God spoke the entire universe into existence. The Lord told us that we would be judged by every word we speak. Yet, we often hear it said that we should “speak our mind.” When searching the Scriptures, what does God have to say about the tongue? Lets discover the truth:

God het die hele heelal in bestaan gepraat. Die Here het vir ons gesê dat ons deur elke woord wat ons praat geoordeel gaan word. Tog, hoor ons  dikwels dat daar gesê word “sê wat in jou kop aangaan.” Wanneer ons die Bybel deursoek, wat het God te sê oor die  tong? Kom ons ontdek die waarheid:

The Tongue, Small yet Deadly
Die Tong Klein tog Dodelik

Set on fire by hell. “So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things…And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” James 3:5-6.

Uit die hel aan die brand gesteek. “So is die tong ook maar 'n klein liggaamsdeeltjie, en tog het dit groot mag… Die tong is ook 'n vuur, 'n wêreld vol ongeregtigheid, die deel van die liggaam wat die hele mens besmet. Dit steek die hele lewe, van die geboorte af tot die dood toe, aan die brand, en self word dit uit die hel aan die brand gesteek.” Jakobus 3:5-6.

No one can tame the tongue. “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father; and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?” James 3:8-11. But thank the Lord that “Nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:37.

Geen mens kan die tong tem nie. “Maar geen mens kan die tong tem nie. Dit is 'n rustelose kwaad, vol dodelike gif. Met die tong loof ons die Here en Vader, en met die tong vloek ons die mense wat as die beeld van God gemaak is. Uit dieselfde mond kom lof en vloek. My broers, so moet dit nie wees nie. 'n Fontein laat tog nie uit dieselfde oog vars en brak water opborrel nie?” Jakobus 3:8-11. Maar dank die Here dat “ Niks is vir God onmoontlik nie.” Lukas 1:37.

The Lord knows. Here is a sobering thought: “Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold O Lord, Thou dost know it all.” Ps. 139:4.

We need a muzzle! “I said, ‘I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle.’” Ps. 39:1. You may have great physical strength, but how about the inner strength required for self-control?

Die Here weet. Hier is ‘n nugter gedagte: “Daar is nog nie 'n woord op my tong nie of U, Here, weet wat dit gaan wees.” Ps. 139:4.

Ons het ‘n snuit nodig! “Ek het gesê: “Ek wil sorgvuldig let op my lewe en nie sondig met wat ek sê nie. Ek wil nie 'n woord praat as 'n slegte mens my teëstaan nie.” Ps. 39:2. Jy mag dalk groot fisiese krag hê, maar wat van die innerlike krag wat benodig is vir self-beheersing? 

Crushes the spirit. “A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.” Prov. 15:4. Are the words you speak to your wife, your children, or those at your place of work soothing? Ask yourself if you have been crushing the spirit of those you are to protect and lead.

Breek mense.“Kalmerende woorde bring lewe, skynheilige woorde breek mense.” Spr. 15:4. Is die woorde wat jy aan jou vrou, jou kinders, of die by jou werk praat kalmerend? Vra jouself of jy die mense wie jy behoort te beskerm en lei afbreek.

What We Say
Wat Ons Sê

“The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom, but the perverted tongue will be cut out.” Prov. 10:31. “There is one who speaks rashly like thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Prov. 12:18.

“Daar kom wysheid uit die mond van die regverdige, 'n tong wat kwaad stig, sal uitgesny word.” Spr. 10:31. “Praat sonder om te dink kan soos dolksteke wees; wyse mense bring genesing met wat hulle sê.” Spr. 12:18.

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue guards his soul from trouble.” Prov. 21:23.

“Wie sy mond en sy tong in toom hou, hou hom uit gevaar.” Spr. 21:23.

This statement is clear. What you say is important. “For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.” Matt. 12:37.

Die verklaring is duidelik. Wat jy sê is belangrik. “Op grond van jou eie woorde sal jy vrygespreek of veroordeel word.” Matt. 12:37.

“Not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.” Matt. 15:11.

“Dit is nie wat by die mond ingaan wat die mens onrein maak nie. Maar wat by die mond uitkom, dit maak 'n mens onrein.”Matt. 15:11.

“…put them all aside; anger, wrath, malice, slander and abusive speech....” Col.3:8. “He who gives attention to the word shall find good.” Prov. 16:20.

“... nou moet julle al hierdie dinge laat staan: woede, haat, nyd en gevloek…” Kol. 3:8. “Wie ag gee op die woorde van die Here, sal voorspoed geniet; wie op die Here vertrou, met hom gaan dit goed.” Spr. 16:20.

If you have abused your wife with your words, God is faithful; He offers a cure:

As jy jou vrou met jou woorde mishandel het, God is getrou; Hy offer ‘n geneesmiddel:

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Prov. 16:24. “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” Prov. 16:20.

“Aangename woorde is heuning, soet en geneeskragtig vir die mens.” Spr. 16:24. “... as hy sy woorde reg kies, kan hy ook ander leer. Spr. 16:20

“Righteous lips are the delight of kings, and he who speaks right is loved.” Prov. 16:13.

“Eerlike mense geniet die koning se goedgesindheid; hy hou van mense wat die waarheid praat.” Spr. 16:13.

Have you matured? Perhaps you remember this childhood phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” The fact is many of us probably still haven’t recovered from some of the harsh words that were spoken to us as children. Do you continue to hurt your wife or your children with your words? “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” 1Cor. 13:11.

Het jy volwasse geword? Miskien onthou jy hierdie frase uit jou kinderdae, “Stokke en klippe mag my bene breek, maar woorde sal my nooit seermaak nie.” Die feit is baie van ons het moontlik nie herstel van sommige van die wrede woorde wat as kinders vir ons gesê was nie. Gaan jy voort om jou vrou en kinders seer te maak met jou woorde? “ Toe ek 'n kind was, het ek gepraat soos 'n kind, gedink soos 'n kind, geredeneer soos 'n kind. Maar noudat ek 'n man is, is ek klaar met die dinge van 'n kind.” 1Kor. 13:11.

How We Answer
Hoe Ons Antwoord

A gentle answer. When anger or wrath is directed toward us, God tells us the response we must make as Christians in order to glorify Him. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” Prov. 15:1.

‘n Sagte antwoord. Wanneer woede of toorn ons kant toe kom, sê God vir ons dat die reaksie wat ons moet hê as Christene sodat ons Hom kan verheerlk is. “'n Sagte antwoord laat woede bedaar; 'n krenkende woord laat woede ontvlam. Spr. 15:1.

Ponders how to answer. Do you think before you speak? “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.” Prov. 15:28. Do you pour out evil words on other people?

Dink voor hy antwoord. Dink jy voor jy praat? “'n Regverdige mens dink voor hy antwoord; goddelose mense sê net slegte dinge. “Spr. 15:28. Stort jy bose woorde uit oor ander mense?

Folly and shame. Do you halfway listen or cut off the other person before they’ve had a chance to share their thought with you or ask a question? “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.” Prov. 18:13. Give your wife an opportunity to get everything off her chest. Ask her questions so you are sure you understand what she is trying to tell you and why. Is she in need of empathy? Give her a listening and understanding ear. Or, perhaps, she needs help discerning something that just “talking it out” will accomplish.

Dwaas en skande. Luister jy halfweg of sny jy die ander persoon af voordat hulle ‘n kans het om hulle gedagte te deel of om ‘n  vraag te vra? “Wie antwoord voor hy die vraag gehoor het, is dwaas en kom in die skande.” Spr. 18:13. Gee jou vrou die geleentheid om te sê wat sy op die hart het. Vra haar vrae sodat jy seker is jy verstaan wat sy probeer om jou te vertel en waarom. Benodig sy empatie? Gee vir haar ‘n luisterende en ‘n verstaanbare oor. Of, miskien, het sy hulp nodig om iets te ontwaar  wat “uitpraat’ sal bewerkstellig.

Many times your wife doesn’t want you to fix her problems. She needs and wants understanding and encouragement. This sometimes takes a lot of patience, but patience is the proof of your love. "Love is patient…" 1Cor. 13:4. Are you doing all you can to be patient with your wife? Prove your love for her by being patient and understanding. "You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way…." 1Pet. 3:7.

Washed with the Word. Do you bless your wife with God’s Word and with your loving, edifying words? “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.” Eph. 5:25,26,27,28.

 Baie keer wil jou vrou nie hê dat jy haar probleme moet regmaak nie. Sy  het vertandhouding en aanmoediging nodig en wil dit hê. Dit neem somtyds baie geduld, maar geduld is die bewys van jou liefde. “Die liefde is geduldig…” 1Kor. 13:4. Doen  jy alles wat jy kan om geduldig te wees met jou vrou? Bewys jou liefde aan haar deur geduldig en verstandig te wees “ Mans, julle moet verstandig met julle vrouens saamleef…” 1Pet. 3:7.

Gereinig met die Woord. Seën jy jou vrou met God se Woord en met jou liefdevolle, opbouende woorde?  “Mans, julle moet julle vrouens liefhê soos Christus die kerk liefgehad en sy lewe daarvoor afgelê het. Dit het Hy gedoen om die kerk aan God te wy, nadat Hy dit met die water en die woord gereinig het, sodat Hy die kerk in volle heerlikheid by Hom kan neem, sonder vlek of rimpel of iets dergeliks, heilig en onberispelik.” Efe. 5:25,26,27,28.

How Much You Say
Hoeveel Jy Sê

Many words. When there is a lot of talking and discussing, transgression (a violation of God’s Law) cannot be avoided. “With many words transgression is unavoidable.” Prov. 10:19. As the leader, direct lengthy discussions properly to a conclusion. This does not mean that you are to cut your wife off when it’s her turn to share her thoughts, or drop a hurtful “bomb” and then say the matter is finished. Be sure you have understood her. Make sure she knows you understand by giving her a positive and loving response. Most women keep on talking because they don’t feel they are being understood.

Baie woorde. Wanneer daar baie praat en bespreking is, kan die sonde (‘n oortreding van God se wet) nie vermy word nie. “Met baie praat bly die sonde nie uit nie; wie sy woorde tel, is verstandig. Spr. 10:19. As die leier, dirigeer langdurige besprekings behoorlik tot ‘n konklusie. Dit beteken nie dat jy jou vrou afsny wanneer dit haar beurt is om haar gedagtes te deel nie, of om ‘n kwetsende “ bom” te laat val en dan te sê die saak is afgehandel. Wees seker dat jy haar verstaan deur vir haar ‘n positiewe en liefdevolle reaksie te gee. Meeste vrouens hou aan praat omdat hulle voel dat hule nie verstaan word nie. 

Guards his mouth. Are you careful to guard what you say to others, especially your wife? There are those who tell us to speak our mind and to share what we think, but God says, “A man of understanding keeps silent.” Prov. 11:12. And, “One who guards his mouth preserves his life; one who opens it comes to ruin.” Prov. 13:3.

Hou sy mond in bedwang. Is jy versigtig om dit wat jy aan ander sê, onder bedwang te hou spesiaal jou vrou? Daar is diegene wat vir ons sê om te sê wat ons in ons gedagtes het en te deel wat  ons dink, maar God sê   “Wie sy mond in bedwang hou, behou sy lewe; wie sy mond nie kan hou nie, gaan sy ondergang tegemoet.” Spr. 13:3.

Considered wise. Actually, God says that we practice wisdom and appear to be wise when we say nothing. “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise. When he closes his lips he is counted as prudent.” Prov. 17:28.

Aangesien vir ‘n wyse. Eintlik, sê God dat as ons wysheid beoefen ons  aangesien word vir ‘n wyse wanneer ons niks sê nie. “ As 'n dwaas nie praat nie, kan selfs hy aangesien word vir 'n wyse, en as hy sy mond toehou, vir 'n verstandige mens.” Spr. 17:28.

Anything more. “But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’ - anything beyond these is of evil.” Matt. 5:37. Nod your head up and down when your wife is talking to you. If you keep your eyes and mind on what she is trying to tell you, rather than watching the television, reading the paper, or thinking of something else, your conversation will satisfy your wife's need to be heard and understood much more quickly.

Meer as dit. “Laat julle ‘ja’ eenvoudig ‘ja’ wees en julle ‘nee’, ‘nee’. Wat meer gesê word as dit, kom van die Bose.” Matt. 5:37. Knik jy jou kop op en af wanneer jou vrou met jou praat. As jy jou oë en jou verstand hou op dit wat sy besig is om jou te vertel, eerder as om televisie te kyk, die koerant te lees, of aan iets anders te dink, sal jou gesprek jou vrou se behoefte om gehoor en verstaan te word baie gouer bevredig.

Empty chatter. “Guard what has been entrusted to you, avoiding worldly and empty chatter and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called ‘knowledge’ - which some have professed and thus gone astray from the faith.” 1Tim 6:20. When you must make a decision, you do not need to argue your point of view. Just state your decision based on prayer and God’s leading. When your wife sees that your heart is striving to follow the right way, the Lord’s way, and that you are not using your authority to get your own way, then she will stop trying to control or manipulate you.

Sinlose praatjies. “Bewaar wat aan jou toevertrou is. Vermy die onheilige en sinlose praatjies en die redenasies van die “kennis”, soos dit verkeerdelik genoem word. Daar is mense wat daardie “kennis” aanhang en so van die geloof afgedwaal het. Die genade sal by julle wees!” 1Tim. 6:20. Wanneer jy ‘n besluit moet maak, hoef jy nie jou standpunt te argumenteer nie. Verklaar net jou besluit gebaseer op gebed en God se leiding. Wanneer jou vrou sien dat jou hart streef om die regte manier te volg, die Here se manier, en dat jy nie jou gesag gebruik om jou eie manier te kry nie, dan sal sy ophou om jou te probeer beheer en manipuleer.

Be Content, Stop Grumbling
Wees Voldaan, Hou op Kla

Do all things... “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.” Phil. 2:14. Do you sometimes find yourself grumbling about a task before you do it? Now, if it’s something you know you should be doing, do it and don’t grumble or dispute it! Yet, if you are being “railroaded” into doing something you don’t think you should, don’t do it. Remember the trouble it got Adam (and all of us) into. “Then to Adam He said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you’....” Gen. 3:17. “Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him it is sin.” James 4:17.

Doen alles …”Doen alles sonder kla of teëpraat.” Fil. 2:14. Vind jy jouself kla oor ‘n taak voordat jy dit doen? Nou as dit iets is wat jy weet jy behoort te doen, doen dit en moet nie kla of teëpraat nie! Tog, as jy “gedwing” word om iets te doen wat jy nie dink jy behoort te doen nie, moet dit dan nie doen nie. Onthou die moeilikheid wat dit Adam (en almal van ons ) in gekry het. Vir die mens het die Here God gesê: “Omdat jy na jou vrou geluister het en geëet het van die boom waarvan Ek jou verbied het om te eet, ….” Gen. 3:17. “ As iemand weet wat die regte ding is om te doen en hy doen dit nie, is dit sonde.” Jakobus 4:17.

Whatever the circumstances. Are you someone who has to complain about everything that happens to you? You must learn contentment. “Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” Phil. 4:11. Are you setting a good example for your wife and children? Are you, as the head of your household, demonstrating to your family how to be content or are you teaching them to grumble and complain?

Alle omstandighede. Is jy iemand wat moet kla oor alles wat met jou gebeur? Jy moet leer om jou te behelp. “Ek sê dit nie omdat ek gebrek ly nie, want ek het geleer om my in alle omstandighede te behelp.” Fil. 4:11. Stel jy ‘n goeie voorbeeld vir jou vrou en kinders? Demonstreer jy, as die hoof van jou huishouding, vir jou familie hoe om behelp te wees of leer jy hulle om te kla en te beklag?

Great gain. Godliness and contentment must go hand in hand. “But godliness is actually a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment.” 1Tim. 6:6.

Groot wins. Godsdiens en tevredenheid moet hand in hand gaan. “Die godsdiens is ‘n groot wins as iemand tevrede is met wat hy het.” 1Tim. 6:6.

Are you content? “…being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.’ ” Heb. 13:5. Are you satisfied with what you have, or are you constantly trying to upgrade all your “toys” and possessions?

Is jy tevrede? …wees tevrede met wat jy het; want Hy Homself het gesê,  “Ek sal jou nooit verlaat nie, jou nooit in die steek laat nie. ‘ ” Heb. 13:5. Is jy tevrede met wat jy het, of probeer jy aanhoudend om al jou “speelgoed” en besittings op te gradeer?

Crushes the spirit. Proverbs also tells us what our speech can do to our wife’s spirit. “A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion (defined as “obstinate”) in it crushes the spirit.” Prov. 15:4. Is your wife less affectionate to you then she used to be? Maybe, without realizing it, you have crushed her spirit.

Breek mense. Spreuke sê ook vir ons wat ons spraak kan doen aan ons vrou se gees “Kalmerende woorde bring lewe, skynheilige woorde breek mense.” Spr. 15:4. Is jou vrou minder liefhebbend met jou as wat sy voorheen was? Miskien, sonder dat jy dit besef, het jy haar gebreek. 

Is Arguing Good For Marriage?
Is Argumentering Goed Vir Huwelike?

A dry morsel. Some “experts” say that arguing can actually be good for a marriage. What does God say? “Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it, than a house full of feasting with strife.” Prov. 17:1. Strife is defined as a prolonged struggle for power or superiority. There should be no struggle for power or superiority if each one in the family knows their role and each one concentrates on fulfilling that role. Strife comes when these duties are neglected or when each person is too busy seeing to it that the other person is doing what they should.

‘n Stukkie droë brood. Sommige “deskundiges’ sê dat argumentering eintlik goed kan wees vir ‘n huwelik. Wat sê God? “Liewer 'n stukkie droë brood met vrede daarby as 'n huis vol kos met 'n getwis daarby.” Spr. 17:1. Getwis is gedefinieer as ‘n verlengde stryd vir mag en superioriteit. Daar behoort geen stryd vir mag en superioriteit te wees as elke familielid hulle rolle ken en elkeen konsentreer om daardie rol te vervul. Getwis kom wanneer hierdie pligte verwaarloos word of wanneer elke persoon te besig is om toe te sien dat die ander persoon doen wat hulle behoort te doen.

On the subject of quietness, be sure your children are quiet and under your control! It’s not only your wife’s responsibility to keep them quiet. Your presence should warrant respect and silence. (See Lesson 14 “Father’s Instructions” in the Men's Manual.)

Op die onderwerp van stilligheid, wees seker dat jou kinders stil is en onder jou beheer! Dit is nie net jou vrou se verantwoordelikheid om hulle stil te hou nie. Jou teenwoordigheid behoort respek en stilte te waardig. (Sien Les 14 “Vader se Instruksies” in die Mans se Handleiding.) 

Abandon the quarrel. Do you abandon the quarrel, or do you fight until you win? “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.” Prov. 17:14. Again, you do not need to struggle, argue, or prove yourself to be the head of your home. God has given you the leadership position. However, this should never be a place of pride or arrogance. Your headship is to be used to guide, protect and manage your family wisely under God’s direction.

Staak die getwis. Staak jy die getwis, of baklei jy totdat jy wen? “Om rusie te begin, is om 'n damwal te breek; staak liewer die getwis voor die vloed jou tref.” Spr. 17:14. Weer, jy hoef nie te baklei, argumenteer, of jouself te bewys om die hoof van jou huis te wees nie. God het vir jou die leierskap posisie gegee. Nietemin, dit behoort nooit ‘n plek van trots of arrogansie te wees nie. Jou hoofskap moet gebruik word om jou familie wyslik te lei, beskerm en bestuur onder God se direksie. 

Any fool will quarrel. “A fool’s lips bring strife, and his mouth calls for blows.” Prov. 18:6. Perhaps your wife may even take a swing at you if your words are extremely painful to her. Of course, she is no match for you so this could then enter into an abusive situation. Remember to abandon the quarrel before it breaks out! She would be wrong for throwing a punch or for possibly starting the verbal fighting, but you are to be the leader and savior of the body. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” Eph. 5:23. Remember, “... any fool will quarrel!” Prov. 20:3.

Enige dwaas kan ‘n rusie begin. 'n Dwaas praat hom in 'n rusie in, hy soek slae met wat hy sê. “ Spr. 18:6. Dalk mag jou vrou jou selfs ‘n klap gee as jou woorde uiters pynlik vir haar is. Natuurlik, is sy geen gelyke vir jou nie so dit kan in mishandeling ontaard. Onthou om ‘n rusie te vermy voordat dit uitbreek! Sy sal verkeerd wees as sy vir jou ‘n klap te wou gee of om moontlik ‘n verbale geveg te begin, maar jy moet die leier en redder van die liggaam wees.  Die man is die hoof van die vrou, soos Christus die hoof van die kerk is. Christus is ook die Verlosser van die liggaam, sy kerk.” Efe. 5:23. Onthou, “...enige dwaas kan ‘n rusie begin!” Spr. 20:3.

Dealt treacherously. “...the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.” Mal. 2:14-15.

Jy was ontrou aan haar. “...die HERE weet wat gebeur het tussen jou en die vrou met wie jy van jou jeug af getroud is: jy was ontrou aan haar, ontrou aan jou eie vrou, die vrou aan wie jy plegtig trou belowe het. Die Here het man en vrou een gemaak, een in liggaam en gees. En waarom een? Omdat Hy wil hê dat daar 'n nageslag moet wees wat Hom eer. Beheers julle, moenie ontrou wees aan die vrou met wie jy van jou jeug af getroud is nie.” Mal. 2:14-15.

If you have dealt treacherously with your wife, then God is saying to you that you have not even a remnant of His Spirit! That is a sobering thought! Let’s each take a hard look at ourselves and get right with God, then our relationship with our wives will follow.

As jy ontrou was aan jou vrou, dan sê God vir jou dat jy nie eens ‘n oorbyfsel van Sy Gees het nie! Dit is ‘n nugterende gedagte! Kom ons neem elkeen ‘n harde blik na onsself en maak dit reg met God, dan sal ons verhouding met ons vrouens volg.

Covers his garment with wrong. “ ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with wrong,’ says the LORD of hosts. ‘So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.’” Mal. 2:16. Treacherously in the Hebrew translation is defined as to deal deceitfully, unfaithfully, offend, transgress, or depart.

Niks anders as geweld. “Die HERE die God van Israel sê Hy haat egskeiding. Egskeiding is niks anders as geweld nie, sê die HERE die Almagtige. Beheers julle, moenie ontrou wees nie.’” Mal. 2:16.

To cover your garment with wrong is defined as violence, unjust gain, cruel, injustice or an oppressor. Many men are in a physical battle or emotional battle with their wives. We have all seen or known women who try to act as tough as men, but are they? Can they ever be? Think about sports that require physical strength, can men and women ever compete fairly? Have you ever witnessed a situation where a successful businesswoman gave way to tears? From her outward appearance, you may have been fooled into thinking that she was every bit as emotionally tough as a man.

Baie mans is in ‘n fiesise of emosionele stryd met hulle vrouens. Ons het almal vrouens gesien of ken wie optree as taai mans, maar is hulle? Kan hulle ooit wees? Dink aan die sports wat fisiese krag vereis, kan mans en vrouens ooit regverdig kompeteer? Het jy al ooit getuig van ‘n situasie waar ‘n suksesvolle besigheidsvrou begin huil het? Deur haar uitwaartse voorkoms, mag jy dalk geflous wees om te dink dat sy net so emosioneel taai is as ‘n man.  

It is the hope of this ministry that your wife, after seeing a change in you, will desire to read the Workbook for Women. This will encourage her to seek a gentle and quiet spirit; allowing herself to be the weaker vessel. But how will you respond to her? Will you crush her or cherish her? (Prov. 15:4, Eph. 5:29.)

Dit is die hoop van hierdie bediening dat jou vrou, nadat sy ‘n verandering in jou gesien het, sal begeer om die Werkboek vir Vrouens te lees. Dit sal haar aanmoedig om ‘n stil en sagmoedige gees na te streef; en haar toelaat om die swakker geslag te wees. Maar hoe sal jy teenoor haar reageer? Sal jy haar onderdruk of koester? (Spr. 15:4, Efe. 5:29.)

Agree, Especially With Your Wife
Skik, Spesiaal Met Jou Vrou

Agree. One of the most important principles taught in the New Testament concerns agreeing with someone, especially when the other person is angry. “Agree with thine adversary quickly, while thou art in the way with him....” Matt. 5:25 KJV. Listening and nodding your head will help a lot when someone is angry or frustrated. So many times we play the “devil's advocate” trying to show someone the other side. (The name alone should warn us of the probable consequences!) Give your wife a chance to share her thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. Get on her side - and don’t fuel the fire.

Skik. Een van die mees belangrikste beginsels wat in die Nuwe Testament geleer word is om met iemand te skik, spesiaal wanneer die ander persoon kwaad is. “As iemand 'n regsaak teen jou begin, kom betyds tot 'n skikking solank jy nog saam met hom op pad hof toe is…” Matt. 5:25 Afr 83. Deur te luister en jou kop te knik sal baie help wanneer iemand kwaad of gefrustreerd is. So baie keer speel ons die “duiwelsadvokaat” om te probeer om iemand die ander kant te wys. (Die naam alleen behoort ons te waarsku van die heelwaarskynlike nagevolge!) Gee jou vrou ‘n kans om haar gedagtes, gevoelens en frustrasie te deel. Wees aan haar kant - en moet nie die vuur aanstook nie.

Divided against itself. Satan will do all he can to illuminate the areas where you don’t agree so he can divide and conquer your family. “Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” Matt. 12:25. And, “Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and a house divided against itself falls.” Luke 11:17. “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.” Prov. 20:3.

Onderling verdeeld. Satan sal alles doen wat hy kan om die areas waar jy nie skik nie te illumineer sodat hy die familie kan verdeel en oorwin “Elke koninkryk wat onderling verdeeld is, gaan te gronde, en geen stad of huis wat onderling verdeeld is, sal bly staan nie.” Matt. 12:25. “Elke koninkryk wat onderling verdeeld is, gaan te gronde, en 'n huisgesin wat onderling verdeeld is, spat uitmekaar.” Lukas 11:17. “Dit is eerbaar om 'n rusie te vermy; enige dwaas kan 'n rusie begin.” Spr.20:3.

Agreement. This verse shows us why satan works so hard to cause disagreement between Christian couples. “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 18:19. When we don’t agree as a couple, we actually cancel each other out. It’s just as if you were going to vote for opposing political candidates, you might as well stay home. “But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations knowing that they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s bond- servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged.” 2Tim. 2:23.

Saamstem. Hierdie vers wys vir ons waarom satan so hard werk om verdeeldheid tussen Christelike paartjies te veroorsaak. “Verder verseker Ek julle: As twee van julle op aarde oor enige saak saamstem en daaroor bid, sal my Vader wat in die hemel is, hulle dit laat kry.” Matt. 18:19. Wanneer ons nie saamstem as ‘n paartjie nie, kanselleer ons mekaar uit. Dit is net soos as jy gaan stem vir die teenparty politieke kandidate, jy kan net sowel by die huis bly. “Moet jou nie met dwase en sinlose strydvrae inlaat nie, want jy weet tog dat dit net rusies veroorsaak. 'n Dienaar van die Here moenie rusie maak nie. Inteendeel, hy moet vriendelik wees teenoor almal, bekwaam om ander te leer en iemand wat onreg kan dra.” 2Tim. 2:23,24.

Deeds of the flesh are evident. It is evident to other Christians, and certainly to God, when the way we act is of a fleshly nature. “Deeds of the flesh are evident...strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, envying....” Gal. 5:19-21. “If any one advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth....” 1Tim. 6:3-5.

Die praktyke van die sondige natuur is algemeen bekend. Dit is bekend aan ander Christene, en sekerlik aan God, wanneer die manier wat ons optree van ‘n sondige natuur is. “Die praktyke van die sondige natuur is algemeen bekend … vyandskap, haat, naywer, woede, rusies, verdeeldheid, skeuring, afguns…” Gal. 5:19-21. “As iemand 'n ander leer verkondig en nie hou by die gesonde woorde van ons Here Jesus Christus en by die leer van ons godsdiens nie, is hy verwaand en weet hy niks. Hy het 'n sieklike beheptheid met twisvrae en met stryery oor woorde. Daaruit ontstaan afguns, twis, beledigings, gemene verdagmakery, voortdurende rusie van mense wat verstandelik verward en van die waarheid beroof is….”1Tim.6:3-5.

Fruit of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Gal. 5:22. “Urge bondslaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative.” Titus 2:9. As a Christian, you are the Lord's bondslave. He bought you with a price. You are not your wife’s bondslave. You, as Christ’s bondslave, need to be pleasing to Him.

Vrug van die Gees. “Die vrug van die Gees, daarteenoor, is liefde, vreugde, vrede, geduld, vriendelikheid, goedhartigheid, getrouheid, nederigheid en selfbeheersing. Teen sulke dinge het die wet niks nie. “ Gal. 5:22,23. “Die slawe moet in alles aan hulle eienaars onderdanig wees en hulle tevrede stel. Hulle moenie teëpraat.” Titus 2:9. As ‘n Christen, is jy die Here se slaaf. Hy het jou met ‘n prys gekoop. Jy is nie jou vrou se slaaf nie. Jy, as Christus se slaaf, moet in Hom behaag.

Anger of man. You have heard some say that since Jesus was angry and turned over the tables in the temple, we can be angry. “But let everyone be quick to hear; slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20.

‘n Mens wat kwaad word. Jy het sommige hoor sê dat aangesien Jesus kwaad was en die tafels in die tempel omgekeer het, ons kan kwaad wees. “My liewe broers, dít moet julle in gedagte hou: elke mens moet maar te gewillig wees om te luister, nie te gou praat nie en nie te gou kwaad word nie. ‘n Mens wat kwaad word, doen nie wat voor God reg is nie.” Jakobus 1:19-20.

Again, agree! You must try to find the area of agreement instead of the point of disagreement. “Again I say that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 18:19. Take char666ge of a disagreement. Nod your head, find the points you agree on, and state them to her out loud. Wives want to be heard, everyone does. That’s why people get louder and begin screaming or yelling – they want to be heard and understood. Take time to consider the areas where you agree and move in that direction.

Weer, stem saam! Jy moet probeer om die area van saamstem te vind in plaas van die punt van verskil. “Verder verseker Ek julle: As twee van julle op aarde oor enige saak saamstem en daaroor bid, sal my Vader wat in die hemel is, hulle dit laat kry. “ Matt. 18:19. Neem beheer van verskille. Knik jou kop, vind die punte waaroor julle saamstem, en verklaar hulle hardop aan haar. Vrouens wil gehoor word, almal doen. Dit is waarom mense meer luid begin word en begin om te skree of gil - hulle wil gehoor en verstaan word. Neem tyd om die areas waar julle saamstem te oorweeg en beweeg in daardie rigting.

A Lying Tongue
‘n Tong wat Lieg

The Lord hates. Let’s read Proverbs, which tells us much about lying. “There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue and hands that shed innocent blood…” Prov. 6:16-18.

Die Here haat. Kom ons lees Spreuke, wat vir ons baie oor lieg vertel. “Die Here haat ses dinge, nee, daar is sewe waarvan Hy 'n afsku het: oë wat straal van hoogmoed, 'n tong wat lieg, hande wat met bloed bevlek is…” Spr. 6:16-18.

Deceitful. “Deliver my soul, O Lord from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue.” Ps. 120:2. When your wife, or someone else, catches you in a lie (or what you may call a fib), do you deny it? Are you truthful? Or do you debate about exactly what you said to try and twist the truth to your favor? Remember, deceitful is in the definition of dealing treacherously with your wife.

Bedrieërs. “Red my uit die mag van leuenaars, Here, uit die mag van bedrieërs.” Ps. 120:2. Wanneer jou vrou, of iemand anders, jou in ‘n leuen vang (of wat jy mag noem ‘n wit leuentjie), ontken jy dit? Of is jy waaragtig? Of debateer jy oor presies wat jy gesê het om te probeer om die waarheid in jou guns te draai? Onthou deur bedrieglik te wees beteken jy behandel jou vrou verraderlik. 

Father of lies. Be sure that you never lie, because the devil is the father of lies, and lying is an abomination to God. “You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar, and the father of lies.” John 8:44. Remember, it’s the truth that sets you free!

Vader van die leuen. Wees seker dat jy nooit lieg nie, omdat die duiwel is die vader van leuens, en lieg is ‘n gruwel vir God.  “Julle is kinders van die duiwel; hy is julle vader, en julle wil doen wat julle vader wil hê julle moet doen. Hy was van die begin af 'n moordenaar. En hy staan nie aan die kant van die waarheid nie, omdat daar geen waarheid in hom is nie. Wanneer hy leuentaal praat, is dit volgens sy aard, want hy is 'n leuenaar en die vader van die leuen.” Johannes 8:44. Onthou dit is die waarheid wat jou vrymaak!

Impossible To Control When Drinking
Onmoontlik Om Te Beheer Wanneer Jy Drink

Not wise. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, And whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.” Prov. 20:1. The person who is intoxicated by the effects of alcohol is not wise. What you speak while intoxicated will mock you later. “And you neglected all my counsel, And did not want my reproof; I will even laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your dread comes….” Prov. 1:25-26. “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation (frivolous amusement), but be filled with the Spirit….” Eph. 5:18.

Nie verstandig. “Wyn maak jou ligsinnig, drank laat jou lawaai maak; niemand wat van dronkenskap slinger, is nie verstandig nie.” Spr. 20:1. Die persoon wie dronk is deur die effekte van alkohol is nie wys nie. Wat jy sê terwyl jy dronk is sal jou later spot.” Julle het my raad alles in die wind geslaan, julle wou julle nie laat teregwys nie. Daarom sal ek lag as die ongeluk julle tref, ek sal met julle spot wanneer die angs julle oorval….” Spr. 1:25-26. “Moet julle nie aan drank te buite gaan nie; daarmee gaan losbandigheid gepaard. Nee, laat die Gees julle vervul….” Efe. 5:18.

Utter perverse things. “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long over wine, those who go to taste mixed wine. Do not look on the wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly; at the last it bites like a serpent, and stings like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things, and your mind will utter perverse things. And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of the sea, or like one who lies down on the top of a mast. ‘They struck me, but I did not become ill; they beat me, but I did not know it. When shall I awake? I will seek another drink.’ ” Prov. 23:29-35

Praat jy verkeerde dinge. “Wie is dit wat sug en steun, wat rusie maak en kla, onnodig seerkry en bloedbelope oë het? Dit is dié wat tot laat sit en drink, dié wat aanhou proe aan drank. Moenie dat die wyn jou verlei as dit so rooi is, so vonkel in die beker, so lekker smaak nie. Agterna pik hy soos 'n slang, spoeg hy gif soos 'n kobra. Dan sien jy vreemde dinge en praat jy verkeerde dinge; dit voel of jy op die oop see lê, of jy bo-op 'n seilskip se touwerk lê, en jy dink: ek het dan nie seergekry toe hulle my geslaan het nie; ek het nie gevoel toe hulle my aangeval het nie! Wanneer word ek wakker? Ek wil maar weer iets gaan soek om te drink.’ “ Spr. 23:29-35.

A person who drinks a lot is not an alcoholic. Drinking to excess is not a disease; it’s a sin. Confess your sin if you are held by the cords of alcohol. If you stumble, continue to confess and cry out to God for deliverance.

‘n Persoon wat baie drink is nie ‘n alkolis nie. Om oorbodig te drink is nie ‘n siekte nie; dit is sonde. Bely jou sonde as jy vasgedraai is in jou sonde. As jy struikel, gaan voort om te bely en roep uit na God toe vir uitlewering.

Proceeds out. “Not what enters into the mouth defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.” Matt. 15:11. If what you are putting into yourself causes your lips to transgress, then you should stop. Do it for your wife, your children, or others who are close to you. Confess your sin and move on to victory! “…the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32. Hallelujah!

Uitkom. “Dit is nie wat by die mond ingaan wat die mens onrein maak nie. Maar wat by die mond uitkom, dit maak 'n mens onrein.” Matt. 15:11. As dit wa jy in jouself sit veroorsaak dat jou lippe oortree, dan moet jy stop. Doen dit vir jou vrou, jou kinders, of ander wat na aan jou is. Bely jou sondes en beweeg aan na oorwinning! “...die waarheid sal jou vrymaak.” Johannes 8:32. Hallelujah

To Sum Up…
Om Op Te Som

1. Be aware of how much you say: With many words transgression is unavoidable. Instead, let your communication be Yes, yes or No, no - anything more than this will lead to evil.
2. Be careful what you say: by your words you’ll be justified and by your words you’ll be condemned!
3. Do not argue: agree with your adversary quickly!
4. How are we to answer? Give a gentle answer, ponder (think a while) how to answer, and don’t answer before you listen, it is folly and shame!
5. Learn to be content in whatever circumstances you are in.
6. If healing is needed: remember, pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones, and sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness.
7. You must walk in the Spirit and stop doing whatever you please. “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh...these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.”
8. The rule of thumb that will help to guide you is this: whatever comes easy for us to do in the flesh is of the flesh. Whatever is difficult to do and requires us to draw on the Holy Spirit’s strength is walking in the Spirit.

 

1. Wees bewus van hoeveel jy sê: Met baie praat bly die sonde nie uit nie. In plaas daarvan, laat jou kommunikasie wees Ja, ja of Nee, nee - enigiets meer as dit sal na die bose lei.
2. Wees versigtig wat jy sê: op grond van jou eie woorde sal jy vrygespreek of veroordeel word!
3. Moet nie argumenteer nie: kom betyds tot ‘n skikking!
4. Hoe moet ons antwoord? Gee ‘n sagte antwoord, oordink (dink ‘n bietjie) hoe om te antwoord, en moenie antwoord voordat jy luister nie, dit is dwaas an skandelik!
5. Leer om in alle omstandighede waarin jy is behelp te wees.
6. As geneseing benodig is, onthou, aangename woorde is heuning, soet en geneeskragtig vir die mens, en as hy sy woorde reg kies, kan hy ander ook leer.
7. Laat jou lewe steeds deur die Gees van God beheers word en stop om te doen wat jy graag wil. “Wat ek bedoel is dit: Laat julle lewe steeds deur die gees van God beheers word, dan sal julle nooit swig voor begeertees van julle sondige natuur nie…hierdie twee staan lynreg teenoor mekaar, en daarom kan julle nie doen wat julle graag wil doen nie.”
8. Die praktiese reël wat jou sal help om jou te lei is dit: watookal maklik vir jou is om in die natuur te doen is van natuur. Watookal moeilik is om te doen en vereis om op die Heilige Gees se krag te trek is om deur die Heilige Gees beheer te word.

Strive to appear wise by keeping silent.

Let your words be loving and patient.

Love your wife as Christ loves His church.

Streef om wys voor te kom deur stil te bly.

Laat jou woorde liefdevol en geduldig wees.

Wees lief vir jou vrou soos wat Christus lief is vir Sy kerk.

Personal Commitment: To open my mouth with wisdom and healing. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to remain patient, wait before I answer, and to be sweet in my every word, especially to my wife and children.”

Persoonlike Toewyding: Om my mond oop te maak met wysheid en genesing. “Gebasseer op wat ek uit God se Woord geleer het, wy ek my daaraan om geduldig te bly, te wag voor ek antwoord, en skatlik in my elke woord, spesiaal met my vrou en kinders te wees.”

 May God be with you as you strive to be more like Christ!

Mag God by jou wees soos wat jy streef om meer soos Christus te wees!