Please tell our readers, how your marriage crisis began:
Vertel asseblief vir ons lesers, hoe jou huweliks krisis begin het:

With fear... I was losing my business, which meant our income and this allowed stress that crept into our relationship. My wife also had unresolved childhood issues of rejection and pain (that I could not resolve). In addition we had no goals and we lost our friendship because of constant criticism. We became caustic towards each other and then my wife sought attention in other relationships (girlfriends, mother, facebook...but no adultery). She finally demanded a separation of our assets and our marriage and moved to another province of Canada.

Met vrees… ek was besig om my besigheid te verloor, wat beteken het ons inkomste en dit het toegelaat dat stres in ons verhouding ingekruip het. My vrou het ook onopgeloste kwessies van verwerping en pyn gehad (wat ek nie kon oplos nie). Ter aanvulling het ons geen doelwitte gehad nie en ons het ons vriendskap as gevolg van aanhoudende kritiek verloor. Ons het bytend teenoor mekaar geraak en my vrou het aandag in ander verhoudings gesoek (vriendinne, moeder, facebook… maar geen owerspel nie). Sy het finaal ‘n skeiding van ons bates en ons huwelik geeis en het na ‘n ander provinsie in Kanada getrek.

How did God change you & your situation as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
Hoe het God jou & jou situasie verander soos wat jy Hom heelhartig nagestreef het?

I realized I could not stand in her way and that God was all I had left (no children, along a new mortgage that I would never be able to pay off). But God answered my prayers of ridding me of my double mindedness and fear, and I began to learn to be content with Him and not be ruled by my emotions, circumstances or by others.

Ek het besef ek kon nie in haar pad staan nie en dat God al was wat ek oor gehad het (geen kinders, saam met ‘n nuwe huisverband wat ek nooit in staat sou wees om af te betaal nie). Maar God het my gebede van my dubbelhartigheid en vrees beantwoord, en ek het geleer om in Hom te behaag en nie deur my emosies, omstandighede of deur ander beheer te word nie.

I learned to seek Him in this day (not tomorrow) and to live each day to the fullest as He guided me and my tasks. I learned to praise Him with (in my tears) with my words, actions.... with my sacrifise of praise.

Ek het geleer om Hom in hierdie dag (nie môre) te soek en om elke dag ten volle te lewe soos wat Hy my en my take gelei het. Ek het geleer om Hom te loof (in my trane) met my woorde, aksies…met my opoffering van lof.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial?
Watter beginsels, uit God se Woord (of deur ons hulpbronne), het die Here jou gedurende hierdie beproewing geleer?

I learned that His ways and thoughts are not mine. That I could not see into the future, nevertheless I learned I needed to still TRUST in Him because He loved me—with all my faults—and that He would rebuild me from the ash heap of my life.

Ek het geleer dat Sy wee en gedagtes nie myne is nie. Dat ek nie in die toekoms kon sien nie, nietemin ek het geleer dat ek nog steeds nodig gehad het om op Hom te VERTROU omdat Hy lief was vir my—met al my foute—en dat Hy my sou herbou uit die ashoop van my lewe.

I learned that I would rise from this trial in my life stronger, even better for His purposes and that in return He would get the glory and I would one day have tears of joy with humbleness.

Ek het geleer dat ek sou sterker opstyg uit hierdie beproewing in my lewe, selfs beter vir Sy doeleindes en dat in ruil daaroor Hy die glorie sou kry en ek sou eendag trane van vreugde met nederigheid hê.

I learned that He allowed this to happen for greater joy to come. That I was in His crucible being purified by the His fires.

Ek het geleer dat Hy toegelaat het vir dit om te gebeur vir groter vreugde om te kom. Dat ek in Sy smeltkroes besig was om gereinig te word deur Sy vure.

I also learned that this was a SPIRITUAL battle and not of flesh & blood, with ruptured emotions, bitterness, indignities, retribution, lawyers, money, cars, and houses. That we are slaves to the one we obey...either satan or HIM. We are all slaves to sin (& satan) and are duped in blindness. Yet it is His Word that was and is the ONLY solution to our pain and provides the ONLY hope for our desperate need of joy. And finally, that we CANNOT do it the world's way IF we want tears of joy!

Ek het ook geleer dat dit ‘n GEESTELIKE stryd was en nie van vlees & bloed nie, met gebarste emosies, bitterheid, vernedering, vergelding, prokureurs, geld, motors, en huise. Dat ons slawe is teenoor die een wie ons gehoorsaam…of satan of HOM. Ons is almal slawe van die sonde (& satan) en is mislei in blindheid. Tog dit is Sy Woord was was en is die ENIGSTE oplossing vir ons pyn en voorsien die ENIGSTE hoop vir ons desperate behoefte vir vreugde. En finaal, dat ons dit NIE op die wêreld se manier kan doen nie AS ons trane van vreugde wil hê. 

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through?
Wat was die mees moeilikste tye wat God jou deur gehelp het?

Living alone in an empty house, cooking for myself and then going to sleep in a cold bed. Waking up in the middle of the dark night alone crying out to Him to spare me for my sins. I begged Him to take this load off me.

Deur alleen te bly in ‘n leë huis, vir myself te kook en dan in ‘n koue bed te gaan slaap. Om wakker te word in die middel van die nag alleen en uit te roep na Hom toe om my van my sonde te spaar. Ek het Hom gesmeek om hierdie lading van my af te neem.

Letting Him know that I so missed my soulmate who was now gone.

Om Hom te laat weet dat ek my sielsgenoot wie nou weg was so gemis het.

Then I slowly started to realize to a very small degree the pain, loneliness that Christ felt...that I had helped nail Him to the cross. That God was ultimately in charge of me.

Toe het ek stadig begin besef in ‘n baie klein graad van die pyn, eensaamheid wat Christus gevoel het…dat ek gehelp het om Hom aan die kruis vas te spyker. Dat God uitermatig in beheer van my was.

Did you suspect you were close to restoration? Were there any signs?
Het jy vermoed dat jy na aan herstel was? Was daar enige tekens?

No, not in what I saw or believed. My wife had wanted to maintain contact and I rejected this plan (thinking she wanted to use me as a crutch to rebuild her new future without me), so I rejected all of her phone calls, texts, emails etc.

Nee, nie in wat ek gesien of geglo het nie. My vrou wou kontak behou en ek het hierdie plan verwerp (gedink sy wou my as ‘n kruk gebruik om haar nuwe toekoms sonder my te bou), so ek het al haar telefoonoproepe, boodskappe, eposse ens. verwerp. 

What was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Wat was die “keerpunt” van jou herstel?

My wife texted me that she wanted to talk to me, that she had found the answer. I refused to acknowledge her texting & phone calls (not wanting to open myself to more pain and rejection), but then I got a call from my best friend who’s wife said my wife was flying in the next day to come to my house.

My vrou het vir my ‘n boodskap gestuur en gesê dat sy met my wou praat, dat sy die antwoord gevind het. Ek het geweier om haar boodskappe en telefoonoproepe te erken (ek wou nie myself blootstel aan meer pyn en verwerping nie), maar toe kry ek ‘n oproep van my beste vriend af wie se vrou gesê het my vrou sou die volgende dag in vlieg om na my huis toe te kom.

Tell us HOW it happened? Did your wife contact you by phone or just show up at your home?
Vertel ons HOE dit gebeur het? Het jou vrou jou per telefoon gekontak of net by jou huis opgedaag?

I actually texted her to not come, and that she would be disappointed. She responded that it was I who stated that if she wished to speak to me, to not text, call or email but to knock on my door and that’s just what she was doing! So I agreed to meet her at a restaurant the next day.

Ek het eintlik vir haar ‘n boodskap gestuur om nie te kom nie, en dat sy teleurgesteld sou wees. Sy het geantwoord dat dit ek was wat verklaar het dat as sy met my wou praat, om nie ‘n boodskap te stuur nie, te skakel nie maar om aan my deur te klop en dit is net wat sy besig was om te doen! So ek het ingestem om haar die volgende dag by ‘n restaurant te ontmoet.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you?
Sou jy enige van ons hulpbronne in besonder aanbeveel wat jou gehelp het?

The Restore Your Marriage Manual, A Wise Man and Testimonials Book.

Die Herstel Jou Huwelik Handleiding, ‘n Wyse Man en Getuienis Boek.

Note: You can purchase all 3 of these discounted in our Recommended Packet.

Nota: Jy kan al 3 van hierdie op afslag in ons Aanbevolle Pakket aankoop. 

These resources ARE HIS WORD, which cut through ALL the confusion and gave me HIS HOPE for JOY that would come!!

Hierdie hulpbronne IS SY WOORD, wat deur AL die verwarring sal sny en vir my SY HOOP vir VREUGDE wat sal kom gegee het!!

What kind of encouragement would you like to leave other men with in conclusion to what you've already shared?
Watter soort aanmoediging sou jy van hou om vir ander mans te los in afsluiting tot met wat jy reeds gedeel het?

Men, please understand that He answered MY life long prayers of double mindedness and fear through this dark valley of separation with my wife and soulmate. No, not in the way I wanted to happen because this was His plan. And it was important because He wanted me in His crucible—to allow Him to burn off all the dark secrets and filth in my life. And even while still drenched in my tears, I could still sow seeds of faith knowing that one day I would reap sheaves of joy and have an answer as to why He allowed this all to happen.

Mans, verstaan asseblief dat Hy MY lewenslange lang gebede van dubbelhartigheid en vrees beantwoord het deur hierdie donker vallei van skeiding met my vrou en sielsgenoot. Nee, nie op die manier wat ek wou gehad dit moes gebeur nie want dit was Sy plan. En dit was belangrik omdat Hy my in Sy smeltkroes wou gehad het—om Hom toe te laat om al die donker geheime en vuilheid in my lewe af te brand. En selfs nog steeds geweek in my trane, kon ek nog steeds saad van geloof saai wetend dat eendag ek gerwe van vreugde sal oes en die antwoord sou hê oor waarom Hy dit alles toegelaat het om te gebeur.

Also that what satan meant to harm me, He turned it into greater joy because His ways and His thoughts are so far above mine, so what I could not imagine, what He had already done ... for me, a wretched sinner—was not impossible for Him.

Ook wat satan bedoel het om my skade te berokken, het Hy in groter vreugde gedraai omdat Sy wee en Sy gedagtes is so ver bo myne, so wat ek myself nie kon indink nie, wat Hy alreeds gedoen het…vir my, ‘n vervloekte sondaar—was nie onmoontlik vir Hom nie.

And that He so loves me, my wife, our families, the stranger, the sinner, the lost, the lonely, that He will NOT leave us!

En dat Hy so lief is vir my, my vrou, ons families, die vreemdeling, die sondaar, die verlore, die eensame, dat Hy ons NIE sal los nie!

And finally, that through Him completing what He started, my wife returned a Proverbs 31 woman, with a hunger for the Lord, for His word and for His ways!! My wife is not the woman I married—she is much more than I could have ever imagined. And humbly, due to Him, I am also a very changed man.

En finaal, deur Hom wat voltooi het wat Hy begin het, het my vrou ‘n Spreuke 31 vrou teruggekeer, met ‘n honger vir die Here, vir Sy woord en vir Sy wee!! My vrou is nie die vrou met wie ek getroud is nie—sy is baie meer as wat ek myself kon indink. En nederig, as gevolg van Hom, is ek ook ‘n baie veranderde man.

Most amazingly, that even when I gave up, He did not give and will not ever give up on us because He is no respecter of persons, which means He will go to the ends of the earth to rescue you, your wife, your children.

Mees, ongelooflik, dat toe ek opgegee het, het Hy nie en sal nooit opgee op ons nie omdat Hy nie onderskeid maak nie, wat beteken dat Hy tot die einde van die aarde sal gaan om jou, jou vrou, en jou kinders te red.

Amos in Ontario, Kanada