“When my wife and I met, I was living in rebellion. I was very young, we both were, and when I told my parents our plans to marry, they did all they could to change my mind. But instead, we eloped and my parents cut us off financially. A month after our marriage my wife was pregnant.

“Toe my vrou en ek ontmoet het, het ek in rebellie gelewe. Ek was baie jonk, ons was albei, en toe ek vir my ouers van my planne vertel om te trou, het hulle alles gedoen om my van plan te maak verander. Maar in plaas daarvan, het ons weggeloop en my ouers het ons finansieël afgesny. ‘n Maand nadat ons getroud was was my vrou swanger.

The new baby, along with our financial stress and our estrangement from family, caused a lot of arguments.

Die nuwe baba, gepaard met finannsiële stres en ons vervreming van familie, het baie argumente veroorsaak.

I was not walking with the Lord, though I knew Him, and my wife was an unbeliever. The fights escalated to abuse. We physically fought and there was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse as well. Even though my wife was very attractive, because of our arguing, she was no longer attractive to me. This affected our intimacy and took a major toll on our marriage. When I mentioned divorce I was surprised that my wife was all for it. When we made plans for her to move out, things actually improved a little—maybe because relief was in sight or maybe because we were finally agreeing on something.

Ek het nie saam die Here geloop nie, alhoewel ek Hom geken het, en my vrou was ‘n ongelowige. Die bakleiery het geëskaleer tot mishandeling. Ons het fisies baklei en daar was baie emosionele en verbale mishandeling ook. Alhoewel my vrou baie aantreklik was , omdat ons argumenteer het, was sy nie meer vir my aantreklik nie. Dit het ons intimiteit affekteer en het ‘n groot tol op ons huwelik geplaas. Toe ek egskeiding noem was ek verras dat my vrou ingestem het. Toe ons planne gemaak het vir haar om uit te trek, het dinge ‘n bietjie verbeter—miskien omdat verligting in sig was of miskien omdat ons uiteindelik oor iets saamgestem het.

Just after she moved out and we divorced, I knew that I had made a mistake. I went to a Promise Keepers meeting and was deeply convicted. I knew I needed to be the spiritual leader of our home and I had failed miserably. When I spoke to my wife about my desire to be a spiritual leader and to get back together, she was totally opposed. I was shocked. I had not expected her to respond that way. The months of rejection that followed were very painful for me. But through this I knew that I had a call on my life and that I had been running from God for years.

Net na sy uitgeloop het en ons geskei was, het ek geweet dat ek ‘n fout begaan het. Ek het na ‘n Belofte Houers vergadering gegaan en het diep schuldgevoelens gehad. Ek het geweet dat ek die geestelike leier van ons huis behoort te gewees het en het miserabel misluk. Toe ek met my vrou gepraat het oor my begeerte om die geestelike leier van ons huis te wees, en weer bymekaar te kom, was sy heltemal daarteen gekant. Ek was geskok. Ek het nie verwag dat sy so sou reageer nie. Die maande van verwerping wat gevolg het was baie pynlik vir my. Maar deur dit het ek geweet daar ‘n roeping op my lewe was en dat ek vir jare van God af weggehardloop het.  

During this time I found a song that really ministered to me. It spoke of being a spiritual leader. One day I asked my wife if she would ‘just listen to it.’ She did, and it began to soften her heart toward me. We decided to move back in together. My parents were very opposed, so once again, they cut us off financially. I knew we should be married, but my wife did not see the need.

Gedurende hierdie tyd het ek ‘n liedjie gevind wat regtig aan my geminister het. Dit het gepraat van om ‘n spirituele leier te wees. Een dag het ek my vrou gevra of sy “net daarna sou luister.” Sy het, en dit het haar hart teenoor my begin sag maak. Ons het besluit om saam in te trek. My ouers was baie daarteen gekant, so weereens, het hulle ons finansieël afgesny. Ek het geweet dat ons getroud behoort te wees, maar my vrou het nie gedink dit is nodig nie.

During this time my wife became pregnant with our second child. This solidified my commitment to my wife and my family. I just could not imagine another man raising my children! It had to be me! A tragedy happened that really broke me and got me to the point of complete surrender to the Lord. A young man who I had known in high school had recently and radically become a Christian. Because of his talent in sports, he was well known. On the way to speak at an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) meeting, his plane crashed and he was killed. Somehow this tragedy brought everything into its proper prospective. Just two weeks later my wife and I were married again. We had a church wedding and invited family and friends this time.

Gedurende hierdie tyd het my vrou swanger geword met ons tweede kind. Dit het my toewyding aan my vrou en familie verdig. Ek kon my net nie voorstel hoe ‘n ander man my kinders grootmaak nie! Dit moes ek wees! ‘n Tragedie het gebeur wat my regtig gebreek het en my op die punt van algehele oorgawe aan die Here gebring het. ‘n Jong man wat ek op hoërskool geken het en onlangs radikaal ‘n Christen geword het. As gevolg van sy talent in sports was hy welbekend. Oppad om by ‘n  FCA (Fellowship van Christelike Atlete) vergadering te praat, het sy vliegtuig verongeluk en hy is dood. Op een of ander manier het hierdie tragedie alles in perspektief geplaas. Net twee weke later was ek en my vrou weer getroud. Ons het ‘n kerk troue gehad en het hierdie keer familie en vriende genooi.  

My wife is now a Christian who loves the Lord. She is beautiful on the inside and the outside. I am presently studying to go into the ministry. My opinion about and against divorce is really radical after living through all this. I am adamant against all divorce for any reason and believe people should remain unmarried with the hope of restoration. I believe that I will be able to effectively minister to those facing divorce, separation and rejection since I have been there. I honestly believe that this was all caused by spiritual problems that manifested in marriage problems. Once we get ourselves right spiritually our marriages will also be right.

My vrou is nou ‘n Christen wat lief is vir die Here. Sy is pragtig binne en buite. Ek studeer huidig om in die bediening in te gaan. My opinie oor en teen egskeiding is regtig radikaal nadat ek daardeur geleef het. Ek is vasberade teen egskeiding vir enige rede en glo dat mense ongetroud behoort te bly met die hoop van herstel. Ek glo dat ek in staat sal wees om effektief te minister aan die wat egskeiding, verwydering en verwerping in die gesig staar. Ek glo eerlik dat dit alles veroorsaak was deur geestelike probleme wat in huweliks probleme manifesteer het. Sodra ons onsself geestelik reg kry sal ons huwelike ook reg wees.