat, en ander nagevolge—die effekte van te veel drink.

Utter perverse things. “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long over wine, those who go to taste mixed wine. Do not look on the wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly; at the last it bites like a serpent, and stings like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things, and your mind will utter perverse things. And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of the sea, or like one who lies down on the top of a mast. ‘They struck me, but I did not become ill; they beat me, but I did not know it. When shall I awake? I will seek another drink’” (Prov. 23:29–35). A person who drinks a lot is not an “alcoholic.” Drinking to excess is not a disease; it’s a sin. Confess your sin if you are held by the cords of alcohol. If you stumble, continue to confess and cry out to God for deliverance.

Praat verkeerde dinge. “Wie is dit wat sug en steun, wat rusie maak en kla, onnodig seerkry en bloedbelope oë het? Dit is dié wat tot laat sit en drink, dié wat aanhou proe aan drank.  Moenie dat die wyn jou verlei as dit so rooi is, so vonkel in die beker, so lekker smaak nie. Agterna pik hy soos 'n slang, spoeg hy gif soos 'n kobra.  Dan sien jy vreemde dinge en praat jy verkeerde dinge; en jy dink: ek het dan nie seergekry toe hulle my geslaan het nie; ek het nie gevoel toe hulle my aangeval het nie! Wanneer word ek wakker? Ek wil maar weer iets gaan soek om te drink” (Spr. 23:29-35). ‘n Persoon wat baie drink is nie ‘n “alkolis” nie. Om oorbodig te drink is nie ‘n siekte nie; dit is ‘n sonde. Bely jou sondes as jy jou in jou sonde vasgedraai het. As jy struikel, gaan voort om te bely en roep na God uit vir uitlewering.

Proceeds out. “Not what enters into the mouth defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man” (Matt. 15:11). If what you are putting into yourself (alcohol) is causing your lips to transgress, then maybe you should stop. Ask your wife or others who are close to you—anyone who loves you enough to tell you the truth. “. . . They will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires . . .” (2 Tim. 4:3). Certainly you wouldn’t choose someone who has a weakness for alcohol to help you find the Truth, would you? “. . . The Truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

By die mond uitkom. “Dit is nie wat by die mond ingaan wat die mens onrein maak nie. Maar wat by die mond uitkom, dit maak 'n mens onrein” (Matt. 15:11). As dit wat jy in jouself sit (alkohol) veroorsaak dat jou lippe oortree, dam moet jy miskien ophou. Vra jou vrou of ander wat na aan jou is—enigiemand wat lief genoeg vir jou is om vir jou die waarheid te vertel. “ . . .  Hulle sal hulle eie begeertes volg en vir hulle leermeesters bymekaarmaak wat net sal sê wat hulle graag wil hoor . . .” (2 Tim. 4:3). Sekerlik sal jy nie iemand wat ‘n swakheid vir alkohol het kies om jou te help om die Waarheid te vind nie sal jy?” . . . Die Waarheid sal jou vrymaak” (Joh. 8:32).

To Sum Up
Om Op te Som

1. Be aware of how much you say—with many words transgression is unavoidable. Instead, let your communication be “Yes, yes” or “No, no”anything more than this will lead to evil.
1.Let op hoeveel jy sê - met baie woorde bly die sonde nie uit nie. In plaas daarvan, laat jou kommunikasie wees “Ja, ja”of “Nee, nee”- enige iets meer as dit sal lei tot sonde.

2.Be careful what you say—by your words you’ll be justified and by your words you’ll be condemned
2.Wees versigtig wat jy sê - op grond van jou eie woorde sal jy vrygespreek of veroordeel word!

3.Do not argue—agree with your adversary quickly!
3.Moet nie stry nie - stem gou saam met jou vyand!

4.Answer properly. Give a gentle answer, ponder (think awhile) how to answer, and don’t answer before you listen for it is folly and shame!
4.Antwoord behoorlik. Gee ‘n sagte antwoord, oorweeg (dink ‘n rukkie) hoe jy moet antwoord, en moenie antwoord voordat jy nie geluister het nie, dit is dwaas en skandelik!

5.Then learn to be content in whatever circumstances you are in.
5.Jy moet leer om in enige omstandighede, tevrede te wees.

6.If healing is needed, remember, pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones, and sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness.
6.As genesing nodig is, onthou aangename woorde is heuning soet en geneeskragtig vir die mens. en as hy sy woorde reg kies, kan hy ook ander leer.

7.The rule of thumb that will help to guide you is this—whatever is easy for us to do in the flesh, it is of the flesh. Whatever is difficult to do and requires us to draw on the Holy Spirit’s strength is walking in the Spirit.
7.Die reël wat jou in dit sal help lei is dit —as iets vir ons maklik is om te doen in die vlees, is dit van die vlees. As iets moeilik is om te doen en ons moet krag kry van die Heilige Gees, is dit gelei deur die Gees.

8.You must walk in the Spirit and stop doing whatever you please. “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. . . . These are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please” (Gal. 5:16–17).
8.Jy moet deur die Gees van God beheers word en ophou om voor begeertes van julle sondige natuur te swig. “Wat ek bedoel, is dit: Laat julle lewe steeds deur die Gees van God beheers word, dan sal julle nooit swig voor begeertes van julle sondige natuur nie.” (Gal. 5:16-17).

Let us all strive to appear wise by keeping silent. Let our words be loving and patient.

Laat ons eerstens daarna streef om wys voor te kom deur stil te bly. Laat ons woorde aangenaam en sagmoedig wees.

Let us love our wives as Christ loves His church by washing our wives in the Word.

Laat ons lief wees vir ons vrouens soos wat Christus Sy kerk liefhet deur ons vrouens met die Woord te was.

 

Personal commitment: To open my mouth with wisdom and healing. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to remain patient, to wait before I answer, and to be sweet in all my words, especially to my wife and children.”

Persoonlike verbintenis: Om my mond oop te maak met wysheid en genesing. “Gebaseer op wat ek uit God se Woord geleer het, verbind ek myself daartoe om stil te bly, te wag voordat ek antwoord, en slegs aangename woorde te spreek, spesiaal met my vrou en kinders.

Vul asseblief jou JOERNAAL in met die HERE in gedagte, met wat jy elke dag leer vir die volgende 30 dae om "Jou Huwelik Te Herstel".

Hoe meer jy jou hart uitstort in hierdie vorms, hoe meer kan ons en God jou help. Hierdie vorm sal jou en jou eVennoot ook help met aanspreeklikheid. KLIK HIER