“My Vrou se Kêrel is Weg”

My wife and I are now back TOGETHER!! After I found myself divorced and living alone in my own apartment without my wife and children, I knew I had to do something RADICAL to change the way I was! So while on the internet I saw the RMI men’s restoration book and I absorbed every concept and principle, basically I "ran" with them just like I do when I run each morning. I read and taped portions, then played them, hearing myself tell myself the truth over and over. Then I'd read more.

My vrou en ek is nou weer SAAM!! Nadat ek myself geskei en alleen in my eie woonstel gevind het sonder my vrou en kinders, het ek geweet dat ek iets RADIKAAL moes doen om die manier wat ek was te verander! So terwyl ek op die internet was het ek die mans se RMI boek gesien en ek het elke konsep en beginsel absorbeer, basies het ek met hulle “gehardloop” net soos wat ek doen wanneer ek elke oggend hardloop. Ek het dele gelees en opgeneem, en gespeel, en gehoor hoe ek myself die waarheid oor en oor vertel. Dan het ek nog gelees. 

When my wife had first left me to find her own apartment, she was so angry, she wouldn’t speak or even look at me. So the first step was to somehow let her know that I had “let go” as your ministry advised. It was tricky because as I said, she wanted nothing to do with me, so I prayed (like the book or somewhere on your site says to do) and God orchestrated a random meeting when I ran into her. I was brief but was clear she was free to go, I was moving on and I was happy about her new boyfriend. Wow, almost immediately she stopped trying to get away from me. She stayed standing there and we talked for several minutes.

Toe my vrou my in die begin gelos het om my eie woonstel te vind, was sy so kwaad sy het nie eens vir my gekyk nie. So die eerste stap was om haar op een of ander manier te laat weet dat ek “laat gaan” het soos wat jou bediening adviseer het. Dit was lastig omdat soos ek gesê het, sy niks met my te doen wou gehad het nie, toe bid ek (soos wat die boek of êrens op jou webwerf sê om te doen) en God het ‘n toevallige ontmoeting orkestreer toe ek in haar vasgeloop het. Ek was kort maar was duidelik dat sy vry was om te gaan, ek het aan beweeg en was bly oor haar nuwe kêrel. Wow, amper onmiddellik het sy gestop om te probeer om weg te kom van my af. Sy het daar gebly staan en ons het vir etlike minute gepraat.

A few weeks later I found out that my wife had trouble finding a baby-sitter when she went out on a date with her new boyfriend, so I offered to baby-sit. This wasn't my idea, but GOD's. He told me if I loved her (and of course I loved my children) so why not offer. This was the opportunity from God that I asked for, but nothing like I wanted it to happen! Each night that I had an "opportunity" to baby-sit soon after I got the children into bed, I kept busy cleaning up the house. I'd run the vacuum first (since the children weren't asleep yet) then I'd start the washer or fold laundry that was on the couch. Next I'd do the dishes that had been left piled high in the sink. If I told anyone I know what they'd say about me so I didn't tell anyone. The truth was, I was determined to go the second, third, or even the fourth mile just like the bible says to do.

‘n Paar weke later het ek uitgevind dat my vrou moeite gevind het om ‘n wiegwag te vind toe sy saam haar nuwe kêrel uitgegaan het, toe offer ek om die wiegwag te wees. Dit was nie my idee nie maar GOD sin. Hy het vir my gesê dat as ek lief is vir haar (en natuurlik was ek lief vir my kinders) so waarom nie offer nie. Dit was die geleentheid van God waarvoor ek gevra het, maar niks soos wat ek wou gehad het dit moes gebeur nie! Elke aand wat ek die geleentheid gehad het om te wiegwag, gou na ek die kinders in die bed gesit het, het ek myself besig gehou om die huis skoon te maak. Ek het eers die stofsuier laat hardloop (omdat die kindes nog nie aan die slaap was nie) dan het ek die wasgoed begin of die wasgoed wat op die bank was opgevou. Volgende het ek die skottelgoed gedoen wat hoog op die wasbak opgestapel was. As ek vir enigiemand wat ek ken vertel het weet ek wat hulle van my sou sê so ek het vir niemand vertel nie. Die waarheid was, ek was vasberade om tot die tweede, derde, of selfs die vierde kilometer te gaan net soos wat die bybel sê om te doen.    

Other than reading my bible and my RYM book, I had nothing in my life, so I was "always be available” whenever my wife called. The truth is that at first it hurt so much to see my wife together with someone else (there were plenty of men) but hey, my children have been through a lot and I cherished every moment that I could spend with them. So that was my main focus when I would want to quit this whole thing because none of this seemed to phase my wife at all. She sort of acted as if this was expected of me, so it took a lot of humility on my part, asking myself "what would Jesus do?"

Anders as om die bybel en my HJH boek te lees het ek niks anders in my lewe gehad nie, so “ek was altyd beskikbaar” wanneer my vrou geskakel het. Die waarheid is dat in die begin het dit so baie seer gemaak om my vrou saam iemand anders te sien (daar was baie mans) maar hey, my kinders is deur baie en ek het elke oomblik wat ek met hulle kon spandeer gekoester. So dit was my hoof fokus wanneer ek wou opgee oor hierdie hele ding omdat niks hiervan het gelyk asof dit my vrou geheel en al faseer het nie. Sy het soort van opgetree asof dit van my verwag word, so dit het baie verootmoediging van my part geneem, en myself te vra “wat sou Jesus gedoen het?”   

Well, God never fails, His word is true and His promises will be fulfilled if you believe and act them out radically! God blessed me for my heart of humility and service toward my wife. Not long after I fought wanting to quit, my wife’s newest boyfriend started to become irritated with me always being in her apartment when they got home from their date. Her boyfriend started to becoming rude and was so arrogant, trying to pick a fight me. But I told my wife I'd never again respond to anything in anger (it was the reason she left me) so no matter what, I had to respond with kindness and accept each insult he threw at me.

Wel God misluk nooit nie, Sy woord is waar en Sy beloftes sal vervul word as jy glo en radikaal optree! God het my geseën vir my hart van ootmoed en diens teenoor my vrou. Nie lank na ek baklei het en wou opgee, het my vrou se nuutste kêrel geïrriteerd begin word met my wat altyd in hulle woonstel was wanneer hulle teruggekom het na hulle uit was. Haar kêrel het ongeskik begin word en was so arrogant, en het probeer om ‘n bakleiery met my te begin. Maar ek het vir my vrou gesê ek sou nooit weer uit woede op enigiets reageer nie (dit was die rede dat sy my verlaat het) so maak nie saak wat nie, ek moes in vriendelikheid reageer en elke belediging wat hy na my toe geslinger het aanvaar.  

After a few more of these attacks, my wife stood up for me!! Three weeks later after another incident when he tried to pick a fight, my wife ordered her boyfriend out of the house and said as she slammed the screen door, “...and don’t come back!”

Na nog ‘n paar weke van hierdie aanvalle, het my vrou vir my opgestaan!! Drie weke later na nog ‘n voorval toe hy probeer het om ‘n bakleiery met my te begin, het my vrou haar kêrel uit die huis beveel en soos wat sy die skerm deur toegeslaan het gesê, “...en moenie terugkom nie!”

I didn't know what to say. That's when my wife said that she could no longer deny the radical change in me. She knew that the change in me was real. She said that when I first came she thought I was just trying to get her back so she actually tried to make me break.

Ek het nie geweet wat om te sê nie. Dit was toe dat my vrou gesê het sy kon nie meer die radikale verandering in my ontken nie. Sy het geweet dat die verandering eg was. Sy het gesê dat toe ek in die begin gekom het sy gedink het dat ek net besig was om te probeer om haar terug te kry so sy het eintlik probeer om my te maak breek.

It was just a few months later we remarried again! Glory to God!! I know this testimony should have been sent years ago. But it's been many years and when I referred a friend I was sad to see that Arlo had passed so I never got a chance to thank him for the letters he wrote for all of us and the example he set.

Dit was net ‘n paar maande later toe is ons weer getroud! Glorie aan God!! Ek weet hierdie getuienis moes jare terug gestuur word. Maar dit is al baie jare en toe ek ‘n vriend verwys het was ek hartseer om te sien dat Arlo oorlede is so ek het nooit die kans gehad om hom te bedank vir die briewe wat hy vir almal van ons geskryf het en die voorbeeld wat hy gestel het nie.

Coby and Iva in Indiana, RESTORED for years

Coby en Iva in Indiana, HERSTEL vir jare