Dag 1 Hoofstuk 1 “Vrede Van God”

Vrede van God

Aan almal in Rome vir wie God liefhet
en wat Hy geroep het om aan Hom te behoort.
Genade en vrede vir julle van God ons Vader
en die Here Jesus Christus!
—Romeine 1:7

 

Dear Beloved Brother in Christ,
Liewe Beminde Broer in Christus,

It is not by chance that you are holding this book in your hands; it is by Divine Providence. God has heard your cry for help and He has come to rescue you. The pages that follow will guide you when others tell you that your situation is completely hopeless.

Dit is nie per toeval dat jy hierdie boek in jou hande vashou nie; dit is deur Goddelike Voorsienigheid, God het jou roep om hulp gehoor en Hy het gekom om jou te red. Die bladsye wat volg sal jou lei wanneer ander vir jou vertel dat jou situasie hopeloos is.

What He is asking you to do will not be easy but if you want a miracle in your life, it can happen. If you want a testimony of the faithfulness of God to share with others, it will happen. If you really want God to restore a marriage that is hopeless, then read on. God will restore your marriage as He did mine.

Wat Hy jou vra om te doen sal nie maklik wees nie, maar as jy ‘n wonderwerk in jou lewe wil hê, kan dit gebeur. As jy ‘n getuienis van die getrouheid van God wil hê om met ander te deel, sal dit gebeur. As jy regtig wil hê dat God ‘n huwelik wat hopeloos is moet herstel, lees dan aan. God sal jou huwelik herstel soos wat Hy myne gedoen het.

The Bible says “the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” 2Chr. 16:9. He has been looking for you, to help you. Are you ready?

Die Bybel sê “Die Here het sy oë oral op die aarde sodat Hy dié kan help wat met hulle hele hart op Hom vertrou.” 2Kron. 16:9. Hy het vir jou gesoek, om jou te help. Is jy gereed?

You will need zealous obedience. You must enter “by the narrow gate; and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it. For the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it.” Matt. 7:14. It is your choice whether to follow His narrow way now or turn back.

Jy sal ywerige gehoorsaamheid nodig hê. “Gaan deur die nou poort in. Die poort wat na die verderf lei, is wyd en die pad daarheen breed, en dié wat daardeur ingaan, is baie. Maar die poort wat na die lewe lei, is nou en die pad daarheen smal, en dié wat dit kry, is min.” Matt. 7:15. Dit is jou keuse of jy Sy nou pad gaan volg of terugdraai.

This is the time to choose. “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days.” Deut. 30:19-20.

Dit is die tyd om te kies. “Ek roep vandag die hemel en die aarde tot getuie teen julle dat ek die lewe en die dood aan jou voorgehou het, die seën en die straf. Kies die lewe, sodat jy en jou nageslag kan lewe. Om die Here jou God lief te hê, Hom te gehoorsaam en Hom aan te hang, sal vir jou lewe gee en jou lank laat woon in die land wat die Here met ‘n eed aan jou voorvaders Abraham, Isak en Jakob beloof het om aan hulle te gee. “ Deut. 30:19-20.

If you are still reading and have not thrown this book away, then you have chosen to go on. We rejoice with you as we think of the glorious resurrection of your marriage and family that awaits you. We pray blessings upon each and every one of you. We glory that some day we will meet either on this side or the other side of “heaven” where there are no more tears or pain.

As jy nog steeds lees en nie hierdie boek weggegooi het nie, dan het jy gekies om aan te gaan. Ons verheug met jou as ons dink aan die glorieryke opstanding van jou huwelik en familie wat jou afwag. Ons bid seëninge op ieder en elkeen van julle. Ons glorie dat een dag ons aan hierdie kant of die ander kant van die “hemel” sal ontmoet waar daar nie meer trane of pyn is nie.

Dear brother in Christ Jesus, God will restore your marriage: you have His Word on it. “And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Truly I say to you, if you have faith, and do not doubt, you shall not only do what was done…but even if you say to this mountain, “Be taken up and cast into the sea,” it shall happen.’” Matt. 21:21.

Liewe broer in Christus Jesus, God sal jou huwelik herstel” jy het Sy Woord daarop. “ Daarop antwoord Jesus hulle: “Dit verseker Ek julle: As julle geloof het en nie twyfel nie, sal julle kan doen wat Ek aan die vyeboom gedoen het. Meer nog: Julle sal vir hierdie berg kan sê: ‘Lig jou op en val in die see! en dit sal gebeur. “‘ Matt. 21:21.

Since you are reading this book, we assume that you are in a crisis in your life because of your marriage. Has your wife left you? Have you left or asked your wife to leave? Perhaps you have gotten this book before either of you has taken this drastic step of leaving. Even if divorce has been spoken of during an argument, or divorce papers have been filed, or a divorce has gone through, you must believe that “All things (can) work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” Rom. 8:28.

Aangesien jy hierdie boek lees, neem ons aan dat jy in ‘n krisis is in jou lewe as gevolg van jou huwelik is. Het jou vrou jou verlaat? Het jy haar verlaat of jou vrou gevra om te gaan? Dalk het jy hierdie boek gekry voordat enige een van julle hierdie drastiese stap van vertrek geneem het. Selfs as daar oor egskeiding gepraat is gedurende ‘n argument, of egskeidings papiere ingedien is, of ‘n egskeiding deur gegaan het, moet jy glo dat “ Ons weet dat God alles ten goede (kan)  laat meewerk vir dié wat Hom liefhet, dié wat volgens Sy besluit geroep is.” Rom 8:28.

As you go through personal trials in your troubled marriage, if you really want things to work out for good, you must first love God and really want His purpose for your life.

Soos wat jy deur persoonlike beproewings in jou ongeruste huwelik gaan, as jy regtig wil hê dat dinge ten goede vir jou uitwerk, moet jy eerste vir God lief hê en regtig Sy doel vir jou lewe wil hê.

Right now His purpose is for you to draw closer to Him, to let Him transform you more closely into His image. And take courage, for God has said, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” Hebr. 13:5. God has not left your side: “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.” Psalm 23:4.

I’m sure that the “valley of the shadow of death” describes how you feel about your situation, but God has

allowed this for your good.

Reg nou is Sy doel vir jou om nader aan Hom te kom, om jou meer nader in Sy beeld te hervorm. En hou moed, God het gesê, “Ek sal jou nooit verlaat nie, jou nooit in die steek laat nie.” Hebr. 13:5. God het nie jou sy verlaat nie: Selfs al gaan ek deur donker dieptes, sal ek nie bang wees nie, want U is by my. In u hande is ek veilig.” Psalms 23:4.

Ek is seker dat die “donker dieptes” beskryf hoe jy voel oor jou situasie, maar God het

dit ten goede vir jou toegelaat.

Only afterwards will you shine forth as gold. “In this you greatly rejoice, even though for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold (which is perishable) even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory and honor.” 1Pet. 1:7.

Net daarna sal jy voortskyn as goud “ Verheug julle hieroor, selfs al is dit nodig dat julle ‘n kort tydjie bedroef gemaak word deur allerande beproewings sodat die egtheid van julle geloof getoets kan word. Julle geloof is baie kosbaarder as goud, goud wat vergaan. Selfs die suiwerheid van goud word met vuur getoets, end egtheid van julle geloof moet ook getoets word, sodat dit lof en heerlikheid en eer waardig  mag wees by die wederkoms van Jesus Christus.” 1 Pet. 6-7.

The most important thing for you to do right now is “be still and know that I am God.” Ps. 46:10. (This is covered in more depth in the men’s Take Courage series.) Then follow God’s way. Make sure that everything that you do or say follows the Scriptures; be sure that it follows the Bible consistently.

Die belangrikste ding vir jou om nou te doen is “Bedaar en erken dat Ek God is.” Ps. 46:11. (Dit word meer gedek in die mans se Hou Moed reeks.) Volg dan God se pad. Maak seker dat alles wat jy doen of sê Die Skrif volg; wees seker dat dit konstant die Bybel volg.

God has no desire for your marriage to be over. Remember that Jesus Himself said, “a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently, they are no longer two but one flesh. What God has joined together let no man separate.” Matt. 19:5. Also, “ ‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel. ‘So take heed to your spirit.’” Mal. 2:16.

God het geen begeerte vir jou huwelik om verby te wees nie. Onthou dat Jesus Homself gesê het, “Daarom sal ‘n man sy vader en moeder verlaat en saam sy vrou lewe en hulle twee sal een wees.’ Hulle is dus nie meer twee nie, maar een. Wat God dan saamgevoeg het, mag ‘n mens nie skei nie.” Matt. 19:5. Ook,“ ‘Die Here die God van Israel sê Hy haat egskeiding. ‘Beheers julle, moenie ontrou wees nie. “‘ Mal. 2:16.

Satan is the one who wants your marriage destroyed, not the Lord, not God. Remember that “The thief (the devil) comes to steal, to kill and destroy; I came that (you) might have life, and might have it abundantly.” John 10:10. Don’t believe the devil’s lies but “take every thought captive.” 2Cor. 10:5.

Satan is die een wat jou huwelik vernietig wil hê, nie die Here nie, nie God nie. Onthou dat “ ‘n Dief kom net steel en slag en uitroei; Ek het gekom sodat hulle die lewe kan hê, en dit in oorvloed.” Johannes 10:10. Moet nie die duiwel se leuns glo nie maar “ neem elke gedagte gevangene.” 2Kor. 10:5.

Don’t allow him to steal your wife. Don’t allow him to destroy your family, your life, and your children and steal your future. Believe me and believe others who can tell you from experience that divorce will destroy children and steal your children’s future as well as your own.

Moet hom nie toelaat om jou vrou te steel nie. Moet hom nie toelaat om jou familie te vernietig nie, jou lewe, en jou kinders en jou toekoms te steel nie. Glo my en glo ander wat jou uit ondervinding kan vertel dat egskeiding jou kinders sal vernietig en jou kinders sowel as jou eie toekoms steel.

Follow God’s way instead to find true peace in the midst of your crisis. “ ‘For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,’ says the LORD who has compassion on you.” Isa. 54:10.

Volg God se weë eerder om ware vrede ten midde van jou krisis te vind. “ Berge kan padgee, heuwels kan wankel, maar my liefde vir jou sal nooit verdwyn nie, my vredebond met jou sal nooit wankel nie, sê die HERE, wat jou liefhet.” Jesaja 54:10.

Pore over the Bible, letting Him “wash you with the water of the Word.” Eph. 5:26. Pray and believe what Scripture says, not what you see: “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebr. 11:1. “And without faith it is impossible to please (God).” Hebr. 11:6.

Lees die Bybel, laat Hom jou “met die water en die woord reinig.” Efe. 5:26. Bid en glo wat Die Skrif sê, nie wat jy sien nie: “Om te glo, is om seker te wees van die dinge wat ons hoop, om oortuig te wees van die dinge wat ons nie sien nie.” Hebr. 11:1. “As ‘n mens nie glo nie, is dit onmoontlik om te doen wat God wil.” Hebr. 11:6.

No one but God knows exactly what you are going through or the answers you need right now. If you pray (simply talk to God) and listen to Him (read His Word, the Bible), He can lead you to the victory that He has for you. Don’t choose to follow what others may say, those of the world, friends in the church, pastors, or any counselor who tells you something he has heard or read. If you are praying and reading God’s Word, God will speak to you first, in your heart or during your Bible reading; then someone will confirm the direction in which He is guiding you, which will be consistent with His Word!

Niemand maar God weet presies waardeur jy gaan nie of die antwoorde wat jy nou nodig het. As jy bid (praat eenvoudig met God) en luister na Hom (lees Sy Woord, die Bybel), Hy kan jou tot die oorwinning lei wat Hy vir jou het. Moet nie kies om te volg wat ander mag sê, die van die wêreld nie, vriende in die kerk, pastore, of enige berader wat jou iets vertel wat hy of sy gelees het. As jy bid en God se Woord lees, God sal eerste met jou praat, in jou hart of gedurende jou Bybel lees; dan sal iemand die rigting waarin Hy jou lei bevestig, wat konsekwent met Sy Woord sal wees!

Too many people, Christian or not, tell you things that sound good and feel good in the flesh. But if it doesn’t follow Scripture, it is wrong! You will be on sinking sand. “Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked.” Ps. 1:1. When it is of God, it usually sounds crazy (like believing for your marriage when others say “get out”!) and it always needs the help of the Holy Spirit to carry it out.

Te veel mense, Christen of nie, vertel jou dinge wat goed klink en goed voel in die vlees. Maar as dit nie Die Skrif volg nie, is dit verkeerd! Jy sal op sinkende sand loop. “Dit gaan goed met die mens wat nie die raad van die goddeloses volg nie,” Ps. 1:1. Wanneer dit God is, klink dit gewoonlik gek (soos om te glo vir jou huwelik wanneer ander sê “gaan uit”!) en dit het altyd die hulp van die heilige Gees nodig om dit uit te voer.

Don’t act impulsively or be quick to move. God usually says, “Wait!” Many times during the wait, He changes the situation. God said that He is the “Wonderful and Mighty Counselor.” Isa. 9:6. Don’t you want the best? Wouldn’t you want a counselor who knows the future? One who can actually turn the heart of your wife? There is only One who can show you the right direction. Trust Him and Him alone! There are actually MORE broken marriages in the church than there are in the world, so don’t follow any Christian, Christian counselor, or pastor who gives the world’s advice instead of God’s.

Moet nie impulsief optree of te gou wees om te beweeg nie. God sê gewoonlik, “Wag!” Baie keer deur die wag, verander Hy die situasie. God sê dat Hy is die Wonderbare Raadsman. “Jesaja 9:5. Wil jy nie die beste hê nie? Sou jy nie ‘n raadsman wil hê wat die toekoms ken nie? Een wat die hart van jou vrou kan draai? Daar is net Een wie jou die regte rigting kan aanwys. Vertrou op Hom en Hom alleen! Daar is eintlik MEER gebroke huwelike in die kerk as wat daar in die wêreld is, so moet nie enige Christen volg nie, Christen berader, of pastoor wie die wêreld se advies gee in plaas van God sin.

Sadly, Christian marriage counselors destroy too many Christian marriages. They get you and your wife to talk about the past and to say things that should never be said. Cruel statements are lies of the devil or fleshly feelings. Then after the counselor listens to what he/she has prompted you to say, he/she will tell you that your situation is hopeless!

Droewig, Christen huweliks beraders vernietig te veel Christen huwelike. Hulle kry jou en jou vrou om oor die verlede te praat en om dinge te sê wat nooit gesê behoort te word  nie. Wreede verklarings is die leuns van die duiwel of vleeslike gevoelens. Dan nadat die berader luister na wat hy/sy jou aangehits het om te sê, dan sal hy/sy vir jou vertel dat jou situasie hopeloos is!

If someone (including your spouse) has told you that your situation is hopeless, then start to praise the Lord. Hopeless situations are exactly where the Lord chooses to show His power! “With men this is impossible but with God ALL things are possible!” Matt. 19:26.

As iemand (insluitend jou gade) vir jou gesê het dat jou situasie hopeloos is, begin dan om die Here te loof. Hopelose situasies is presies waar die Here kies om jou Sy krag te wys! “Vir mense is dit onmoontlik, maar vir God is ALLES moontlik!” Matt. 19:26.

Work with God. And don’t believe that without your wife’s help or cooperation your marriage can’t be saved or improved. Our ministry was founded by and for those who are the only partner seeking marriage restoration! All that is needed is your heart and the Lord’s strength. “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth that He may support those whose heart is completely His.” 2Chr. 16:9.

Werk saam God. En moet nie glo dat sonder jou vrou se hulp of samewerking dat jou huwelik nie gered of verbeter ssal word nie. Ons bediening was gevestig deur en vir die wie die enigste vennoot is wat huweliks herstel nastreef! Al wat nodig is is jou hart en die Here se krag. “Die Here het sy oë oral op die aarde sodat Hy dié kan help wat met hulle hele hart op Hom vertrou.” 2Kro. 16:9.

Take the privilege of being “counseled” by the Best Counselor. The truth is that no two situations are exactly alike; nevertheless, His Word applies to all. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2Cor. 1:3-4.

Neem die voorreg om deur die Beste Raadsman “berading” te kry. Die waarheid is dat geen twee situasies presies dieselfde is nie; nietemin, Sy Woord is van toepassing op almal. “Aan God, die Vader van ons Here Jesus Christus, kom al die lof toe! Hy is die Vader wat Hom ontferm en die God wat in elke omstandigheid moed gee. In elke moeilikheid bemoedig Hy ons. Daarom kan ons ook ander bemoedig wat in allerlei moeilikhede verkeer. Ons kan hulle bemoedig met dieselfde bemoediging waarmee God ons bemoedig.” 2Kor. 1:3-4.

Search His Word, after you have prayed. “Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find.” Matt. 7:7. “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” Jas. 1:5.

Soek in Sy Woord, nadat jy gebid het. “Vra en vir julle sal gegee word; soek, en julle sal kry; klop, en vir julle sal oopgemaak word.” Matt. 7:7.”As een van jule wysheid kortkom, moet hy dit van God bid, en Hy sal dit aan hom gee, want God gee aan almal sonder voorbehoud en sonder verwyt. Maar ‘n mens moet gelowig bid en nie twyfel nie, want iemand wat twyfel, is soos ‘n brander in die see wat deur die wind aangejaag en heen en weer gedryf word. So ‘n mens wat altyd aan die twyfel is en enbestendig in al sy doen en late, moet nie dink dat hy iets van die Here sal ontvang nie.” Jak. 1:5-8.

You must have faith! And where do you get faith? From God! Ask Him for faith since “All good things come from above.” Jas. 1:17.

Jy moet geloof hê! En waar kry jy geloof? Van God! Vra Hom vir geloof aangesien “ Elke goeie gawe en elke volmaakte geskenk kom van Bo.” Jak. 1:17

God’s Word, His Principles
God se Woord, Sy Beginsels

Beloved, whether you know the Bible well or you have never even read it before, the Bible ALONE must be your guide to restore your marriage. The book that you are reading consists of all the verses that the Lord used to guide others, who now have restored marriages, through the fires of trial to restoration.

Beminde, of jy die Bybel goed ken en of jy dit nooit vantevore gelees het nie, die Bybel ALLEEN moet jou gids wees om jou huwelik te herstel. Die boek wat jy lees bevat al die verse wat die Here gebruik het om ander te lei, wie nou herstelde huwelike het, deur die vure van beproewings tot herstel.

The Lord will begin to show you, through the Scriptures in this book, how you may have violated principles of marriage, and He will also show you other sins that you are unaware of or have never dealt with (by repenting of them). All of these sins and violations have led to the destruction of your marriage.

Die Here sal jou begin wys, deur die Skriftuur in hierdie boek, hoe jy die beginsels van die huwelik oortree het, en Hy sal jou ook ander sondes wys waarvan jy onbewus is of nooit mee afgereken het nie (deur berou te hê van hulle). Al hierdie sondes en oortredings het tot die verwoesting van jou huwelik gelei.

It is the same with ALL who find their marriages in shambles or completely destroyed. You will soon find, if you are not aware of it yet, that it is NOT just your wife who violated God’s principles by leaving you, being unfaithful or filing for divorce. You will find, as did others who now have restored marriages, that you have done much to contribute to the destruction of your marriage. This understanding will be the turning point as you accept and look at your sins, not your wife’s.

Dit is dieselfde met ALMAL wat hulle huwelike in gemors of heeltemal verwoes vind. Jy sal gou vind, as jy nog nie daarvan bewus is nie, dat dit NIE net jou vrou is wie God se beginsels oortree het deur jou te verlaat nie, ontrou te wees of egskeiding aanhanig te maak nie. Jy sal vind, soos ander wie nou herstelde huwelike het, dat jy baie gedoen het om by te dra tot die verwoesting van jou huwelik. Hierdie verstandhouding sal die keerpunt wees soos wat jy jou sondes aanvaar en na hulle kyk, nie jou vrou sin nie.

The wisdom that you will learn from reading and rereading the verses of Scripture that the Lord has for you in this book will help you to understand what the Bible really is and what you need it to be in your life – your guide.

Die wysheid wat jy sal leer deur die verse van die Skrif te lees en te herlees wat die Here vir jou in hierdie boek het sal jou help om te verstaan wat die Bybel regtig is en wat jy nodig het vir dit om te wees in jou lewe - jou gids.

The Bible is filled with the spiritual laws of His creation. When God created the world, He not only made it with physical laws, like the law of gravity, but He also created it with spiritual laws. Just as violating the physical law of gravity will result in you stumbling or an object falling, so will violating the principles in Scripture regarding marriage result in your marriage falling.

Die Bybel is gevul met die geestelike wette van Sy skepping. Toe God die wêreld geskep het, het Hy nie net fisiese wette, soos die wet van swaartekrag gemaak nie, maar Hy het ook geestelike wette geskep. Net soos om die fisiese wet van swaartekrag te oortree sal veroorsaak dat jy struikel of ‘n voorwerp wat val, so sal om die beginsels van die Skrif te oortree in verband met die huwelik veroorsaak dat jou huwelik val.

Another amazing discovery is that the ways of the world are almost always opposite the ways of God and His Word. The way you have been dealing with your wife’s leaving you, her unfaithfulness or the divorce papers she served you, more than likely is the same way that anyone in the world would have dealt with them. What you will find in this book is that this is the exact OPPOSITE of the way that God intended trials to be dealt with in order to bring victory. “This is the victory that has overcome the world — our faith.” 1John 5:4.

Nog ‘n ongelooflike ontdekking is dat die weë van die wêreld amper altyd die teenoorgestelde weë van God en Sy Woord is. Die manier waarop jy afreken met jou vrou wat jou verlaat het, haar onbetroubaarheid of die egskeidings papiere wat sy op jou gedien het, is heelwaarskynlik dieselfde manier waarop enigeen in die wêreld met hulle sou afreken. Wat jy in hierdie boek vind is dat dit die TEENOORGESTELDE manier is wat God bedoel het beproewings mee afgereken moet word sodat die oorwinning behaal kan word. “En die oorwinning wat ons oor die wêreld behaal het —  is deur ons geloof.” 1 Johannes 5:4

When you choose to follow God’s way, which is the opposite of the way everyone else is doing it or telling you to do it, then you will start to see your marriage turn around. The ways of the world ALWAYS result in destruction, but the ways of God ALWAYS bring about healing and restoration. “For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life.” Gal. 6:8.

Wanneer jy kies om God se weë te volg, wat die teenoorgestelde is van die manier wat almal anders dit doen of jou vertel om dit te doen, dan sal jy altyd begin sien dat jou huwelik omdraai. Die weë van die wêreld eindig ALTYD op in verwoesting, maar die weë van God bring ALTYD genesing en herstel te wee. “Wie op die akker van sy sondige natuur saai, sal van die sondige natuur dood en verderf oes. Maar wie op die akker van die Gees saai, die ewige lewe oes.” Gal. 6:8.

We have put together a quick reference in this chapter to help you to IMMEDIATELY get your marriage out of crisis. These principles, if followed to the letter with a sincere and humble heart, will result in an immediate or future restoration of your marriage. God’s Word GUARANTEES it!!

Ons het ‘n vinnige verwysing in hierdie hoofstuk bymekaar gesit om jou te help om jou huwelik ONMIDDELLIK uit krisis uit te kry. Hierdie beginsels, as dit gevolg word tot op die punt met ‘n opregte en nederige hart, sal die gevolg hê van ‘n onmiddellike of toekomstige herstel van jou huwelik. God se Woord WAARBORG dit!!

The more a man follows these principles, the more restoration he will see as a direct result of his obedience. Those who stay in crisis, or who never see their marriages restored, are those who refuse to believe and obey the spiritual laws of God or erroneously believe that they are above the laws of God.

Hoe meer ‘n man hierdie beginsels volg, hoe meer herstel sal hy sien as ‘n direkte resultaat van sy gehoorsaamheid. Die wat in krisis bly, of wie nooit hulle huwelik herstel sien nie, is die wat weier om te glo en die geestelike wette van God te gehoorsaam of verkeerdelik glo dat hulle bo die wette van God is.

If you are one of those who believe strongly that you are not “under the law” and are therefore free to violate God’s laws, “may it never be!”

As jy een van die is wie sterk glo dat jy nie “aan die wet onderworpe” is nie en is daarom vry om God se wette te oortree, “mag dit nooit wees nie!”

“What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be!” Rom. 6:15.

“Wat beteken dit? Kan ons nou maar sonde doen omdat ons nie onder die wet van Moses staan nie maar onder die genade? Beslis nie” Rom. 6:15

“Do we then nullify the Law through faith? May it never be! On the contrary, we establish the Law.” Rom. 3:31.

“Hef ons dan deur die geloof die wet op? Beslis nie. Ons laat die wet juis tot reg kom.” Rom. 3:31.

“May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?” Rom. 6:2.

“Beslis nie. Hoe kan ons wat dood is vir die sonde, nog daarin voortlewe?” Rom. 6:2.

Those who understood the law of gravity learned to rise above it, which resulted in man being able to fly. The Christian who studies the Word of God will rise above the world and astonish the unbeliever who will then seek God. However, a person who believes that he is above the law of gravity, and violates that law by jumping out of a plane without a parachute, will fall to his death. This is why so many Christians live lives full of destruction.

Die wat die wet van swaartekrag verstaan het geleer om bo dit te styg, en die resultaat was dat ‘n man in staat was om te vlieg. Die Christen wat die Woord van God studeer sal bo die wêreld styg en die ongelowige verbaas wie dan God sal nastreef. Nietemin, ‘n persoon wie glo hy is bo die wet van swaartekrag, en verbreek die wet deur uit ‘n vliegtuig te spring sonder ‘n valskerm, sal tot sy dood val. Dit is waarom so baie Christene lewens vol verwoesting leef.

Believe and Obey
Glo en Gehoorsaam

If you are like many men who want to restore their marriages, you must not only believe that God can restore your marriage, but you must also obey His Word. Are you desperate – desperate to follow God’s Word no matter what it costs? No matter how much it hurts? The question you must ask yourself is “How important is saving my marriage, my family, my future?”

As jy soos baie mans is wie hulle huwelike wil herstel, moet jy nie net glo dat God jou huwelik kan herstel nie, maar jy moet ook Sy Woord gehoorsaam. Is jy desperaat - desperaat om God se Woord te volg maak nie saak wat dit kos nie? Maak nie saak hoeveel dit seermaak nie? Die vraag wat jy jouself moet vra is “ Hoe belangrik is dit om my huwelik te red, my familie, my toekoms?”

Receive anything. If you don’t obey God with zealous obedience, you should expect nothing from Him because you are double-minded. “For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” Jas. 1:7-8. “I hate those who are double-minded, but I love Thy law.” Ps. 119:113.

Iets ontvang. As jy nie God met ywerige gehoorsaamheid gehoorsaam nie, moet jy niks van Hom verwag nie omdat jy onbestendig is. “ So ‘n mens wat altyd aan die twyfel is en onbestendig in al sy doen en late, moet nie dink dat hy iets van die Here sal ontvang nie. “Jak. 1:7-8. “Ek haat huigelary, maar u wet het ek lief.” Ps. 119:113.

Faith by my works. If you say you have the faith to trust God for your marriage, then “act” on it. “What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith, but he has no works? Can that faith save him?… But someone may well say, ‘You have faith, and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works.’ ” Jas. 2:14, 18. There are so many testimonies of those who chose to “believe” instead of obeying. Every one of them is still “believing” for his marriage, but not ONE is restored!

Geloof deur my dade. As jy sê jy het die geloof om op God te vertrou vir jou huwelik, dan “tree op” daarop. “Wat help dit, my broers, as iemand beweer dat hy glo, maar sy dade bevestig dit nie? Kan so ‘n geloof ‘n mens red?....Maar iemand kan miskien sê: “ Die een het die geloof en die ander die dade.” Goed, wys dan vir my jou geloof wat sonder dade is, en ek sal jou my geloof wys uit my dade.’ “ Jak. 2:14,18. Daar is so baie getuienisse van die wat kies om te “glo” in plaas van om te gehoorsaam. Elkeen van hulle “glo” nog steeds vir sy huwelik, maar nie EEN is herstel nie!

Tear it out, and throw it from you. Again, how important is your desire to have a restored marriage? Are you desperate enough to do “whatever it takes” to save it? If you don’t believe God calls us to that kind of obedience, look at what Jesus said in Matt. 5:29-30. “And if your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Haal hom uit en gooi hom van jou af weg. Weer, hoe belangrik is jou begeerte om ‘n herstelde huwelik te hê? Is jy desperaat genoeg om te doen “wat ook al dit vat” om dit te red? As jy nie glo dat God ons tot daardie gehoorsaamheid roep nie, kyk wat sê Jesus in Matt. 5:29-30. “As jou regteroog jou laat struikel, haal hom uit en gooi hom van jou af weg; want dit is vir jou beter dat net een van jou ledemate verlore gaan as dat jou hele liggaam in die hel gegooi word. Of as jou regterhand jou laat struikel, kap hom af en gooi hom van jou af weg; want dit is vir jou beter dat net een van jou ledemate verlore gaan as dat jou hele liggaam in die hel beland.”

Through the entire chapter of Matthew 5, Jesus calls us to a higher obedience than what had been written in the Old Testament. Read it to motivate yourself to obey to the point of looking like a fanatic. If what you are doing right now does not seem crazy to others, you need to become more radical in your commitment to your marriage, because that’s what it takes!

Deur die hele hoofstuk van Matteus 5, roep Jesus ons tot ‘n hoër gehoorsaamheid as wat in die Ou Testament gekryf is. Lees dit om jouself te motiveer om te gehoorsaam tot op die punt om fanaties te lyk. As wat jy nou doen nie gek vir ander lyk nie, moet jy meer radikaal in jou toewyding tot jou huwelik word, want dit is wat dit vat!

We all must be like Peter in our obedience. Each time he was asked to do something, like allowing Jesus to wash his feet, he went overboard! He even went overboard when Jesus asked him to get out of the boat. He was the only one who followed Jesus with such a zealous commitment. Even so, Jesus rebuked Peter for his little faith. Are you lukewarm? “So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.” Rev. 3:16.

Ons moet almal soos Petrus wees in ons gehoorsaamheid. Elke keer wat hy gevra was om iets te doen, soos om Jesus toe te laat om sy voete te was, het hy oorboord gegaan! Hy het selfs oorboord gegaan toe Jesus hom gevra het om uit die boot te klim. Hy was die enigste een wie Jesus met ywerige toewyding gevolg het. Selfs so, Jesus het hom berispe vir sy klein geloof. Is jy louwarm? “Maar nou, omdat julle lou is, nie warm nie en ook nie koud nie, gaan Ek julle uit my mond uitspoeg.” Open. 3:16.

Trust and believe that God is able and wants to restore and rebuild you, your marriage, and your family. God does not have any other person out there for you, nor does He think you’ve picked the wrong person. “…if any man be above reproach, the husband of ONE wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion.” Titus 1:6.

Vertrou en glo dat God in staat is en jou huwelik wil herstel en herbou, jou huwelik, en jou familie. God het nie ‘n ander persoon daar buite vir jou nie, nog minder dink Hy dat jy die verkeerde persoon gekies het. “...onberispelik van gedrag wees, hy moet aan SY vrou getrou wees, en sy kinders moet gelowig wees en nie die naam hê dat hulle losbandig lewe en teen gesag in opstand kom nie.” Titus 1:6

If you are thinking about remarriage, you should know this; that second marriage has less than a 20% chance of survival! You would have an 8 out of 10 chance of going through another painful divorce! Then it’s on to numbers three and four. Stop now at whatever number you are on. There is a better way!

As jy dink aan hertrou, moet jy dit weet; daardie tweede huwelik het minder as 20% kans van oorlewing! Jy sal ‘n 8 uit 10 kans hê om deur nog ‘n pynlike egskeiding te gaan! Dan is dit aan na nommer drie en vier. Stop nou by watookal nommer jy op is. Daar is ‘n beter manier!

Instead, “Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord.” Ps. 27:14, Ps. 31:24, Isa. 35:4. “O give us help against the adversary, for deliverance by man is in vain. Through God we shall do valiantly, and it is He who will tread down our adversaries.” Ps. 60:11, Ps. 108:12. (Please read chapter 11, “Cleave to His Wife” for more knowledge.)

Eerder, ”Vertrou op die Here! Wees sterk en hou goeie moed! Ja, vertrou op die Here!’ Ps. 27:14, Ps. 31:24, Jes. 35:4. “Help U ons tot teen die vyand, want die hulp van mense - dit is niks. Met God aan ons kant sal ons oorwin, Hy self sal ons vyande vertrap.” Ps. 60:11, Ps. 108:12 (Lees asseblief hoofstuk 11, “Kleef aan Jou Vrou; vir meer kennis.)

Don’t run to others about your situation; talk to God; search His Word for your answer. “Seek and you shall find.” Matt. 7:7, Luke 11:9. “He is the Mighty Counselor.” Isa. 9:6. “Do not walk in the counsel of the ungodly.” Ps. 1:1. Don’t tell others about your situation: “May a slanderer not be established in the earth.” Ps. 140:11.

Moet nie na ander hardloop oor jou situsie nie; praat met God; soek Sy Woord vir jou antwoorde. “Soek en julle sal kry.” Matt. 7:7, Lukas 11:9. “Hy sal genoem word Wonderbare Raadsman.” Jes. 9:6. “Dit gaan goed met die mens wat nie die raad van goddeloses volg nie,” Ps. 1:1. Moet nie ander van jou situasie vertel nie: “Laat daar geen skindertong in die land wees nie.” Ps. 140:12.

Also, “by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned.” Matt. 12:37. “A tale- bearer separates intimate friends.” Prov. 16:28, Prov. 17:9. (See Chapter 4, “Thrusts of a Sword” for more knowledge on the destruction our tongues can cause. Such knowledge is not optional but essential: “For My people perish for a lack of knowledge.” Hos. 4:6.)

Ook, “Op grond van jou eie woorde sal jy vrygespreek of veroordeel word.” Matt. 12:37. “iemand wat skinder, bring verwydering tussen vriende.” Spr. 16:28, Spr. 17:9 (Sien Hoofstuk 4, “Steek van ‘n Swaard” vir meer kennis oor die verwoesting wat ons tonge kan veroorsaak. Sulke kennis is nie opsioneel nie maar noodsaaklik: “My volk gaan onder omdat hulle nie aan my toegewy is nie.” Hos. 4:6)

Ask God for a male prayer partner who will believe God with you for your marriage. We encourage you to join our Restoration Fellowship if you have an Internet connection. We will pair you up with an Encouragement Partner who will encourage you, pray for you and help you stay accountable to the principles for restoring your marriage.

Vra God vir ‘n manlike gebeds vennoot wie met jou in God sal glo vir jou huwelik. Ons moedig jou aan om by ons Herstel Fellowship aan te sluit as jy ‘n Internet konneksie het. Ons sal jou op paar met ‘n Bemoedigende Vennoot wie jou sal aanmoedig, vir jou sal bid en jou help om aanspreeklik te bly vir die beginsels om jou huwelik te herstel.

Stay away from singles groups!! You do NOT belong there if you have a desire to restore your marriage! Stay away from “support groups” that are usually nothing more than “pity parties.” If you want a restored marriage, don’t attend a divorce recovery group that will encourage you to move on. You have to choose now whether you want hope or closure with your marriage.

Bly weg van enkel groepe!! Jy hoort NIE daar nie as jy ‘n begeerte het om jou huwelik te herstel nie! Bly weg van “ondersteunings groepe” wat gewoonlik niks anders is as “jammer partytjies.” As jy ‘n herstelde huwelik wil hê, moet nie ‘n egskeiding herstel groep bywoon wat jou sal aanmoedig om aan te beweeg nie. Jy moet nou kies of jy hoop of sluiting met jou huwelik wil hê.

Instead of joining a group in your church or community, we strongly suggest that you pray about joining our fellowship where you will be given a partner. For more information, visit our website www.MarriageHelpOnLine.com.

In plaas daarvan om by ‘n groep in jou kerk of gemeenskap aan te sluit, beveel ons sterk aan dat jy bid oor om by ons lidmaatskap aan te sluit waar jy ‘n vennoot sal kry. Vir meer informasie, besoek ons webwerf by  www.UiteindelikHoop.com.

Stop ALL arguing or verbal struggling with your wife! This one principle will be a deciding factor as to whether your marriage will be restored. There are so many Scriptures on this topic, pages and pages we could type out for you. Here are just a few: “Agree with your adversary quickly!” Matt. 5:25, KJV. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” Prov. 15:1. “The beginning of strife is like letting out of water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.” Prov. 17:14. “Even a fool is considered wise when keeping silent.” Prov. 17:28.

Stop ALLE argumente of verbale gesukkel met jou vrou! Hierdie een beginsel sal ‘n beslissende faktor wees of jou huwelik herstel sal wees. Daar is so baie Skriftuur oor hierdie onderwerp, bladsye en bladsye wat ons vir jou kan uittik. Hier is net ‘n paar: “kom betyds tot ‘n skikking!” Matt. 5:25, Afr 83. “‘n Sagte antwoord laat woede bedaar; ‘n krenkende woord laat woede ontvlam. “Spr. 15:1. Om rusie te begin, is om ‘n damwal te breek; staak liewer die getwis voor die vloed jou tref.” Spr. 17:14. “As ‘n dwaas nie praat nie, kan selfs hy aangesien word vir ‘n wyse, en as hy sy mond toehou , vir ‘n verstandige mens.” Spr. 17:28.

“Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man. But any fool will quarrel.” Prov. 20:3. And, “He who separates himself seeks his own desire, he quarrels against all sound wisdom.” Prov. 18:1. Are you an angry man? (See Chapter 3, “The Angry Man” and Chapter 9, “Weapons of Our Warfare” for more knowledge.)

“Dit is eerbaar om ‘n rusie te vermy; enige dwaas kan ‘n rusie begin.” En, “Die selfsugtige mens lewe net vir homself, hy verwerp alle oolegpleging.” Spr. 18:1. Is jy ‘n woedende man? (Sie Hoofstuk 3, “Die Woedende Man” en Hoofstuk 9, “Wapens van Ons Oorlogvoering” vir meer kennis.)

Remove the hate or hurt; then try to look lovingly into your wife’s eyes. “They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” Ps. 34:5. “And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.” Matt. 23:12, Luke 14:11, Luke 18:14. Peter asked how many times he should forgive his brother who sinned against him. “Seven times?” he suggested. But Jesus replied, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” That’s 490 times! (Matt. 18:22) Have you decided to not forgive your wife (or the man she is involved with) for what she (or he) has done to you or to your children? The lack of forgiveness is very dangerous to you and the future of your marriage. (For more knowledge read Chapter 6, “Blessed Are the Meek” under the section “Forgiveness.”) If you are having trouble forgiving, get our testimony tape. It is a powerful example of how God will “give you” the forgiveness your wife desperately needs as you yield to Him!

Verwyder die haat of seerkry; probeer dan om liefdevol in jou vrou se oë te kyk. “Dié wat swaar kry, sien op na Hom en straal van blydskap, hulle word nie teleurgestel in hullle verwagting nie.” Ps. 34:6. “Wie hoogmoedig is, sal verneder word, en wie nederig is, sal verhoog word.” Matt. 23:12, Lukas 14:11, Lukas 18:14. Petrus het gevra hoeveel keer moet hy sy broer vergewe wie teen hom gesondig het. “Sewe keer” het hy voorgestel. Jesus antwoord hom: “Ek sê vir jou, nie sewe keer nie maar selfs sewentig maal sewe keer.” Dit is 490 keer! (Matt. 18:22) Het jy besluit om nie jou vrou te vergewe nie (of die man by wie sy betrokke is) vir wat sy of (hy) aan jou of jou kinders gedoen het? Die tekort aan vergiffenis is baie gevaarlik vir jou en die toekoms van jou huwelik. (Vir meer kennis lees Hoofstuk 6 “Geseënd Is die Sagmoediges” onder die afdeling “Vergiffenis.” As jy moeilikheid het om te vergewe, kry ons getuienis band. Dit is ‘n kragtige voorbeeld van hoe God jou die vergiffenis sal “gee” wat jou vrou desperaat nodig het soos wat jy toegewend is vir Hom!

You must begin to see your wife as God sees her. Pray for your wife. You need to first forgive her and any who are involved with her (friends, family, co-workers and even the other man). (Again, see Chapter 6, “Blessed Are the Meek” under the section “Forgiveness” about the dangers of not forgiving.) Then you will be ready to pray for the woman God wants your wife to be. (Take a moment and read the awesome testimony “Wife a New Woman” on our website or in our book God Is Moving! to see what true forgiveness will do to turn your marriage around and bring your wife home.) Stop looking at the bad things she is doing.

Jy moet begin om jou vrou te sien soos wat God haar sien: Bid vir jou vrou. Jy moet haar eers vergewe en enigiemand wat by haar betrokke is (vriende, familie, mede-wekers en selfs die ander man). (Weer, sien Hoofstuk 6, “Geseënd is die Sagmoediges” onder die afdeling “Vergiffenis” oor die gevare om nie te vergewe nie.) Dan sal jy gereed wees om te bid vir die vrou wat God wil hê jou vrou moet wees. (Neem ‘n oomblik om die ongelooflike getuienis “Gade ‘n ander Vrou” op ons webwerf of in ons boek God Beweeg! te lees om te sien wat ware vergiffenis sal doen om jou huwelik om te draai en jou vrou huis toe te bring.) Hou op om na die slegte dinge te kyk wat sy besig is om te doen.

Replace that with asking God to show you how YOU have been the one at fault since you are or should be the head of your home, the spiritual leader, and therefore the one totally responsible for where your wife is and what she has done. (Once again take a moment and read the awesome testimony “Wife a New Woman” on our website or in our book God Is Moving! to see how taking the entire blame for your situation will free your wife to come back to you!!)

Vervang dit met om God te vra om jou te wys hoe JY die een is wat foutief is aangesien jy is of behoort die hoof van jou huis te wees, die geestelike leier, en daarom die een heeltemal verantwoordelik vir waar jou vrou is en wat sy gedoen het. (Weereens neem ‘n oomblik en lees die ongelooflike getuienis “Gade ‘n Nuwe Vrou” op ons webwerf of in ons boek God Beweeg! om te sien hoe om die hele blaam vir jou situasie te neem jou vrou sal vrymaak om terug te kom na jou toe!!)

If your wife has left you, don’t call her! But if you have left your wife or made her leave your home, you must call her and ask for her forgiveness. This point is critical! The longer you wait the greater the possibility of adultery, if it hasn’t occurred already. (Please read the testimonies on our website which provide evidence of how these very principles worked in the lives of the men and women who followed them.)

As jou vrou jou verlaat het nie, moet haar nie skakel nie! Maar as jy jou vrou verlaat het of haar jou huis maak verlaat het, moet jy haar skakel en vra om vergiffenis. Hierdie punt is krities! Hoe langer  jy wag hoe groter die moontlikheid van owerspel, as dit nie alreeds plaasgevind het nie. (Lees asseblief die getuienisse op ons webwerf wat bewys voorsien van hoe hierdie einste beginsels in die lewens van die mans en vrouens wat hulle gevolg het gewerk het.)

Once you have repented to your wife, then DO NOT keep repenting and taking the ENTIRE blame for the situation. This can be counterproductive. Also, whether your wife accepts your apology or not is not the issue. You are doing it out of humility and obedience to God, nothing more.

Sodra jy  berou aan jou vrou betoon het, MOET NIE aanhou berou en die HELE blaam vir die situasie neem nie. Dit kan teenproduktief wees. Ook, of jou vrou jou verskoning aanvaar of nie is nie die saak nie. Jy doen dit uit nederigheid en gehoorsaamheid aan God, niks meer nie.

Speak kindly and lovingly to your wife when you have an opportunity to talk with her. “Pleasant words are as honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Prov. 16:24. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Prov. 17:22, Prov. 18:14. You don’t have to be joyful about your situation; just be joyful that God has it all under His control. “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Hebr. 12:11.

Praat vriendelik en liefdevol met jou vrou wanneer jy die geleentheid het om met haar te praat. “Aangename woorde is heuning, soet en geneeskragtig vir die mens.” Spr. 16:24. “‘n Vrolike mens is ‘n gesonde mens, ‘n neerslagtige mens raak uitgeput.” Spr. 17:22, Spr. 18:14. Jy hoef nie vreugdevol te wees oor jou situasie nie; wees net vreugdevol dat God dit onder Sy beheer het. “Wanneer ons getug word, lyk die tug op daardie oomblik nie na iets om oor bly te wees nie, maar om oor te huil. Later lewer dit egter vir dié wat daardeur gevorm is, ‘n goeie vrug: vrede omdat hulle gehoorsaam is aan die wil van God.

Don’t listen to any gossip or anyone who tries to give you bad reports about your wife. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1Cor. 13:7. Maybe your wife says she’s not involved with anyone else, yet you KNOW she is. Nevertheless, you must believe her. Don’t question or doubt her word. You’re not being stupid or naive; you are expressing unconditional or agape love.

Moet nie luister na ‘n geskinder of enigiemand wat probeer om vir jou slegte verslae oor jou vrou te wil gee nie.  “Die liefde bedek alles, glo alles, hoop alles, verdra alles. Die liefde vergaan nooit.” 1 Kor. 13:7. Miskien sê jou vrou sy is nie by enigiemand betrokke nie, tog WEET jy sy is. Nietemin, jy moet haar glo. Moet nie haar woord bevraagteken of twyfel nie. Jy is nie onnosel of naief nie; jy druk onvoorwaardelike of agape liefde uit.

Sometimes it is your family or closest friends who try to persuade you to pursue divorce or tell your wife off for the things she has done or is doing. You must separate yourself from those who attempt to lead you astray from God by feeding your flesh and emotions. “Leave the presence of a fool or you will not discern words of knowledge.” Prov. 14:7. “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a gossip.” Prov. 20:19. If you slander your wife, others will slander your wife too! “Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy.” Ps. 101:5.

Somtyds is dit jou familie of jou intieme vriende wat probeer om jou te oorreed om egskeiding na te jaag of jou vrou te kasty vir al die goed wat sy gedoen het of besig is om te doen. Jy moet jouself afsonder van die wat poog om jou van God af te lei deur jou vlees en emosies te voed. “Vermy ‘n dwase mens; jy sal nie by hom leer om verstandig te praat nie.” Spr. 14:7. “Iemand wat loop en skinder, lap geheime uit; bly weg van iemand wat baie praat.” Spr. 20:19. As jy jou vrou beskinder, sal ander ook jou vrou beskinder! “ Wie sy naaste beskinder, wil ek uitwis.” Ps. 101:5. 

Because you will receive much advice that is contrary to the will and the Word of God, don’t share your situation with anyone! Ultimately it will arouse anger or self-pity in you! These emotions are of the flesh and will war against your spirit. God says in Gal. 5:17, “For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.”

Omdat jy baie advies sal kry wat teenstrydig is met die wil en die Woord van God, moet nie jou stuasie met enigiemand deel nie! Uitermatig sal dit woede en selfbejammering in jou laat oprys! Hierdie emosies is die vlees en sal oorlog voer teen die gees. God sê in Gal. 5:17, “Wat ons sondige natuur begeer, is in stryd met wat die Gees wil, en wat die Gees wil, is in stryd met wat ons sondige natuur begeer. Hierdie twee staan lynreg teenoor mekaar, en daarom kan julle nie doen wat julle graag wil nie.”  

Listening, discussing or seeking counsel for your situation will also bring in confusion since most Christians do NOT really KNOW the Word of God and even pastors may advise you contrary to God’s Word! Unless they have “walked on the same water” they may disregard or minimize God’s principles when you desperately need the entire uncompromised Word of God to save your marriage!

Luister, bespreek of om berading te soek vir jou situasie sal ook verwarring bring aangesien meeste Christene NIE regtig die Woord van God KEN nie en selfs pastore mag advies teenstrydig met God se Woord gee! Tensy hulle “op dieselfde water geloop het” mag hulle God se beginels verontagsaam of minimaliseer wanneer jy desperaat die hele onkompromiseerde Woord van God nodig het om jou huwelik te red! 

Do NOT try to find out what your wife is up to. If you do suspect there is someone else, or you KNOW that there is someone else she is involved with, then do what God says: “Let your eyes look directly in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established.” Prov. 4:25. “Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught.” Prov. 3:25-26. And again remember, love “BELIEVES all things.” 1Cor. 13:7.

Moet NIE probeer uitvind waarmee jou vrou besig is nie. As jy wel vermoed dat daar iemand anders is, of jy WEET dat daar iemand anders is by wie sy betrokke is, doen dan wat God sê “Hou jou oë op die pad vorentoe, kyk reg voor jou uit.” Spr. 4:25. “Moenie bang wees dat ‘n ramp jou skielik sal oorval, dat die storm wat vir slegte mense bedoel is, jou sal tref nie, want die Here sal jou beskerm, Hy sal sorg dat jy nie in ‘n strik beland nie.” Spr. 3:25-26. En weer onthou, liefde “GLO alles.” 1Kor. 13:7.

Do NOT confront your wife or the others involved! That is a net that Satan has left. So many men and women fall into this trap time and again. Watch out! You may satisfy your flesh but the consequences will destroy you and any feelings your wife may still have for you. Don’t talk to the OM over the phone or in person.

Moet NIE jou vrou of die ander betrokke konfrontreer nie! Dit is ‘n net wat Satan gelos het. So baie mans en vrouens val in hierdie slaggat keer op keer. Passop! Jy mag dalk jou vlees bevredig maar die nagevolge sal jou en enige gevoelens wat jou vrou dalk nog vir jou mag hê vernietig . Moet nie met die AM oor die telefoon of in persoon praat nie .

So often men erroneously think that they should confront their wives because she shouldn’t get away with it or should “know that I know.” ALL who have confronted their wives or husbands, out of ignorance or by ignoring this book or this personal warning, have written to tell us how much they regret it! They ALL have shared that it resulted in MANY horrible consequences! Please don’t be like Adam who went ahead and did what he knew he shouldn’t!

So dikwels dink mans foutiewelik dat hulle hulle vrouens moet konfrontreer omdat sy behoort nie daarmee weg te kom nie of behoort te “weet dat ek weet.” ALMAL wat hulle vrouens of mans gekonfrontreer het, uit onkunde of deur hierdie boek te ignoreer of hierdie persoonlike waarskuwing, het vir ons geskryf om te sê hoe spyt hulle is! Hulle het ALMAL gedeel dat dit BAIE aaklike nagevolge gedra het! Moet asseblief nie soos Adam wees wie vooruit gegaan het en gedoen het wat hy geweet het hy nie behoort te gedoen het nie!

Once the sin is out in the open it will be flaunted in front of your face, and you will lose the advantage that God has given you. You must remember, “Love believes all things.” 1Cor. 13:7.

You must also remember at all times that this is a “spiritual” war. As in all wars, it is foolish and dangerous to let the enemy know what you know. No battle in the Bible was ever won by revealing inside information from the Lord! Nor does the Bible tell us to reveal enemy movements. Instead, it warns us to fight this as a spiritual war! 1Tim. 1:18 says to “fight the good fight.” “We do not war according to the flesh.” 2Cor. 10:3. We are told instead to “Be of sober spirit [which literally means WAKE UP], be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1Pet. 5:8.

Sodra die sonde uit in die ope is sal dit voor jou gesig gepronk word, en jy sal die voordeel wat God jou gegee het verloor. Jy moet onthou, “Liefde glo alles.” 1 Kor. 13:7.

Jy moet ook ten alle tye onthou dit is ‘n “geestelike” oorlog. Soos in alle oorloë, is dit dwaas en gevaarlik om die vyand te laat weet wat jy weet. Geen stryd in die Bybel was ooit gewen deur binne-inligting van die Here te openbaar nie! Nog minder sê die Bybel vir ons om enige bewegings te openbaar. Eerder, waarsku dit ons om dit as ‘n geestelike oorlog te baklei! 1Tim. 1:18 sê “stry die goeie stryd.” “Ons voer nie stryd met menslike wapens nie.” 2Kor. 10:3. Ons word gesê “Wees nugter [wat letterlik bedoel WORD WAKKER], wees wakker! Julle vyand, die duiwel, loop rond soos ‘n brullende leeu, op soek na iemand om te verslind.” 1Pet. 5:8.

Your wife, and others, are working with the devil, as slaves, to destroy your marriage, future and children. “Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?” Rom. 6:16. To win this war, YOU must be a slave of righteousness – therefore DO NOT confront her about her sin or what you know!!

Jou vrou, en ander, werk saam die duiwel, as slawe, om jou huwelik, toekoms en kinders te vernietig. “Julle weet tog: as julle aan iemand onderwerp om hom as slawe te gehoorsaam, is julle die slawe van dié een aan wie julle gehoorsaam is. As dit sonde is, beteken dit vir julle die dood; as dit gehoorsaamheid aan God is, beteken dit vryspraak en die lewe.” Rom. 6:16. Om hierdie oorlog te wen, moet JY ‘n slaaf van geregtigheid wees—daarom MOET haar NIE konfrontreer oor haar sonde of wat jy weet nie!! 

Do NOT try to find out where your wife is if she hasn’t given you her whereabouts! This is God’s protection for you! Be quiet; be still. Go into your prayer closet and begin to fight the battle through prayer, on your knees before the Lord. God can change your wife’s heart, but you will harden it if you openly reveal mistrust, suspicion and jealousy. “The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes.” Prov. 21:1. The other man will then appear to be the one she wants, not you! Every wife will run to the defense of the man she is involved with when her husband verbally (or physically) attacks the OM. Take control of your emotions.

Moet NIE probeer uitvind waar jou vrou is nie as sy nie haar ligging vir jou gegee het nie! Dit is God se beskerming vir jou! Wees rustig; wees stil. Gaan in jou gebedshoekie en begin om die stryd deur gebed, op jou knieë voor die Here te veg. God kan jou vrou se hart verander, maar jy sal dit verhard as jy openlik wantroue, vermoede en jaloesie openbaar. “Die wil van die koning staan onder die gesag van die HERE; soos ‘n stroom water lei Hy dit soos Hy verkies.” Spr.21:1. Die ander man sal dan voorkom om die een te wees wat sy wil hê, nie jy nie! Elke vrou sal hardloop tot die verdediging van die man by wie sy betrokke is wanneer haar man die AM verbaal (of fisies) aanval. Neem beheer van jou emosies. 

A wife will NOT respond to a man who is angry or one who is effeminate and cries. You must be humble, kind, and loving AND have complete control over your emotions. Afterwards, when you are alone, you can deal with your feelings. But in her presence, do not show unfavorable emotions.

‘n Vrou sal NIE reageer op ‘n man wie kwaad is of een wat vroulik is en huil nie. Jy moet nederig, vriendelik, en lifdevol wees EN algehele beheer oor jou emosies hê. Daarna, wanneer jy alleen is, kan jy met jou gevoelens afreken. Maar in haar teenwoordigheid, moet nie ongunstige emosies toon nie.

Don’t act hastily in ANY decision. At this time you are not thinking clearly and are most certainly acting on emotion rather than wisdom. “And he who makes haste with his feet errs.” Prov. 19:2. “The prudent man considers his steps.” Prov. 14:15. “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Prov. 16:25 and Prov. 14:12. “Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Prov. 29:20.

Moet nie in ENIGE besluit oorhaastig optree nie. Op hierdie oomblik dink jy nie reguit nie en tree jy verseker op op emosies eerder as wysheid. “oorhaastigheid bring foute.” Spr. 19:2. “n Verstandige mens oorweeg elke tree wat hy gee.” Spr. 14:15. “Daar is ‘n lewenswyse wat vir ‘n mens reg kan lyk, maar die uiteinde daarvan is die dood.” Spr. 16:25 en Spr. 14:12. “Jy sien self: vir die man wat praat sonder om eers te dink, is daar minder hoop as vir ‘n dwaas.” Spr. 29:20.

“The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.” Prov. 16:33. “A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil.” Prov. 14:16. Don’t hurry to make changes like setting up a “visitation schedule.” Don’t be quick to run to get a divorce. God says, “I hate divorce.” Mal. 2:16. Don’t move out or leave your home: “Like a bird that wanders from her nest, so is a man who wanders from his home.” Prov. 27:8.

“Mense kan loot, maar die Here bepaal hoe dit uitkom.” Spr. 16:33. “Wie wysheid het, is versigtig en vermy die kwaad.” Spr. 14:16. Moet nie haastig wees om  veranderinge aan te bring soos om ‘n “besoek skedule”  op te stel nie. Moet nie vinnig wees om te hardloop om ‘n egskeiding te kry nie. God sê, “Hy haat egskeiding.” Mal. 2:16. Moet nie trek of jou huis verlaat nie: “Soos ‘n voël wat sy nes net so los, so is ‘n man wat sy gesin in die steek laat.” Spr. 27:8. 

Have you spoken to your wife about your needs, your concerns or your problems – only to have her reject you? Memorize these Scriptures: “My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory.” Phil. 4:19. “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, yes, wait on the Lord.” Ps. 27:13.

A man should be self-assured if he is to win his wife back to him. This is not pride, for it should be done with humility. If your wife has left then your home was out of order. Make sure you get the men’s manual A Wise Man to learn how the home was designed to be.

Het jy met jou vrou gepraat oor jou behoeftes, jou bekommernisse of jou probleme - net sodat sy jou verwerp? Memoriseer hierdie Skriftuur: “En my God sal in elke behoefte van julle ryklik voorsien volgens sy wonderbaarlike  rykdom in Christus Jesus. “ Fil. 4:19. “ As ek darem nie gegelo het dat ek die goedheid van die Here sal sien in die land van die lewendes nie …! Vertrou op die Here! Wees sterk en hou goeie moed! Ja vertrou op die Here” Ps. 27:13.

‘n Man moet selfversekerd wees as hy sy vrou terug na hom toe wil wen. Dit is nie trots nie, want dit moet in nederigheid gedoen word. As jou vrou jou verlaat het dan was jou huis uit orde. Maak seker jy kry die mans se handleiding ‘n Wyse Man om te leer hoe die huis ontwerp was om te wees.

“When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” Prov. 16:7. Instead of trying to convince your wife to return to you, take this opportunity to thank your wife and praise her for how she has cared for you, your children and your home in the past. This is God’s way; it’s called contentment.

“As die Here tevrede is met ‘n mens se lewe, laat Hy selfs so ‘n mens se vyande in vrede met hom lewe.” Spr. 16:7. In plaas daarvan om te probeer om jou vrou te oorreed om terug te kom na jou toe, neem hierdie geleentheid om jou vrou te bedank en te loof vir hoe sy vir jou, jou kinders en jou huis versorg het in die verlede. Dit is God se manier; dit word voldaanheid genoem.

Part of your problem may be your wife’s career outside the home. Even though God says to wait, you may have moved ahead and bought things on credit or moved to a larger home and then believed your wife “needed to go to work.” Then your house sat empty while your wife worked, and your children were in day care. Satan is a thief!

Deel van jou probleem mag jou vrou se loopbaan buite die huis wees. Alhoewel God sê om te wag, mag jy vorentoe beweeg het en goed op krediet gekoop het of na ‘n groter huis getrek het en dan geglo het dat jou vrou “nodig” gehad het om te gaan werk.” Toe staan jou huis leeg terwyl jou vrou gewerk het, en jou kinders was in dagsorg. Satan is ‘n dief!

Soon you may lose the house that you worked so hard for. Allow God to save your home, your family and your marriage. (Please read Chapter 8, “Manages His Household” in A Wise Man.)

Binnekort mag jy die huis waarvoor jy so hard gewerk het verloor. Laat God toe om jou huis, jou familie en jou huwelik te red. (Lees asseblief Hoofstuk 8, “ Bestuur Sy Huishouding” in ‘n Wyse Man.)

Did you ever encourage or tell your wife to leave? We at Restore Ministries have seen too many who have asked their spouses to leave or who have been first to mention the word “divorce” in a time of anger. When you plant bad seeds, don’t be surprised if she ends up in adultery. Words have more power than you know. “And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment.” Matt. 12:36.

Het jy al ooit jou vrou aangemoedig of vir haar gesê om te loop? Ons by Herstel Bediening het te veel gesien wie hulle gades gevra het om te loop of wie die eerste was om die woord “egskeiding” in ‘n tyd van woede te noem. Wanneer jy slegte sade plant, moet nie verras wees as sy in owerspel opeindig nie. Woorde het meer krag as wat jy weet. “Dit sê Ek vir julle: Van elke ligsinnige woord wat die mense sê, sal julle rekenskap moet gee op die oordeelsdag.” Matt. 12:36.

Maybe you wanted her to leave because of alcohol, drugs, arguments or unfaithfulness. Or maybe one of you just felt that you didn’t love the other any more. Please read Chapter 15, “Comfort Those” for more help. Be aware that many men consider women who are out of their homes to be “single” even though they are not! Separation is the first step to divorce. And divorce is a life-changing mistake.

Miskien wou jy hê sy moes loop as gevolg van alkohol, dwelms, argumente of onbetroubaarheid. Of miskien het jy net gevoel dat jy nie meer lief is vir die ander nie. Lees asseblief Hoofstuk 15, “Troos Hulle”  vir meer hulp. Wees bewus dat baie mans oorweeg vrouens wat uit hulle huise is as “enkel” al is hulle nie! Skeiding is die eerste stap na egskeiding. En egskeiding is ‘n lewens-veranderde fout.

Many Christians, ignorant of the destruction of separation, advise those with marriage troubles to tell their wives who are unfaithful to leave or to not allow them to return home. Older men, as stated in Titus 2, should “speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine…to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.” Titus 2:1-2.

Baie Christene, onkundig van die verwoesting van skeiding, adviseer die met huweliks probleme om vir hulle vrouens wat ontrou is te sê om te loop of hulle nie toe te laat om terug te keer huis toe nie. Ouer mans, soos in Titus 2 verklaar, moet “verkondig wat in ooreenstemming is met die gesonde leer...om nugter te wees, eerbaar, verstandig, gesond en vas in geloof, liefde en volharding.” Titus 2:1-2.

The separation that is spoken of in 1Cor. 7:5 is to be done with mutual agreement AND for the purpose of fasting and prayer. This verse confirms this: “if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever [or a believer], and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away.” 1Cor. 7:12.

Die skeiding waarvan gepraat is in 1Kor. 7:5 moet met gesamentlike overeenstemming EN vir die doel van vas en gebed gedoen word. Die vers bevestig dit; “as ‘n gelowige man met ‘n ongelowige vrou getroud is en sy gewillig is om by hom te bly, moet hy nie van haar skei nie.” 1Kor. 7:12

By making a decision to separate or divorce, you will have chosen to destroy not only your life and your wife’s life, but also your children’s lives and future. Your (future) grandchildren, your parents and all your friends will also feel the devastating effects of this selfish, ignorant and foolish decision.

Deur ‘n besluit te maak om uit mekaar te gaan of te skei, sou jy gekies het om nie net jou lewe en jou vrou se lewe te vernietig nie, maar ook jou kinders se lewens en toekoms. Jou (toekoms) kleinkinders, jou ouers en al jou vriende sal ook die verpletterende nagevolge van hierdie selfsugtige, onkundige en dwase besluit voel.

By suggesting that your wife leaves, you have taken that first step toward divorce. Isn’t it time to turn around before things go any further? The world and Satan have convinced you that this separation or divorce will make things better, but that is a lie! If that were true, 8 out of 10 people wouldn’t get divorced in that second or subsequent marriage. Once again, the Bible is clear: “any brother who has a wife who is an unbeliever [or a believer], and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away.” 1Cor. 7:12.

Deur voor te stel dat jou vrou loop, het jy die eerste tree na egskeiding toe geneem. Is dit nie tyd om om te draai voordat dinge enigsins verder gaan nie? Die wêreld en Satan het jou oorreed dat hierdie skeiding of egskeiding dinge beter sal maak, maar dit is ‘n leun! As dit waar was, sou 8 uit 10 mense nie skei in daardie tweede of daaropvolgende huwelik nie. Weereens, is die Bybel duidelik: As ‘n gelowige man met ‘n ongelowige vrou getroud is en sy gewillig is om by hom te bly, moet hy nie van haar skei nie.” 1Kor. 7:12.

However, if your wife has left you, you must stop pursuing, pressing her or even standing in her way. She will only try harder to get away from you or run to evil. “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the WAY of sinners.” Ps. 1:1. The only roadblock should be a “hedge of thorns.” Hosea 2:6. You should read the book of Hosea in your Bible. We have written a prayer for you to memorize based on the hedge of thorns. (You will find it in Chapter 15, “I Searched for a Man.”) Pray it daily for your wife.

Nietemin, as jou vrou jou verlaat het, moet jy ophou om haar agterna te sit, haar te druk of selfs in haar pad te staan. Sy sal net harder probeer om weg te kom van jou af of na die bose toe te hardloop. “Dit gaan goed met die mens wat nie die raad van die goddeloses volg nie, nie met sondaars omgaan en met ligsinniges saamspan nie.” Ps. 1:1. Die enigste padblokade behoort “doringtakke” te wees. “ Hosea 2:6. Jy behoort die boek van Hosea in jou Bybel te lees. Ons het ‘n gebed vir jou geskryf om te memoriseer gebaseer op die doringtakke. (Jy sal dit in Hoofstuk 15 vind, “Ek het vir ‘n Man gesoek.”) Bid dit daagliks vir jou vrou. 

Many ministries encourage “standers” to continue to pursue the spouse who has left with phone calls, cards, letters and statements about their “marriage covenant.” THIS IS NOT SCRIPTURAL and has caused many to become “standers for life”! The Bible says, “if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” 1Cor. 7:15. If you won’t let go, friction will continue. “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners.” Ps. 1:1, NIV. You must let your wife know that she is free to leave (based on 1Cor. 7:15). This will cause her to stop running, pursuing divorce or jumping into another marriage!

Baie bedienings moedig “staners” aan om voor te gaan om die gade wie weg is met telefoon oproepe, kaarte, briewe en verklarings oor hulle “huweliksverbond” agterna te sit  DIT IS NIE SKRIFTUURLIK nie en het veroorsaak dat baie “staners” vir die res van hulle lewens word!” Die Bybel sê, “as die ongelowige egter wil skei, laat hom skei. In sulke gevalle is die gelowige man of vrou nie gebind nie. God het julle geroep om in vrede te lewe.” 1 Kor. 7:15. As jy nie wil laat gaan nie, sal wrywing voortgaan. “Dit gaan goed met die mens wat nie die raad van die goddeloses volg nie, nie met sondaars omgaan en met ligsinniges saampsan nie.” Ps. 1:1, Afr 83. Jy moet jou vrou laat weet dat sy vry is om te loop (gebaseer op 1Kor. 7:15). Dit sal veroorsaak dat sy ophou hardloop, die egskeiding agternasit of in ‘n ander huwelik inspring!  

But I am already divorced. It’s never too late even if a divorce has taken place. Many “remarry” their former spouses AFTER they have divorced. “Don’t be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” Rom. 12:21. God specifically asked His prophet Hosea to remarry his wife Gomer even after she was blatantly unfaithful to him. “For she is not my wife, and I am not her husband.” Hosea 2:2. “Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.’ ” Hosea 2:7. “Then the Lord said to me (Hosea), ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress.’ ” Hosea 3:1. God used the story of Hosea and Gomer to show His commitment to His own bride (the church) and His strong stand on marriage.

Maar ek is alreeds geskei. Dit is nooit te laat as ‘n egskeiding plaasgevind het nie. Baie “hertrou” hulle voormalige gades NADAT hulle geskei is. “Moet jou nie deur die kwaad laat oorwin nie, maar oorwin die kwaad deur die goeie.“ Rom. 12:21. God het spesifiek vir Sy profeet Hosea gevra om sy vrou Gomer te hertrou selfs na sy blatant ontrou aan hom was. “Sy is nie meer my vrou nie, Ek is nie meer haar man nie.” Hosea 2:2. “Ek sal na my eie man toe teruggaan, want ek was by hom beter versorg as nou.’ Hosea 2:7. “Die Here het vir my gesê: Gaan knoop weer ‘n liefdesverhouding aan met ‘n vrou wat vir ander mans lief is en egbreuk pleeg.’ “ Hosea 3:1. God het die storie van Hosea en Gomer gebruik om Sy toewyding aan Sy eie bruid (die kerk) te wys een Sy sterk stand oor die huwelik. 

It also gives an example of how to allure your wife through the kind and loving way you speak to her. But, this is done AFTER she knows she is free to go. “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her.” Hosea 2:14.

Dit gee ook ‘n voorbeeld van hoe om jou vrou aan te lok deur die vriendelike en liefdevolle manier wat jy met haar praat. Maar, dit word gedoen NADAT sy weet sy is vry om te gaan. “Tog, sal ek weer begin om haar die hof te maak. Ek sal haar na die woestyn toe bring en mooi dinge vir haar sê.” Hosea 2:14.

Don’t allow your children to see your pain or anger toward your wife. Do ALL that you can to shield your children from what is going on. Otherwise they will develop bad feelings toward their mother.

Moet nie jou kinders toelaat om jou pyn of woede teenoor jou vrou te sien nie. Doen ALLES wat jy kan om jou kinders te beskerm van wat aangaan. Andersins sal hulle slegte gevoelens teenoor hulle moeder ontwikkel.

Don’t blame your wife for what has happened; instead, take the FULL responsibility and tell your children where the real fault lies. Be careful where you turn your children’s hearts. Turning your children’s hearts against your wife by what you say will destroy your children and break your wife’s heart. Hurting the woman you love will never bring her home. Instead, love her by building her up in your children’s eyes and cover her nakedness lest your children be cursed. “And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside… So he said, ‘Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants he shall be to his brothers.’ He also said, ‘Blessed be the LORD, the God of Shem; and let Canaan be his servant.’” Gen. 9:22, 25-26. Bless your children with kind, loving, forgiving and honoring words.

Moet nie jou vrou blameer vir wat gebeur het nie; neem eerder VOLLE verantwoordelikheid en vertel jou kinders waar die fout lê. Wees versigtig waar jy jou kinders se harte draai. Deur jou kinders se harte teen jou vrou te draai deur wat jy sê sal jou kinders vernietig en jou vrou se hart breek. Deur die vrou vir wie jy lief is seer te maak sal haar nooit huis toe bring nie. Eerder, wees lief vir haar deur haar op te bou in haar kinders se oë en bedek haar naaktheid anders sal jou kinders vervloek wees. “Gam, die pa van Kanaän, het gesien sy pa is kaal en het dit buite vir sy twee boers gaan vertel...toe sê hy: ‘Vervloek is Kanaän! ‘n Nikswerd slaaf sal hy wees, in diens van sy broers.’ Verder het het gesê: “Prys die HERE, die God van Sem! Kanaän moet Sem se slaaf wees.”’ Gen. 9:22, 25-26. Seën jou kinders met vriendelike, liefdevolle, vergewensgesinde en eerbare woorde.

The Lord has allowed these trials in your life, and your children’s lives, for a time, in order to draw you all closer to Him, accomplish His work in all of you and then draw you back together again for His glory! When your wife is not around to blame, you can then look at yourself and look to Him to change you! When you seek Him, you will become closer to Him; then He will change you more into His image! “They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” Ps. 34:5.

Die Here het hierdie beproewings in jou en jou kinders se lewens toegelaat, vir ‘n tydperk, om jou nader aan Hom te bring, Sy werk in almal van julle te bereik en julle dan weer saam te bring vir Sy glorie! Wanneer jou vrou nie in die omtrek is om te blameer nie, kan jy na jouself kyk en na Hom kyk om jou te verander! Wanneer jy Hom nastreef, sal jy nader aan Hom word; dan sal Hy jou meer in Sy beeld verander! “Dié wat swaar kry, sien op na Hom en straal van blydskap, hulle word nie teleurgestel in hulle verwagting nie.” Ps. 34:5.

Don’t allow your children to speak badly about their mother. You must demand respect for their mother (whether they are 5, 15 or 25!). “Honor your father and your mother.” Exod. 20:12, Deut. 5:16, Mark 7:10. If you have spoken badly about their mother, first ask God for forgiveness, next humbly ask your wife’s forgiveness and lastly ask your children’s forgiveness. “He who conceals his transgression will not prosper.” Prov. 28:13. Then begin to build her up in the children’s (and your) eyes. (See Chapter 4, “Thrusts of a Sword” for more knowledge.) Remember, you will have trouble with your children honoring you if you dishonor your wife! 1Pet. 3:7 tells us, “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Moet jou kinders nie toelaat om sleg van hulle moeder te praat nie. Jy moet respek vir hulle moeder eis (of hulle 5, 15 of 25 is!). “Eer jou vader en jou moeder.” Eksod. 20:12, Deut. 5:16, Markus 7:10. As jy sleg oor hulle moeder gepraat het, vra eers God om vergiffenis, volgende vra nederig om jou vrou se vergiffenis en laastens vra jou kinders om vergiffenis. “Wie sy sonde wegsteek, moet niks goed te wagte wees nie.” Spr. 28:13. Begin dan om haar op te bou in die kinders (en jou) oë. (Sien Hoofstuk 4, “Steek van ‘n Swaard” vir meer kennis.) Onthou, jy sal moeilikheid hê met jou kinders wat jou eer as jy jou vrou oneer! 1Pet. 3:7 sê vir ons, “Mans, julle moet verstandig met julle vrouens saamleef. Bewys eer aan hulle as die swakker geslag wat saam met julle deel in die genadegawe. Dan sal julle kan bid sonder dat iets julle hinder.”

Don’t allow your children to become unruly. “A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him.” Prov. 17:25. “A child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Prov. 29:15. Don’t cause yourself grief or cause your wife to become bitter or shame her. Instead of allowing your children to vent their anger, use this time to teach them to forgive and pray for their mother.

Moet jou kinders nie toelaat om onhebbelik te word nie. “‘n Onverstandige seun is vir sy ouers ‘n ergenis, hy is vir hulle ‘n bitter verdriet.” Spr. 17:25. ‘n Kind wat sonder dissipline grootword, steek sy moeder in die skande.” Spr. 29:15. Moet jouself nie hartseer veroorsaak of veroorsaak dat jou vrou bitter word of haar in die skande steek nie. In plaas daarvan om jou kinders toe te laat om uiting te gee aan hulle woede, gebruik hierdie tyd om hulle te leer om te vergewe en te bid vir hulle moeder.

When the anger is gone, the pain will be felt; then teach them to rely on God for comfort. This Scripture helped my (then) 5-year-old when he memorized it: “For He has said ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ ” Hebr. 13:5. Your children are confused right now, so give them clear directions. (See Lesson 14, “Your Father’s Instructions” in A Wise Man for more knowledge.) Again, you will have trouble enforcing this if you exhibit a lack of control of your anger.

Wanneer die woede weg is, sal die pyn gevoel word; leer hulle dan om op God se troos staat te maak. Hierdie vers het my (toe) fyf -jarige gehelp toe hy dit gememoriseer het: ‘Ek sal jou nooit verlaat nie, jou nooit in die steek laat nie.’” Hebr. 13:5. Jou kinders is nou verward, so gee hulle duidelike instruksies. (Sien Les 14, “Jou Vader se Instruksies” in ‘n Wyse Man vir meer kennis.) Weer, jy sal moeilikheid hê om dit af te dwing as jy ‘n tekort aan beheer vir jou woede uitbeeld. 

Be careful not to choose the “easiest” road. It may seem like the easiest road, but in the end it is the road to even more sadness, trials, difficulties and heartache than you are now experiencing. We, who have gone through difficult marriages, separation and/or divorce, want to warn you against any ideas, books or other people who will sway you to go the way of the world, which ALWAYS ends in disaster! If the world endorses it, as Christians we know it is the wide road to destruction.

Wees versigtig om nie die “maklikste” pad te kies nie. Dit mag lyk soos die maklikste pad, maar op die ou einde is dit die pad na selfs meer droefheid, beproewings, moeilkhede en hartseer as wat jy nou ervaar. Ons, wie deur moeilike huwelike, skeiding en/of egskeiding is, wil jou waarsku teen enige idees, boeke of ander mense wat jou sal swaai om die pad van die wêreld te gaan, wat ALTYD in ‘n ramp opeindig! As die wêreld dit onderskryf, as Christene weet ons dit is die wye pad na verwoesting.

Narrow is the way that leads to life, and few are those who find it! “Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it. For the gate is small, and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it.” Matt. 7:13-14. You must look for that narrow way in all your decisions, in the way you speak to others, and in the way you handle the trials that WILL come your way now and in the future.

Nou is die pad wat na die lewe lei, en dié wat dit kry is min! “ Gaan deur  die nou poort in. Die poort wat na die verderf lei, is wyd en die pad daarheen breed, en dié wat daardeur ingaan, is baie. Maar die poort wat na die lewe lei, is nou en die pad daarheen smal, en dié wat dit kry, is min.” Matt. 7:13-14. Jy moet uitkyk vir daardie nou pad in al jou besluite, in die manier wat jy met ander praat, en op die manier wat jy die beproewings hanteer wat jou kant toe SAL kom nou en in die toekoms.

Please be careful what you read. The books whose foundation is in philosophy or those written by psychologists or marriage counselors can fill your mind with destructive thoughts. Be careful about reading books that cover such topics as “tough love,” “spicing up your marriage,” and “co-dependency.” We have seen the damage that these ideas have done to marriages and the men and women who have looked to them in their desperation. Instead, renew your mind with God’s Word. If you meditate on His Word, God promises in Psalm 1 that you will prosper in everything that you do!!

Wees asseblief versigtig wat jy lees. Die boeke wat se grondslag in filisofie is of die geskryf deur sielkundiges  of huweliks beraders kan jou gedagtes met vernietigende gedagtes vul. Wees versigtig om boeke wat sulke onderwerpe soos “taai liefde,” “om jou huwelik op te kikker,” en medeafhanklikheid’ te lees. Ons het die skade gesien wat hierdie idees aan huwelike en die mans en vrouens wat na hulle gekyk het in hulle desperaatheid gedoen het. Eerder, hernu jou gedagtes met God se Woord. As jy op God se Woord mediteer, belowe God in Psalms 1 dat jy voorspoedig sal wees in alles wat jy doen!!

Look to God and to those of “like mind” to encourage you to believe God for your marriage. Please go to the Counselor (God’s Word), which is free, and save your money and your marriage. God wants you to Himself! Stay away from the “professionals.” Every professional has his/her ways and beliefs. There are thousands of both Christian and secular marriage counselors and books about marriage solutions. If they knew all the answers, why is there an epidemic of divorce, especially in the church?!!

Kyk na God en na die wat “eendersdenkende” is om jou aan te moedig om in God te glo vir jou huwelik. Gaan asseblief na die Raadsman (God se Woord), wat gratis is, en spaar jou geld en jou huwelik. God wil jou vir Homself hê! Bly weg van die “professionele.” Elke professioneel het sy/haar maniere en oortuigings. Daar is duisende van beide Christelike en sekulêre huweliks beraders en boeke oor huweliks oplossing. As hulle al die antwoorde geken het, waarom is daar ‘n epidemie van egskeiding, veral in die kerk?!!

Where do you begin? What should you do? Begin to move your demolished house onto the rock. “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine, and acts upon them, may be compared to a wise man, who built his house upon the rock. And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock.” Matt. 7:25. “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Prov. 24:3.

Waar moet jy begin? Wat moet jy doen? Begin om jou gesloopte huis op die rots te skuif. “Elkeen dan wat hierdie woorde van My hoor en daarvolgens handel, kan vergelyk word met ‘n verstandige man wat sy huis op ‘n rots gebou het. Die stortreën het geval, vloedwaters het afgekom, winde het teen daardie huis gewaai en daaraan geruk, en tog het dit nie ingestort nie, want die fondament was op die rots.” Matt. 7:24-25. “Daar is verstand nodig om ‘n huis te bou, insig om sy fondamente te lê, kennis om sy kamers te vul met allerhande kosbare en mooi goed.” Spr. 24:3.

Praise God in ALL things. “Let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” Hebr. 13:15. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” Phil. 4:4.

Loof God in ALLE dinge. “ Laat ons dan onophoudelik deur Jesus aan God ‘n offer van lof bring, dié lof wat aan Hom gebring word  deur die lippe wat sy Naam bely.” Hebr. 13:15. “Wees altyd bly in die Here! Ek herhaal: Wees bly!” Fil.4:4.

Learn to really pray. “And I searched for a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the gap before Me for the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one.” Ezek. 22:30. Standing in the gap does NOT mean standing in your wife’s way! It means praying for her as you would pray for yourself.

Leer hoe om regtig te bid. “Ek het iemand tussen hulle gesoek wat ‘n muur sou bou en vir die stad in die bres sou tree dat dit nie vernietig word nie, maar Ek het niemand gekry nie.” Eseg. 22:30. Om in die bres  te tree beteken NIE om in jou vrou se pad te staan nie! Dit beteken om vir haar te bid soos jy vir jouself sou bid.

Take every thought captive. “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” 2Cor. 10:5.

Neem elke gedagte gevangene. “en elke hooghartige aanval wat teen die kennis van God gerig word. Ons neem elke gedagte gevangene om dit aan Christus gehoorsaam te maak.” 2Kor. 10:5.

Begin to renew your mind to be like Christ’s and to look down at your situation as God does, from above. Get A Wise Man Builds and work through it with a friend. Get a “Bible Promise Book” from your local Christian bookstore (very inexpensive) and put it next to your bed. The verses will become a place of refuge for you as you pore over His promises when you become anxious.

Begin om jou gedagtes te hernu om soos Christus sin te wees en om af na jou situasie te kyk soos wat God doen, van bo. Kry ‘n Wyse Man Bou en werk daardeur met ‘n vriend. Kry ‘n “Bybel Belofte Boek” van jou plaaslike Christelike boekwinkel (baie goedkoop) en sit dit langs jou bed. Die verse sal ‘n plek van skuiling vir jou word soos wat jy oor Sy beloftes giet wanneer jy angstig begin word.

Get 3x5 cards and write down Bible verses that you can use to renew your mind, to fight in the Spirit (the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God), or to run to when you experience an attack of fear, doubt or lies. Keep these with you and read them over and over again. Stop thinking and talking so much about your problems; listen to God and read His Word.

Kry 3x5 kaarte en skryf Bybel verse neer wat jy kan gebruik om jou gedagtes te hernu, om in die Gees te baklei (die swaard van die Gees is die Woord van God), of om na te hardloop wanneer jy ‘n aanval van vrees, twyfel of leuns ervaar. Hou hulle by jou en lees hulle oor en oor. Hou op om so baie aan jou probleme  te dink en te praat; luister na God en lees Sy Woord.

As we said, Psalm 1 gives you a promise: “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers.” Practically speaking, if you read and reread this book to the point of wearing it out or take the time to make 3x5 cards with the Scriptures you need, you can’t help but meditate on His Word. Almost every man I have known who has a restored marriage did one or both of these things.

Soos wat ons gesê het, Psalms 1 gee vir jou ‘n belofte: maar wat in die woord van die Here sy vreugde vind, dit dag en nag oordink. Hy is soos ‘n boom wat by waterstrome geplant is, wat op die regte tyd vrugte dra en waarvan die blare nie verdroog nie. Hy is voorspoedig in alles wat hy aanpak.” Prakties gesproke, as jy hierdie boek lees en weer lees tot op die punt waar jy dit verslyt of die tyd neem om 3x5 kaarte te maak met die verse wat jy nodig het, kan jy nie help as om op Sy Woord te mediteer nie. Amper elke man wat ek geken het wie ‘n herstelde huwelik het het een of albei hierdie dinge gedoen.

NO marriage is too far gone! “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matt. 19:26. Again remember that it is not true that you and your wife, together, must seek help to change the marriage. We have seen the good “fruits” of the men who have asked God to change their wives’ hearts, to work on them, and God was faithful. (See “fruits,” Matt. 7:16, 20.)

GEEN huwelik is te ver weg nie!”Jesus het reguit na hulle gekyk en gesê: “Vir mense is dit onmoontlik, maar vir God is alles moontlik.” Matt. 19:26. Onthou weer dat dit nie waar is dat jy en jou vrou, saam, hulp moet soek om die huwelik te verander. Ons het die goeie “vrugte” gesien van mans wie God gevra het om hulle vrouens se harte te verander, om aan hulle te werk, en God was getrou. (Sien “vrugte,” Matt. 7:16, 20.)

“And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matt. 7:3, Luke 6:41. We pray the same for you: that you will see clearly how to really help your wife by being a godly man who is meek, yet bold in the spirit, who allures his wife with kind and loving words.

“Waarom sien jy die splinter raak wat in jou broer se oog is, maar die balk in jou eie oog merk jy nie op nie? Of hoe kan jy vir jou broer sê: ‘Wag, laat ek die splinter uit jou oog uithaal,’ en intussen is daar ‘n balk in jou eie oog? Huigelaar! Haal eers die balk uit jou eie oog uit, dan sal jy goed kan sien om die splinter uit jou broer se oog te haal.” Matt. 7:3, Lukas 6:41. Ons bid dieselfde vir jou: dat jy duidelik sal sien hoe om jou vrou regtig te help deur ‘n goddelike man te wees wie sagmoedig, tog moedig in gees is, wie sy vrou uitlok met vriendelike en liefdevolle woorde.

How long? Many men have asked us “how long” their wife will be gone or “how long” their trial will continue. It may help you if you think about it as a journey. How long it takes often depends on you. As the Lord shows you an area that He is working on, work “with Him.” Do not become sidetracked by work or everyday life. Satan will bring in “the cares of the world” in order to choke the Word out of you. He also will bring situations, emergencies and other crises that will divert your attention away from your destination –- your restored family!

Hoe lank? Baie mans het ons gevra “hoe lank” hulle vrouens weg sal wees of “hoe lank” hulle beproewing sal duur. Dit mag jou help om daaraan te dink as ‘n reis. Hoe lank dit neem hang dikwels van jou af. As die Here jou die area wys waaraan Hy werk “werk saam Hom.” Moet nie gesyspoor word deur werk of die alledaagse lewe nie. Satan sal die “sorge van die wêreld” inbring om die Woord uit jou uit te wurg. Hy sal ook situasies, noodgevalle en ander krisisse bring wat jou aandag van jou bestemming sal herlei — jou herstelde familie!

Too often our journey seems to have “stalled.” Just take the next step of obedience. When you become weary with the “wait,” do not lose heart. This is the time our Lord is using to stretch our faith and focus our attention on His working in our lives. All that is required is our obedience, which will release spiritual power to work on our behalf. It is not necessary that God give us a detailed explanation of what He is doing. We know that He will work out His purposes through whatever happens even when we have made a mistake. We must believe that He is working with people and situations and arranging circumstances for His good for us.

Te dikwels lyk dit asof ons reis “tot stilstand gekom het.” Neem net die volgende stap van gehoorsaamheid. Wanneer jy afgerem raak met die “wag,” moet nie moed verloor nie. Dit is die tyd wat ons Here gebruik om ons geloof te rek en te fokus op Sy werk in ons lewens. Al wat vereis word is ons gehoorsaamheid, wat geestelike krag sal vrylaat om om ons onthalwe te werk. Dit is nie nodig dat God vir ons besonderhede gee van wat Hy besig is om te doen nie. Ons weet dat Hy Sy doel deur watookal gebeur sal werk selfs wanneer ons foute gemaak het. Ons moet glo dat Hy saam mense en situasies werk en die omstandighede vir Sy goed vir ons rangskik.  

There Is MORE Help!
Daar Is MEER Hulp!

Another book that you will find helpful in your desire to restore your marriage is our men’s manual A Wise Man. This book is available on our website to read or print off for FREE, or if you prefer, it can be ordered in book form on our website: www.RestoreMinistries.net.

Nog ‘n boek wat jy behulpsaam sal vind in jou begeerte om jou huwelik te herstel in ons mans se handleiding ‘n Wyse Man. Die boek is beskikbaar op ons webwerf om GRATIS te lees of te druk , of as jy verkies, kan dit bestel word in boekvorm op ons webwerf: www.RestoreMinistries.net.

Though we no longer minister to men, with the exception of our two books for men, let us still pray for you now…

Alhoewel ons nie meer aan mans bediening gee nie, met die uitsluiting van ons twee boeke vir mans, kom ons bid nog steeds nou vir jou. . .

“Dear Lord, please guide this special brother during the trouble in his marriage. And his ears shall hear a word behind him saying, this is the way, walk here, when he turns to his right and when he turns to his left. (Isa. 30:21)

“Liewe Here, lei asseblief hierdie spesiale broer gedurende die moeilikheid in sy huwelik. Wanneer hy die regte koers velaat, sal hy agter hom ‘n stem hoor sê: “Hier is die pad, loop hierlangs.” (Jes. 30:21)

“Please reassure him when he sees a thousand fall on his right side and ten thousand at his left; help him to know that if he follows You, it will not happen to him. (Ps. 91:7) Hide him under your protective wings.

“Verseker hom asseblief wanneer hy dusiende langs hom sien val en tien duisend by hom; help hom om te weet dat as hy Jou volg, dit nie met hom sal gebeur nie. (Ps. 91:7) Steek hom weg onder jou beskermende vlerke.

“Help him to find the narrow path that will lead him to life, the abundant life you have for him, for his wife and for his family. Lord, I pray for a testimony when this troubled or broken marriage is healed and restored that You can use for Your glory! We will give You all the honor and the glory. Amen.

”Help hom om die nou pad te vind wat hom na die lewe sal lei, die oorvloedige lewe wat jy vir hom, sy vrou en vir sy familie het. Here, ek bid vir ‘n getuienis wanneer sy ontstelde of gebroke huwelik genees en herstel is sodat Jy dit kan gebruik vir Jou glorie! Ons sal Jou al die eer en die glorie gee. Amen.