Bonatuurlike Huwelik Herstel in New York!

PRAISE GOD with all of your hearts and souls for HE is GOOD! This report is long overdue!! I first came to this site for what seems like a long time ago, but in reality it was just last April, less than a year ago. At that time, I had separated from my wife (by her request) and was lost in a sea of despair.

LOOF GOD met al julle harte en siel want HY is GOED! Hierdie verslag is lank agterstallig!! Ek het eers na hierdie webwerf toe gekom in wat lyk soos ‘n lang tyd gelede, maar in realitieit was dit verlede April, minder as ‘n jaar gelede. Destyds, is ek van my vrou vervreem (deur haar versoek) en ek was verlore in ‘n see van wanhoop.

Things got progressively worse in my marriage even as I drew closer to God. There was no talking to her, as all I ever got was anger and resentment. Things went from ‘let’s just take a break and see where it leads us’ to her filing for custody of our girls, getting an order of protection against me and filing for support claiming I was not paying anything (when the whole time I had been giving her almost half of my paycheck every two weeks).

Dinge het progressief erger geword selfs toe ek nader aan God beweeg het. Ek kon nie met haar praat nie, al wat ek ooit gekry het was woede en gegriefdheid. Dinge het gegaan van ‘kom ons neem ‘n breek en sien waar dit ons lei’ tot haar wat aansoek doen vir bewaring van ons dogters, en om ‘n orde van beskerming teen my te kry en aansoek te doen vir ondersteuning en geeis het dat ek niks betaal nie (toe ek die heeltyd vir haar amper die helfte van my salaris elke twee weke gegee het). 

It forced me into the court system that many of you know causes much more harm then good. We had to see a counselor jointly, individually and as a part of groups.

Dit het my in die hof stelsel geforseer wat baie van julle weet veroorsak meer skade as goed. Ons moes ‘n berader saam, individueel en as deel van groepe sien.

The counseling was going nowhere and she was insistent that “this marriage was over.” She only wanted to work out issues relating to our girls. Things got progressively worse as we were ordered to go to a court-ordered forensic evaluation to determine our status as parents.

Die berading het nêrens gegaan nie en sy was vasberade “dat hierdie huwelik verby was.” Sy wou net kwessies wat met ons dogters te doen gehad het uitwerk. Dinge het progressief erger geraak omdat ons beveel was om na ‘n hof-bevele forensiese evaluasie toe moes gaan om ons status as ouers vas te stel.

With this news my wife filed for divorce on July 9. During all this, I kept drawing closer to the Lord and relying on Him for my strength. I used the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Man as my guides. I continued to pray and fast, giving my wife everything she asked for and more, if it was at all possible.

Met hierdie nuus het my vrou op 9 Julie ‘n egskeiding aanhanig gemaak. Deur dit alles, het ek aangehou om nader aan die Here te beweeg en op Hom staat gemaak vir my krag. Ek het die boek Hoe God Jou Huwelik Kan en Sal Herstel en ‘n Wyse Man as my gidse gebruik. Ek het voort gegaan om te bid en vas, en vir my vrou alles gegee waarvoor sy gevra het en meer, as dit ooit moontlik was.

In the midst of it all, she and the girls went away for a vacation, and it was during that time that the Lord began working on her heart! We had several phone conversations, and while there seemed to be no movement on her part, it was more than we had talked in the past four months!

Ten midde van alles, het sy en die meisies weg gegaan met vakansie, en dit was gedurende daardie tyd wat die Here aan haar hart begin werk het! Ons het verskeie telefoonoproepe gehad, en terwyl dit gelyk het asof daar geen beweging van haar kant af was nie, was dit meer as wat ons in die verlede vier maande gepraat het!

We ended up arranging the next appointment to discuss “separation” versus “divorce” and to talk about how we were going to handle the upcoming evaluation. (Certainly, God was beginning to move things in the right direction!)

Ons het opgeeindig om die volgende afspraak te reël om “verwydering” versus “egskeiding” te bespreek en om te praat oor hoe ons die opkomende evaluasie gaan hanteer. (Sekerlik, was God besig om dinge in die regte rigting te beweeg!)

My wife came back from vacation without the girls who where spending a week with their grandparents. God was using the time away from our girls to continue to work on her heart, to show her my heart and how my separation from our daughters and her had made me feel. At the same time He showed me her heart and how she had felt for so long in our marriage.

My vrou het teruggekom van vakansie af met die meisies wie ‘n week saam hulle ouma en oupa spandeer het. God het die tyd weg van ons meisies gebruik om aan haar hart te werk, om vir haar my hart te wys en hoe my skeiding van ons dogters en haar my gemaak voel het. Dieselfde tyd het Hy my haar hart gewys en hoe sy vir so lank in on huwelik gevoel het.

Instead of dwelling on what was happening and the upcoming evaluation, I just continued to attend three weekly church services and let the Lord lead me in whatever His will was for me.

In plaas daarvan om te dwaal oor wat besig was om te gebeur en die opkomende evaluasie, het ek voort gegaan om drie weeklikse kerk dienste by te woon en toegelaat dat die Here my lei in watookal Sy wil vir my was.

Eventually, this led her to call me while I was at still at church. When I went, I went with the intention of asking for prayer for myself over the upcoming evaluation and I ended up laying hands on two brothers who where in similar marital crises. I was overcome with their grief, pain and sorrow. I was wiped out, but strangely filled with God’s peace. I arrived home late to find a message to call my wife.

Uiteindelik, het dit haar gelei om my te skakel terwyl ek nog by die kerk was. Toe ek gegaan het, het ek gegaan met die voorneme om gebed vir myself te vra oor die opkomende evaluasie en ek het opgeeindig om hande op twee broers te lê wie in eenderse huweliks krisisse was. Ek was oorkom met hulle hartseer, pyn en smart. Ek was uitgemergel, maar vreemd met God se vrede gevul. Ek het laat by die huis gekom om ‘n boodskap te vind om my vrou te skakel.

What happened next can only be explained as God’s mighty hand at work! We ended up talking for over three hours, and all of it was good!!! Praise the Lord! The next evening our counseling session went so well that the therapist asked if he should say something controversial to provoke an argument as we were getting along so well. (Can you imagine?)

Wat volgende gebeur het kan net verduidelik word as God se kragtige hand aan die werk! Ons het opgeeindig om vir drie ure te praat, en alles was goed!!! Loof die Here! Die volgende aand het ons berading sessie so goed gegaan dat die terapeut gevra het of hy iets omstrede moes sê om ‘n argument aan te hits omdat ons so goed oor die weg gekom het. (Kan jy jou verbeel?)

We both responded with an emphatic NO! Instead, we spent the next two hours eating and talking over a meal that I had prepared for us! When we got up to leave, my wife gave me a hug—the first one in over six months! Hallelujah! I was singing God’s praises all the way home!!!

Ons het albei reageer met ‘n empatiese NEE! In plaas daarvan, het ons die volgende twee ure gespandeer om te eet en te praat oor ‘n maaltyd wat ek vir ons voorberei het! Toe ons opstaan om te gaan, het my vrou my ‘n drukkie gegee—die eerste een in meer as ses maande! Hallelujah! Ek het God se lof al die pad huis toe besing!!!

I arrived home to a ringing telephone and it was my wife! We talked for another three-plus hours! There were no harsh or angry words! The next day, she called in tears because she was not able to drop the order of protection. She was afraid that I would be angry and that it would cause us to lose the ground we were gaining.

Ek het by die huis gekom met ‘n telefoon wat lui en dit was my vrou! Ons het vir nog ‘n drie ure plus gepraat! Daar was geen skel of kwaai woorde nie! Die volgende dag, het sy in trane geskakel omdat sy nie in staat was om die beschermingsbevel te kanselleer nie. Sy was bang dat ek kwaad sou wees en dat dit sou veroorsaak dat ons die voorstand wat ons besig was om te win sou verloor.

I prayed for and with her and we agreed to meet for dinner. We enjoyed another two-hour dinner and a three-hour phone call. Friday evening we again talked for three hours and she invited me over to see our daughters. This was beyond anything I had hoped for because previously she had insisted on a strict two-week visitation schedule.

Ek het vir en saam haar gebid en ons het ingestem om vir aandete te ontmoet. Ons het nog ‘n twee-ure aandete en drie-ure telefoonoproep geniet. Vrydagaand het ons weer vir drie ure gepraat en sy het my oorgenooi om ons dogters te sien. Dit was bo enigiets waarvoor ek gehoop het omdat sy voorheen aangedring het op ‘n streng twee-week besoek skedule.

Saturday, I was surprised to be invited for dinner. Afterward, she asked me to come over and spend Sunday with them as a family to talk over the evaluation that was taking place the next morning. During the previous week my wife’s greatest fear was this evaluation and the (remote) possibility that something terrible would come of it.

Saterdag was ek verras om vir aandete genooi te word. Daarna, het sy my gevra om oor te kom en Sondag saam hulle as ‘n familie te spaneer om oor die evaluasie te praat wat die volgende oggend sou plaasvind. Gedurende die vorige week was my vrou se grootste vrees hierdie evaluasie en die (afgeleë) moontlikheid dat iets verskrikliks daarvan sou kom.

That fear lead to lots of prayer and Scripture reading for us together! Once again, GOD showed HIS GRACE and the evaluation went extremely well. So well that we went out as a family for dinner to celebrate! This led to us spending ever-increasing amounts of time together for GOD to work on healing wounds that had festered for years.

Daardie vrees het na baie gebede en Bybel lees vir ons saam gelei! Weereens, het GOD SY GENADE gewys en die evaluasie het uiters goed afgeloop. So goed dat ons as ‘n familie uit gegaan het vir aandete om te vier! Dit het daartoe gelei dat ons altyd-vermeerderde tyd saam spandeer het vir GOD om te werk om wonde wat vir jare gesweer het te genees.

In September, we celebrated our fourteenth wedding anniversary by going away for three days (without the girls) and I moved back home!!! Hallelujah!!! It has been four months since then and we continue to draw closer to GOD and each other! We attended a “Family Life Weekend to Remember Conference” in November and we are teaching a seventh through ninth grade Sunday School Family Faith class! Awesome!!

In September, het ons ons veertiende huweliks herdenking gevier deur vir drie dae weg te gaan (sonder die meisies) en ek het terug getrek huis toe!!! Hallelujah!!! Dit is vier maande sedertdien en ons gaan voort om nader aan GOD en mekaar te beweeg! Ons het ‘n “Familie Lewe Naweek om te Onthou Konferensie” in November bgewoon en ons gee onderrig aan graad sewe tot nege Sondagskool Familie Geloof klas! Ontsagwekkend!!

I praise and thank the LORD every day! I continually look for ways to let my wife know how much I appreciate and love her. I bring home flowers, chocolates, make dinner, pack lunches in the morning and leave love notes for her when she comes home from her group late at night.

Ek loof en dank die HERE elke dag! Ek kyk voortdurend vir maniere om my vrou te laat weet hoe baie ek haar waardeer en lief is vir haar. Ek bring blomme, sjokolade huis toe, maak aandete, pak kospakkies in die oggend en los liefdes notas vir haar vir wanneer sy laat in die aand van haar groep af terugkeer.

Dear ones do not despair, for if ever there was a hopeless situation it was mine. GOD can change the hardest heart and heal the most broken marriage! Trust in HIM, worship HIM, give HIM thanks in all things and let your JOY in knowing HIM as your LORD and personal Savior be your guiding light.

Liewe mense moet nie wanhopig word nie, vir as daar al oot ‘n hopelose situasie was was dit myne. GOD kan sefs die hardste hart verander en die mees gebroke huwelik genees! Vertrou op HOM, gee HOM dank in alle dinge en laat jou VREUGDE deur HOM as jou HERE en persoonlike Redder te ken jou leidende lig wees.

All my love in Christ!

Al my liefde in Christus!