Chapter 9 "Man Alone"
Then the Lord God said,
‘It is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him.’
God designed a woman for a man: “. . . bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 3:12). So why have we men stood back and allowed the feminist philosophies to dishonor the woman’s role as wife, mother, and homemaker? Men have stood back because most men are unsure of what a woman was created and designed to do and to be. As we see in today’s media-indoctrinated world, men are not men and women are no longer women. This has been part of the feminist movement’s agenda for years—to try and blend the roles. We now have confusion and unhappiness in both of the sexes. The result? Homosexuality and lesbianism run rampant in our society!
Created for the man. We must seek the knowledge found in God’s Word to define how we were created and why we were created. “And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:20). “For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake” (1 Cor. 11:8–9). As we begin to move into God’s perfect plan for our lives, we then can live the abundant life God promises in His Word. Our lives will reflect God’s Word, rather than deny it. Others will be drawn to Christ through the testimony of our lives.
Created male and female. “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Gen. 1:27). “He created them male and female, and He blessed them and named them man in the day when they were created” (Gen. 5:2). “But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female” (Mark 10:6). “And He answered and said, ‘Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female . . .’” (Matt. 19:4).When a woman wears clothing or has a hairstyle that is unfeminine or downright masculine, she is denying that God created her differently.
Masculine. We were created to be men. Don’t be duped by modern-day psychology into thinking you need to be more feminine. We need to learn the difference between a feminine man and a gentleman. Webster’s Dictionary defines a gentleman as a man of high principles, honorable, and courteous—not ladylike! The disgusting truth is that our society is rampant with effeminate men! “Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals. . . shall inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6:9). If you try to change to be more like your wife, what example of a man will your sons have? Work toward being polite yet strong; learn to be a gentleman.
Man’s clothing and woman’s clothing. “A woman shall not wear man’s clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God” (Deut. 22:5). We all know that the way people dress affects the way they act. When a little girl puts on a new dress, all her femininity bubbles up and she feels like twirling around and dancing. When a woman wears an apron, she feels more like sticking around the kitchen and baking for her family. When she’s wearing a pretty dress, she feels elegant, beautiful, and even romantic. Clothes really do “make the person.” Unfortunately, many women are dressing and looking more and more like their husbands by wearing jeans, athletic shoes, and very short hair. There are those women whose work uniform is really a man’s clothing, complete with necktie. Their mannerisms usually reflect what they are wearing. Why is it that women are made to wear men’s clothing and not the other way around? The reason is because men just wouldn’t do it. Yet we allow ourselves as husbands and fathers to be manipulated into letting our wives and daughters look like fools because a bunch of unfeminine women tell us that we are chauvinist pigs if we protect them.
Men, it’s time that we as Christians get hold of some of these concepts so we can begin to follow God’s principles, teach them to our children, and not be ashamed to speak the Truth to our friends and family. If these principles from God’s Word have not been followed because of ignorance or rebellion, now is the time to show ourselves approved. “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the Word of Truth” (2 Tim. 2:15). Remember, many are perishing for a lack of knowledge. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge . . .” (Hos. 4:6).
Become One Flesh
Leave his father and mother. “‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’” (Matt. 19:5). “Consequently, they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6). Leaving physically is not exactly what these verses are talking about, since we know that in the days when the Old Testament was written, married sons would continue to live with their fathers after they were married. The Scriptures are talking about leaving spiritually and emotionally. It is a transfer of loyalty from a man’s parents to his wife. It pertains to a man making his own decisions for the good of his own family, his wife, and his children. If you are making your decisions based on the likes and dislikes of your parents, you are missing the closeness God desires for your marriage. You must leave your parents (spiritually and emotionally) before you can properly cleave to your wife.
Cleave to wife. “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Cleaving is defined as “a desperate holding onto.” This is quite clearly not happening today, since so many men leave their wives. Are you still trying to please or find approval from the family that you should have left? “But,” you may be saying, “doesn’t the Bible say we are to honor our father and mother?” We are to honor our parents, even when we are adults. However, Scripture also states very clearly that we are to honor our wives. “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7).
When we have a division between what our wife thinks or feels, and what our parents think or feel, what are we as men to do? Who should we honor? Jesus told us by quoting Genesis, “‘For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’” (Matt. 19:5). He also said, “Consequently, they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6). The reason why many men have not properly cleaved to their wife is that they have not “left” their mothers or fathers.
Do you and your wife argue about your family and her family? Do you defend your mother or father or even brother or sister when there is a dispute, instead of being on the side of your wife? If your family is getting between you, as a couple, then you have not cleaved—you are not one flesh with your wife.
Testimony: Amber’s* husband had left her for another woman, but after about two years, praise the Lord, he returned home. However, there were still some troubles—all of which seemed to stem from his family. His parents refused to accept the way they, as a couple, raised their children. Among other things, they didn’t accept the fact that they wanted to home school their children and they also couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t want to celebrate Halloween.
Amber’s husband had tried for years to explain his strong Christian beliefs to his unsaved father and Christian mother, yet he found it impossible to reason with his parents. In addition, even though they lived states apart, there was a weekly phone call from his parents which would usually leave Amber’s husband depressed. His parents continued to control, manipulate, and intimidate him even though he had been married for many years.
Amber was surprised and concerned when her husband told her that he was going to cut off all communication with his parents. She felt responsible, but her husband assured her that it was his decision and that he needed to do this so he could concentrate on his relationship with her.
After about seven months, Amber reported that she and her husband had come closer to a one-flesh union than they ever had been before. She has not questioned or pressured her husband to contact his parents, nor has she allowed false guilt to rob her of the blessing of her husband cleaving to and honoring her as his wife.
Men, do “whatever it takes” to show your wife that she is first in your life. When you do, you will realize a closeness with your wife that only comes when you become one with her.
One flesh. “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib, which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man’” (Gen. 2:21). “And the two shall become one flesh; consequently, they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8). “Consequently, they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6).
Being one flesh with our wives is certainly easy to comprehend during times of physical intimacy, but in addition to physical oneness, we need to be one with her emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Do you and your wife have the same goals and directions? Are you allowing or encouraging division in your home? Have you encouraged or allowed your wife to pursue a degree or career that will eventually cause division?
God created woman to help and complete the man—not to be a second wage earner. Once a marriage takes place, they are “no longer two, but one flesh.” This means that they live their lives together as one, not as “roommates” where each has a life apart from the other. If your wife is the one pushing for division, pray. Satan is roaming around looking for marriages to devour. If yours becomes divided, it will no longer stand (Matt. 12:25, Mark 3:25, Luke 11:17).
It is an abomination. A physical “one flesh” can only be accomplished with a man and a woman. There is a void in a wife that was designed to be filled by her husband. God created us male and female to produce fruits (children) from our union. Homosexuality is sin. It is an abomination to the Lord. Since the media continuously tries to pervert our conception of the Truth, we need to renew our minds to line up with what is written in the Scriptures. “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination” (Lev. 18:22).
We as Christians need to live our lives in an uncompromising way, so that we are not double-minded. “I hate those who are double-minded, but I love Thy law” (Ps. 119:113). “. . . being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8). “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4:8). We cannot be lukewarm about something that is an abomination to God. Don’t be afraid to speak the truth on this issue. (See Chapter 12, “Fruit of the Womb,” for more knowledge.)
Man independent of woman. The one flesh union of a man and his wife brings about children as fruit, and yet we are also to have the fruit of our emotional and mental union: the blending of our hearts and our desires. God created women with certain needs and us men with certain needs; our spouses should fill the voids in our lives so that we function like a working gear as we move through life. If we fill our voids apart from our mates, the gear slips. The more we fill our voids apart from our spouses, the more our relationship slips. Soon we find there is nothing left to hang on to.
Many of us have believed the lie that it is not good to be dependent on each other. Being dependent is taunted as the “disease” of co-dependency from which we must be cured. “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man . . .” (1 Cor. 11:11–12). Remember, God created a void in each of us that only our spouses can (or should) fill. When we violate God’s ways, we reap the consequences. We as men are to be the providers, the protectors, and the spiritual leaders for our wives and children. Our wives are to bear children (our heritage), nurture and teach our children, give comfort, provide meals for the family, and keep a clean, well-kept home.
In toil. “Then to Adam He said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, “You shall not eat from it”; cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life’” (Gen. 3:17). After the fall of man, the man and the woman were each given a punishment; the woman was given pain in childbirth, and the man would have to toil the ground (work). So why is the man’s punishment often shared by both the man and the woman? When women earn their own money, they obviously want to make their own decisions on how it is to be spent. When wives have different careers than that of the home and children, it divides the couple’s interests and makes them independent of each other.
Protector. When women protect themselves because they feel they can or need to “fight their own battles,” they begin to feel they don’t need our protection. Is it your wife who tells that salesperson off or gets rid of the guy at the door—probably with more gusto than you do? Have you forgotten how to handle these situations since you married your wife? Who really wears the pants in the family? If you tell your wife to take it easy or to slow down, does she tell you to mind your own business, or worse? It is our business to protect our wives and children. So what do we do when our wives continue to take charge or take over our position?
First, we must acknowledge that they have taken on this attitude because of our neglect. Either we didn’t take on the challenges or we were absent because of our jobs, hobbies, or whatever. Once we can admit this, we can then confess it to our wives. Then, regardless of how she accepts the new arrangements, we must take on each challenge that comes against our family. We might say that we would attack anyone trying to harm a member of our family, but what about how we handle the bad service at the restaurant or the rude repairman? Do your teenage sons or daughters know that if they are ever disrespectful to their mother, they will suffer serious consequences from you?
Populate the earth abundantly. The Bible says that God is the one who opens the womb, but is there someone trying to control how many children you and your wife are going to have? Is it you, your parents, or your in-laws? How many times have you heard a man say that his wife doesn’t want to have any more children? There was a time, in the not so distant past, when that could be used as a reason for a man to divorce his wife. But again, the feminist movement has changed all that. It is now legal to kill our “mistake” if our birth control fails.
Men, wake up! If you are not allowing God to determine the size of your family, then you are allowing your own heritage to be destroyed through ungodly, socialistic indoctrination! You are neglecting the primary reason God created the woman for the man—to be fruitful and multiply. “And as for you, be fruitful and multiply; populate the earth abundantly and multiply in it” (Gen. 9:7). If your wife is unwilling to have more children, you had better start praying that God will open her eyes to the Truth or send a godly woman who will influence her in the right way. And if you’re the problem, you had better stop worshiping the Almighty Dollar or the Baal of Possessions, or else stop calling yourself a Christian because you’re giving Christianity a bad name! (Again, see Chapter 12, “Fruit of the Womb,” for more knowledge.)
Ask their own husbands at home. Brother, are you leading in spiritual matters? Does your wife come to you with her questions because you are her spiritual leader? Or, does she think, “Why would I go to him? What does he know? I’m the one who goes to all Bible studies and seminars!” “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (Prov. 31:23).
Men, we need to take an active role in leadership, both at home and in our churches. Don’t leave your role as the spiritual leader to the pastor, the Sunday school teacher, or the Bible study teacher. Don’t keep making excuses; begin now. “And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church” (1 Cor. 14:35). Guys, if you really want your wife to love you, become a mighty man of God. She will be drawn to you like steel to a magnet!
Father. As parents, many of us have been pushed out of our role or made to conform to the female type of parenting. Some of us have been criticized for the way we handle or treat the children so often that we have just stopped “interfering.” Meanwhile, the media is trying to mold us into effeminate fathers, so that there will be no difference between mothering and fathering—thus, it becomes “parenting.”
God purposely provided children with a mother and a father with distinctly different characteristics. Our children need both parents in order to grow up without a bunch of hang-ups or emotional troubles. If the roles are blended and blurred, who needs a father? “Honor your father and mother; and you shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 19:19).
An excellent wife, who can find? We husbands need a wife who can take care of our physical needs by cooking, laundering our clothes, caring for the home, and bearing, nurturing, teaching, and training our children. Have you and your wife declared yourselves “liberated” by rejecting the biblical husband and wife roles in your home? Or, are you following Christ and obeying God’s Word? “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax, and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night, and gives food to her household . . . She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet” (Prov. 31:10–21).
“That’s right,” you’re probably saying. “Who can find this excellent wife?” Men, you may be a bit disgusted right now as you think of the woman you married and consider how she has let you and your children down. But before you attack her, you must ask yourself this question: Who is ultimately responsible for everything that goes on in your household? You are. You are to be the proper husband, father, and leader of your family. Ask yourself if you have encouraged your wife to be a “keeper of the home,” or have you instead let her be carried away by pursuing a college degree or her own career?
If you are in a situation that needs to be changed, don’t go to your wife with new demands. Love her. Be patient with her. Listen to her. Understand her. If you truly love her and she feels it, she will do anything for you. Harshness will only result in hurts and/or rebellion.
Stop depriving one another. If you have gone along with the feminist way of thinking and your wife has been liberated from her duties as a wife and mother, more than likely you also have become “liberated” from your physical oneness. “But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Cor. 7:2–5).
When there is lack of oneness in this area, we must get at the root of the problem—our roles are out of God’s order. Many men, wanting to avoid any confrontation with their wives, allow the troubles at home to wear them down and eventually give in to weaknesses and temptations. “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech . . .” (Prov. 5:3). “With her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter . . . So he does not know that it will cost him his life” (Prov. 7:21–23). Men, talking to your wife doesn’t mean confronting her on the issue. If you lovingly share your heart and feelings with her, she won’t be tempted to become defensive.
He who would restrain her. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you must “take control.” It will only lead to an argument. Remember the contentious woman? “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; he who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand” (Prov. 27:15–16). Men, love your wife as the Bible says. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her . . .” (Eph. 5:25).
Who Should Be the Spiritual Leader?
One question many women ask is “Who should be the spiritual leader since my husband won’t or doesn’t do it?” Or, many women will state, “I have to be the spiritual leader of our home because my husband is not even a Christian!” Why are so many men neglecting or forfeiting their position as the head of their family?
Her husband is known. True Christian women desire their husbands to be spiritual leaders. “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (Prov. 31: 23). However, some women have decided that they want to be the leaders. And since many of us have neglected our leadership duties, we have left our wives open to be deceived by the teachings of liberated pastors. Thus, many of our wives have been taken captive. “For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the Truth” (2 Tim. 3:6–7). Many churches are now overrun with weak men and strong-willed women. Our effectiveness as a church body has been greatly hindered because many men, Christian men, are not taking up their God-given roles of leadership! “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how will it be made salty again? It is good for nothing anymore, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men” (Matt. 5:13).
Christ is the head of every man. Christ is the head of every man, not just every Christian man.“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of woman, and God is the head of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:3).
Teach or exercise authority over a man. “But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet” (1 Tim. 2:12). “O My people! Their oppressors are children, and women rule over them. O My people! Those who guide you lead you astray, and confuse the direction of your paths” (Isa. 3:9). When a wife rules the home, there is nothing but trouble. If your mother or your wife’s mother was in charge of her home, chances are that your home is following the same pattern. As a Christian man, you can’t, in good conscience, allow this to continue. This doesn’t mean going to your wife and demanding to take over. Remember, it was through your neglect that things got out of order. You must first make time for prayer, Bible reading, and meditation. This will take effort on your part, but God will lead you and direct your paths if you seek Him for answers. When your wife sees your spiritual strength demonstrated by your love for her, your children, and the Word of God, she will gladly give you the leadership position.
Be subject to your own husbands in everything. We as men cannot pick and choose when and if we want to lead our families. “Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord . . . to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22–24). It is clear from the above Scriptures that God has put all husbands in the spiritual leadership role of the home.
No one can serve two masters. When things get out of order in our homes because we’ve neglected to lead our families and direct what goes on, our wives and children will begin to despise us. Remember, if you have turned over most of your authority to other people or institutions, confusion and rebellion will reign! “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other” (Matt.6:24). An example of this is when a child who listens and obeys his parents is sent off to school. After a couple of weeks, he begins to tell his parents that they are wrong and the teacher is right! (See Chapter 14, “Father’s Instruction,” for more knowledge on home schooling and what you should consider and pray about before sending your children to college.)
He will do it. Does your wife sometimes act as though she is your personal Holy Spirit? Why does she do this? Could it be because you have neglected to gain the spiritual wisdom and knowledge needed to effectively lead your family? Does your wife know her Bible better than you do? Or, are your children better versed in Scripture than you are? If you think that it’s too late for you to learn or that you are too far behind to get ahead of your wife and children to properly lead them, you are wrong. Since God has called us to be the leaders of our homes, He will enable us. We must confess our sin of neglect. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (James 5:16). Let’s boast about our weaknesses. “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me” (2 Cor. 12:9). And above all, trust the Lord.“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it” (Ps. 37:5).
Washing of water with the Word. Men, we need to understand that what we say to our wives, what we read to our wives, and what we permit or encourage our wives to see is extremely important. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless” (Eph. 5:25–27). Some of us complain that our wives nag us, lie to us, or start arguments with us. Yet, do we ever stop to consider what she is watching every day—possibly soap operas? Do you together watch the stupid evening sitcoms where the men are portrayed as buffoons and the women are all contentious comedians? What movies do you saturate your wife with? What movies do you saturate yourself with? The next time you and your wife or family sit down to watch anything, just think of what you’re watching as a “training film,” because the behavior will be learned and acted out!
The narrow gate. Men, enter through that “narrow gate” by turning off the television. And stop sending your weekly or monthly dues to the God-haters in Hollywood via the movie theater. “Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it” (Matt. 7:13).
You will know them by their fruits. What kind of fruit are you producing as a Christian husband and father? “You will know them by their fruits . . .” (Matt. 7:16). If you are not leading your family daily in the Word, then you are most likely producing thorns, not fruit. Do you read your Bible daily; if so, for how long? Compare the time you spend reading the newspaper and magazines to the time you spend reading your Bible. If you’re not spending enough time reading the Word, what are you going to do about it? Are you putting into practice what you have learned by reading this manual? Can anyone see any change in you? “For if anyone is a hearer of the Word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man shall be blessed in what he does” (James 1:23–25).
The Husband and Wife Relationship
We men are to be the spiritual leaders of our homes. The Bible says that we are to have the same type of relationship with our wives as Jesus Christ has with His Church. Let’s study His Word together and learn more about how we husbands are to be with our wives.
The head. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church . . .” (Eph. 5:23). “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:3).
We learned in Chapter 8, “Manages His Own Household,” about the relationship of authority in the home. We also learned about the benefits of our wives being subject to us, for their protection and our children’s protection. The Scriptures compare Christ as the head of the church to us as the head of our wives. Just as good leadership is the key to a well-run company, so it is with our homes. We must lead! Don’t miss this point—you must lead. Take control by coming up with solutions to the problems that arise in your home. Proper leadership means you walking the right way (through the narrow gate) and your wife and children following. Many men want to “tell” their wives and children what to do, yet they are unwilling to lead!
The savior. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christalso is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body” (Eph. 5:23). The husband is the savior of the body. Many of us act as though our wife is to be the savior of our family. An example of this would be when we allow, or more often encourage, our wives to go out and get a job when we are in financial crises. This only robs us of a blessing! You must fulfill your role as the head of your home and the savior of your family. Put your faith in God. He will direct you and guide you once you have become committed to leading your wife and children.
Created to carry the burdens. We men were created to carry the burdens for our families—just look at your broad and muscular shoulders compared to your wife’s shoulders. Women have even tried to imitate those shoulders with shoulder pads! In addition to our physical strength, we are really designed to work best under pressure. Maybe you think you can’t handle the pressures, because you’ve always had your wife as your safety net. But your wife was not created to bear up under extreme pressures from outside the areas where she is gifted. God made women with the ability to handle many things at once. They are able to run the home with all its maintenance, while managing children of various ages, personalities, and needs. They plan and prepare meals, clean and continuously tidy up, and keep everyone organized and on schedule. It seems as though women can do it all. But you must remember that your wife is the “weaker vessel.” You’ve got to learn to protect her from excess pressure and stress. Don’t dump all your problems on her or tell her how worried you are about this or that. Take your burdens to the Lord.
Are one.“For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh” (Eph. 5:31). Also in Ephesians 5:28: “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their ownbodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself . . .” “Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself” (Eph. 5:33). We have heard the term “one flesh” so often without really understanding the meaning. We think only of reaching the “one flesh” as we consummate our marriage. Yet, we are falling short of the complete “oneness” if we don’t also bond with our wives emotionally and spiritually.
Sanctify. Husbands, we play a big role in the sanctification of our wives, as we will see in the following Scriptures. “Husbands,love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should beholy and blameless” (Eph. 5:25). This is a very powerful biblical Truth that few will ever realize. We as husbands can sanctify (purify) our wives as we read and share Scripture with them. Do you read God’s Word daily to your wife? How does the church keep the body cleansed from the sin that creeps into the church? It stays cleansed by the reading of God’s Word. With wives, it’s the same way. Men, how are you doing?
Love.“Husbands,loveyour wives, just as Christ also loved . . .” (Eph. 5:25). “So husbands ought also to love their own wives . . .” (Eph. 5:28). “Husbands,loveyour wives, and do not be embittered against them” (Col. 3:19). Since the feminist movement permeated the church with lies, there has been a “blending” of the roles and commandments given to men and women. We continue to hear others say that God commanded men and women to love their spouses. This “command” was only given to the husband. Actually, the only reference for a woman to love her husband is given in Titus. The older women are encouraged to teach the younger women to love their husbands and their children.
Deuteronomy 4:2 says, “You shall not add to the Word which I am commanding you . . .” Does that mean a wife isn’t to love her husband? Emphatically no! “. . . And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us . . .” (Eph. 5:2). The wife’s primary role is that of respecting and submitting to her husband—then love, genuine love, will follow. First John 4:19 says, “We love, because He first loved us.” Our wives will love us when we first show our love for them.
A husband who shows true love for his wife, the way the Bible commands, will be protected from separation or divorce. Romans 8:35 says, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?”
Your love for your wife will motivate her to do what you ask of her. “For the love of Christ controls us . . .” (2 Cor. 5:14).
Saying you love her is not enough; our actions must follow. “. . . And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us . . .” (Eph. 5:2).
Are subject.“But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:24). “Wives, be subject to your husbands,as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18). “Wives, be subject to your own husbands,as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). Women are also to be “. . . pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be dishonored” (Titus 2:5). We may delegate certain tasks, but our role is to be the head, and our wives are to be subject to us. We are not to allow our wives to be under another man’s authority (i.e., a boss, a Sunday school teacher, or even a pastor). (Please see Chapter 13, “Provide for His Own,” for more knowledge.) We are to be the final and ultimate authority here on earth for our wives and our children.
Gave Himself.“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her . . .” (Eph. 5:25). Feminism has just about destroyed the “knight in shining armor” scenario. Yet, here in Scripture, we see that we are to be that gallant man who is willing to give all of himself for his wife and his family. Are you being “robbed of blessings” because your wife is the one who always “saves the day”? Men, get busy ruling your household. Be around more, not as a guest but as a working, ruling figure. Pay attention to what is happening around your house, so you can step in and make rulings during those “mini-crises” that go on constantly. This will allow your wife to be gentle, quiet, and feminine. She will then discover, or rediscover, you and begin to appreciate your strength and leadership. But you must do this humbly or she will resent you for taking over. Do it with a caring attitude. Let her know that you realize that you have left her with the entire burden for much too long.
Supply and provide.“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8). If you are allowing (or encouraging) your wife to work outside your home, then Satan is using you to further his agenda to divide your home and steal blessings. Stop playing on his team. Renew your mind and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. This area is covered more in depth in Chapter 13, “Provide for His Own.” Please understand that one of the foremost reasons why many women are so unhappy and frustrated is that they are trying to fill a role that they were not designed for—that of a provider. If both husband and wife are working, who is in the home? Men, the home that you and your wife work and slave for is sitting empty! Your “little blessings” are being cared for and taught by a poor imitation of your wife. Is it any wonder why you feel frustrated and your wife feels unfulfilled?
Feeds us. As men, we know that we are supposed to “bring home the bacon,” but there is also spiritual food that our children and wives are literally starving for! “. . . For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church . . .” (Eph. 5:29). This “feeding” must be from God’s Word. Most of us feel inadequate in this area. Many don’t know where to begin. Pray to the Lord for strength and guidance daily! Satan will surely attack you in this area because he knows how powerfully important it is to your family’s spiritual growth. He will make you feel worthless, incapable, and downright stupid. He will try to use strife between you and your wife or children to stop your times of reading God’s Word together. Are you man enough to fight back? Concentrate on winning one battle at a time, and you’ll gain the momentum needed to become victorious in this area of your family’s spiritual life. Don’t just send them off to Bible studies, seminars, Sunday school, and vacation Bible school. To be an effective leader in your home, you must resist the temptation to give your authority over to others. If you feel you don’t have enough time, pray that God will show you where you can cut back and make the time. Do it now—just a short prayer—then obey.
One wife. “An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach . . .” (1 Tim. 3:2). “. . . If any man be above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion” (Titus 1:6). In this day of multiple marriages, let’s remember that we as married Christians are to represent a picture of Christ and His church. Separation or divorce hurts our testimony to a lost and dying world. We need to show the lost world, through our example, that we are to be the husbands of one wife. Jesus said that two shall become one, not three or four become one. “Consequently, they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:6). Brothers, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Prov. 5:18).
Wife of Your Youth!
Personal commitment: To become the spiritual leader of my family. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to be the spiritual leader to my family, especially my wife. I commit to getting into the Word daily and washing my wife with the Word so that she will be without spot or blemish.”
“Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect, but I press on, in order that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:12).