When you are going through a marriage crisis it is so easy to focus on what your wife is doing to you. However, as long as you do this you will struggle and never come to victory. You will learn in an upcoming chapter, “Weapons of our Warfare,” that your wife is not the enemy.

Wanneer jy deur ‘n huweliks krisis gaan is dit so maklik om te fokus op wat jou vrou besig is om aan jou te doen. Hoewel, solank as wat jy dit doen, sal jy dit moeilik vind en ooit tot oorwinning te kom nie. Jy sal leer in ‘n opkomende hoofstuk, “Wapens van ons Oorlogstryd,” dat jou vrou nie die vyand is nie,

Let us learn, in this chapter, that God many times is not changing our wives because God is using the things our wives are doing as the potter’s wheel and His hands to mold us more into His image. However, if we complain because we would rather He use something or someone else, not our wives, not finances, and not our marriages as His wheel, we will wander in the desert land for years!

Laat ons in hierdie hoofstuk leer, dat God baie keer, nie besig is om ons vrouens te verander nie omdat God die dinge wat ons vrouens besig is om te doen as die pottebakker se wiel en Sy hande om ons meer in Sy beeld te vorm gebruik. Hoewel, as ons kla omdat ons eerder wil hê God moet iets of iemand anders gebruik, nie ons vrouens nie, nie finansies, en nie ons huwelike as Sy wiel nie, dan sal ons vir jare in die woestyn ronddwaal! 

Quarrel with his Maker? “ ‘Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker’ – An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands’?” Isa. 45:9. Let God be God. Instead of complaining about “how” or “whom” He uses to irritate us into finally seeking Him to change us – praise Him for His faithfulness! He is determined to bring you forth as a handsome vessel ready for His use.

Verwyt jy Hom wat jou gevorm het? ‘“ Ellende wag vir hom wat die Een verwyt wat hom gevorm het, ‘n potskerf tussen potskerwe van klei. Durf die klei vir die Een wat dit vorm sê: Wat maak jy?’ Durf wat jy gemaak het van God sê: ‘Hy kan nie sy hande gebruik nie~”’ Jes. 45:9. Laat God, God wees. Instede daarvan dat ons murmurer oor “hoe” en “wie” Hy gebruik om ons te irriteer sodat ons Hom finaal sal uitsoek om ons te verander - loof Hom vir Sy getrouheid! Hy is vasberade om van jou ‘n uitverlore vat te maak reg vir Sy eie gebruik.

But you don’t understand. Many men tell us, as we try to encourage them, that we “just don’t understand!” In many ways we do understand, yet they are right that no one except Jesus really understands. “Shall the potter be considered as equal with the clay, that what is made should say to its maker, ‘He has no understanding’?” Isa. 29:16. Talk to Him about your situation and allow Him to give you peace. He knows what’s best for you, so work with Him.

Maar jy verstaan nie. Baie  mans vertel ons, soos wat ons probeer om hulle te bemoedig, daat ons “net nie verstaan nie” Op baie maniere verstaan ons wel, tog hulle aanvaar dat niemand anders maar Jesus regtig verstaan nie. ‘Julle is agterstevoor met alles, asof die pottebakkerr die klei is. Die maaksel kan mos nie van sy Maker sê’ Hy weet nie wat Hy doen nie. ‘“ Jesaja  29:16 . Praat met Hom oor jou situasie en laat Hom toe om jou  gemoedsrus te gee. Hy weet wat die beste is vir jou so werk saam Hom.  

You are in His hand. “Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand.” Jer. 18:6. Isn’t it comforting to know that you are in God’s Hand? Though your wife may tell you that she doesn’t care for you anymore, or treat you as if she doesn’t, your Lord does. Who else do you need? The truth is that your wife does care. She is hurt and deceived, but she does care for you down beneath those hurts.

Jy is in Sy hand. ‘“ Soos klei in die pottebakker se hand, so is julle in My hand’” Jer. 18:6. Gee dit jou nie gemoedsrus om te weet dat jy in God se Hande is nie? Al sê jou vrou dat sy nie meer vir jou omgee nie, of jou behandel asof sy nie omgee nie, die Here gee om. Wie anders het jy nodig? Die waarheid is dat hou vrou wel omgee. Sy is seergemaak en bedrieg, maar sy gee om oor jou onder al die seer.

God’s Prescription
God se Voorskrif

God has a prescription for healing a nation or a family. He says “If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” 2Chr. 7:14.

God het ‘n voorskrif vir die genesing van ‘n nasie of ‘n gesin. Hy sê as ”My volk oor wie My Naam uitgeroep is, toorn berou en bid en vra na my wil en draai terug van hulle bose weë af, sal Ek luister uit die hemel en hulle sonde vergewe en hulle land laat herstel.” 2 Kron. 7:14.

God told us that if we humble ourselves, pray, seek His face (not His hand) AND turn from our wicked ways, THEN HE WILL hear, forgive and heal us. Instead, we “walk in the counsel of the wicked” (Ps. 1:1) and “trust in mankind” (Jer. 17:5), so now we suffer the consequences – superficial healing! “The brokenness of His people is healed superficially.” Jer. 8:11. “And they have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ but there is no peace.” Jer. 6:14.

God het gesê as ons toorn berou, bid, en vra na Sy wil (nie Sy Hand) EN terugdraai van ons bose weë af, DAN SAL HY luister, vergewe en ons herstel. Instede, volg ons “die raad van die goddeloses” (Ps. 1:1) en “stel ons, ons vertroue in mense” (Jer. 17:5), nou dra ons die gevolge - goedkoop raad vir wonde”  “Hulle het goedkoop raad vir die wonde van my volk” Jer. 8:11. Hulle het ‘n goedkoop raad vir die wonde van my volk. Hulle sê net alles is reg! Alles is reg! Maar niks is reg nie.” Jer. 6:14.

Instead we are to die to self. “…and He died for all that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.” 2Cor. 5:15.

Nie meer vir hulself moet lewe nie. “...en Hy het vir almal gestrewe sodat dié wat lewe, nie meer vir hulself moet lewe nie, maar vir Hom wat vir hulle gesterf het en uit die dood opgewek is.” 2Kor. 5:15.

Only the Humble
Net die Nederige

Humble yourself. Self-willed, haughty people understand the Word without the Spirit, but to know the mind of God we need humility!

Wees nederig. Eiewys, hoogmoedige mense verstaan God se Woord, sonder om Sy Gees te ken, maar om God intiem te ken moet ons nederig wees!

Humility will be tested. “…He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” Deut. 8:2.

Nederigheid sal beproef word.”...Hy het dit gedoen om jou nederig te laat word en op jou op die proef te stel sodat Hy kan weet wat jy dink en of jy sy gebooie sal gehoorsaam of nie.” Deut. 8:2.

Humility will save you. “When you are cast down, you will speak with confidence and the humble person He will save.” Job 22:29.

Nederigheid sal jou red. Wanneer mense val en jy vra dat hulle opgetel word, sal God hulle, die ootmoediges, red.” Job 22:29

Humility will strengthen your heart. “O Lord, Thou hast heard the desire of the humble; Thou wilt strengthen their heart, Thou wilt incline Thine ear.” Ps. 10:17.

Nederigheid gee nuwe moed. “U het die gesmeek van die hulpeloses gehoor Here. U gee hulle nuwe moed. U verhoor hulle gebed…” Ps. 10:17.

Only the humble will be exalted. “He has brought down rulers from their thrones, and has exalted those who were humble.” Luke 1:52.

Nederige mense sal Hy oorlaai met goeie gawes... maghebbers het Hy van trone afgeruk en geringes verhoor.” Lukas 1:52

Only the humble will be given the grace that they need. “But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, ‘GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.’ Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” Jas. 4:6, 10.

Net die nederiges sal die genade gegee word wat hulle nodig het. “Maar die genade wat Hy gee, is nog groter. Daarom sê Hy: GOD WEERSTAAN HOOGMOEDIGES, MAAR AAN DIE NEDERIGES GEE HY GENADE,’ Onderwerp julle in nederighied voor die Here, en Hy sal julle verhoog.” Jak. 4:6, 10

Humility is rooted in the spirit. “To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit.” 1Pet. 3:8. Your false humility will be manifested in a self-righteous attitude. It will surface in anger and bitterness toward your wife and others.

Nederigheid kom om deur God se Gees te ken. “Ten slotte: Wees almal eensgesind, medelydend, liefdevol, goedhartig, nederig…’ 1Pet. 3:8. Jou valse nederigheid sal in ‘n eiegeregtige houding betoog. Dit sal in woede en bitterheid teenoor jou vrou en ander opvlam.

Spiritual arrogance. Over half of those who come to our ministry for help to restore their marriages exhibit spiritual arrogance or self-righteousness. This is what we refer to as a Pharisee spirit. Men, this is so dangerous. It WILL prevent God from moving your marriage toward restoration and it is what is really driving your wife away.

Geestelike Opgeblasenheid. Meer as die helfte van die mense wat na ons bediening toe draai om hulp, vertoon ‘n geestelike opgeblasenheid of eiegeregtigheid. Dit is waarna ek verwys as ‘n Farisieër gees. Mans, dit is so gevaarlik. Dit SAL voorkom dat God jou huwelik herstel, en dit is wat regtig jou vrou wegdryf.

God showed us, in His Word, that Jesus was only harsh, critical, and opposed to one set of individuals – the Pharisees! There are so many Christians who pretend to be spiritual on the outside but are filthy on the inside. There are so many Christians who look at their wives’ sins yet neglect to look at the logs in their own eyes. Is this you? Do you look at what your wife has done or is doing and neglect to see your anger, bitterness, harshness and arrogance?

God het aan my in Sy Woord gewys dat Jesus net stroef, krities en gekant was teen een stel individuë - die Farieseërs! Daar is so baie Christene wie voorgee asof hulle geestelik is aan die buitekant maar aan die binnekant is hulle vuil. Daar is so baie Christene wat hulle vrouens se sonde raaksien maar versuim om na die balke in hulle eie oë ty kyk. Is dit jy? Kyk jy na wat jou vrou gedoen het of besig is om te doen en versuim om jou eie woede, bitterheid, ruheid en arrogansie te sien?

Others may look at you now as the “poor victim” who has been walked out on and cheated on. Do they see you as the one desperately trying to hold your marriage together? Are you seen as the one waiting, with open arms, to forgive your wife, “the sinner,” “the harlot,” when she comes to her senses by repenting and coming back home from the far country! Scribe, Pharisee, “white-washed tomb”!!

Ander mag na jou kyk as die “arme slagoffer” wie deur sy vrou verlaat en bedrieg was. Sien hulle jou as die een wie desperaat probeer om jou huwelik bymekaar te hou? Word jy gesien as die wat wag, met oop arms, om jou vrou te vergewe, “die sondaar, “die hoer,” wanneer sy tot by haar sinne kom vergiffenis vra en terugkeer vanaf die verre lande! Skrifgeleerde, Farisieër, ” witgeverfde grafte”!!

If you can identify with this sinful and prideful mindset, if this is you, I would beg you to get on your face before God and ask Him to cleanse you of this attitude that will not only inhibit restoration, but will also put you in opposition to a sincere and intimate relationship with God.

Indien jy met hierdie sondigheid en hoogmoedige gesindheid kan identifiseer, as dit jy is, wil ek jou smeek om op die grond neer te val voor God en Hom jou te vra om jou te genees van hierdie gesindheid wat nie net jou herstel sal verhinder, maar jou ook in opposisie plaas om ‘n opregte en intieme verhouding met God te hê.

Pray! Begin by praying Psalm 51:2-4. “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against Thee, Thee only, I have sinned, and done what is evil in Thy sight, so that Thou art justified when Thou dost speak, and blameless when Thou dost judge.” There is much more on praying in the last two chapters of this book.

Bid! Begin deur Psalm 51:2-4 te bid: “Was my skoon van my skuld, reinig my van my sonde! Ja, my  oortredinge ken ek en van my sonde bly ek altyd bewus. Teen U alleen het ek gesondig, en het gedoen wat verkeerd is in U oë. U uitspraak is dus reg en u oordeel regverdig.” Daar is baie meer oor gebde in die laaste twee hoofstukke van hierdie boek.

Seek My face. “If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray, and seek My face…” 2Chr. 7:13. “Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face continually.” 1Chr. 16:11. “…seek My face; in their affliction they will earnestly seek Me.” Hosea 5:15.

Vra na My Wil. As...My volk oor wie My Naam uitgeroep is, toon berou en bid en vra na My Wil “ 2 Kron. 7:13. “Soek hulp en beskerming by die Here, soek gedurig Sy teenwoordigheid.” 1 Kron. 16:11”...vra na My Wil; In hulle nood sal hulle My hulp kom vra.” Hosea 5:15

They were radiant. “They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” Ps. 34:5. Seek His face! So many seek His hand (what He can do for “me”). But those who seek the face of God will inherit all things!

Hulle het gestraal van blydskap. “Dié wat swaar kry, sien op na Hom en straal van blydskap, hulle word nie teleurgstel in hulle verwagtinge nie.” Ps. 34:5. Vra na Sy Wil! So baie mense begeer God se hand (wat Hy vir “my” kan doen). Maar die mense wat na God se aangesig soek sal tot alle dinge in staat wees!

Turn from your wicked ways. “If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways…” 2Chr. 7:13. Scriptures are not only for the head; they are for the heart and the will. To get the real impact of Scripture, we must surrender our lives and our wills to the leading of the Spirit. We must be willing to be made over. We must yield to Him.

Draai terug van jou bose weë af. “As ...My volk oor wie My Naam uitgeroep is, toon berou en bid en vra na my wil en draai terug van hulle bose weë af, ...” 2Kron 7:13. Jy kan nie die Bybel net uit jou kop ken nie, jy moet die Bybel uitleef, en dit in die dieptes van jou hart bêre. Om die volle impak van die Bybel te ervaar, moet ons, ons lewens oorgee aan die Heilige Gees. Ons moet bereid wees om gevorm te word deur God. Ons moet deur die Heilige Gees gelei word.

To obey is better than sacrifice. “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and insubordination is as iniquity and idolatry.” 1Sam. 15:22. Do you know the right thing to do, yet you do not do it? Obey Him! “Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him it is sin.” Jas. 4:17.

Gehoorsaamheid is beter as offerande. Nee, gehoorsaamheid is beter as offernade, om te luister is beter as die vet van ramme. Weerspannigheid is net so erg as die sonde van waarsêery; eiesinnigheid is net so erg as die bedrog van afgodery.” 1 Sam. 15:22. Weet jy wat die regte ding is om te doen; maar nogsteeeds doen jy dit nie? Wees gehoorsaam as iemand weet wat die regte ding is om te doen, en hy doen dit nie, is dit sonde.” Jak. 4:17.

Walk in the Spirit
Ek sal my Gees in jou gee

Walk in the Spirit. Being filled with the Holy Spirit will enable you to walk in the Spirit, not in sin or fleshly desires. Ask God to FILL you with His Holy Spirit right now! “And I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.” Ezek. 36:27. “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.” Gal. 5:16.

Ek sal My Gees in jou gee. As jou lewe deur die Heilige Gees beheer word, sal dit jou help om nie te sondig nie en voorkom dat jy swig voor  begeertes. Vra dat God jou nou dadelik met Sy Heilige Gees VUL.  “Ek sal My Gees in julle gee en ek sal maak dat julle volgens My voorskrifte leef en My bebapings gehoorsaam en nakom.” Eseg. 36:27. “Wat ek bedoel, is dit; Laat jou lewe steeds deur die Gees van God beheer word, dan sal julle nooit swig voor begeertes van julle eie sondige natuur nie.” Gal. 5:16

Pray. “If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray…” 2Chr. 7:13-16.

Bid. As...My volk oor wie My Naam uitgeroep is, toon berou en bid…” 2Kro. 7:13-16.

We can always trust God to bring about everything for our good if “…we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Rom. 8:28.

Ons kan op God staatmaak en God vertrou want…”Ons weet dat God alles ten goede laat meewerk vir dié wat Hom liefhet, die wat Hy lank tevore verkies het…” Rom. 8:28.

What “Condition” Needs to Be Met to Be Heard?
Watter “Voorwaardes” Moet Nagekom Word om Gehoor Te Word?

Conform your desires to His will. Jesus’ promise is based on this condition: “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it shall be done for you.” John 15:7. When your heart rests in Jesus alone and your will is centered in His will, you are truly making Him Lord. And to know His will is to know His Word. It is His will that your marriage be healed. He hates divorce and we are to be reconciled; however, He has conditions.

Pas jou begeertes aan by God se Wil. Jesus se belofte is gebaseer op hierdie voorwaarde: “As julle in My bly en My Woorde in julle, vra dan net wat julle wil hê en julle sal dit kry.” Joh. 15:7. Wanneer jou hart in Jesus rus vind, wanneer jou wil gesentreer is op Sy wil, dan het jy vir God werklik God gemaak van jou lewe. En jy kan weet wat God se Wil is, deur Sy Woord te ken. Dit is God se wens dat jou huwelik genees word. Hy haat egskeiding en wil graag hê dat ons versoen moet wees met mekaar, hoewel Hy voorwaardes het.

The condition for every blessing. Each promise given by God has a condition for that blessing. Many will claim a portion of the Scripture, yet omit or overlook the conditions.

Die voorwaardes vir elke gawe. Elke belofte van God het sekere voorwaaardes wat nagekom moet word. Baie maak aanspraak op ‘n gedeelte van die Bybel, (die belofte) maar weier om na die voorwaarde te luister.

Condition: “Believe on the Lord Jesus…

Promise: and you shall be saved.” Acts 16:31.

Voorwaarde: Glo in die Here Jesus…

Belofte: en jy sal gered word.” Hand 16:31.

 

Condition: “Delight yourself in the Lord…

Promise: and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps. 37:4.

Voorwaarde: “ Vind jou vreugde in die Here…

Belofte: En Hy sal jou gee wat jou hart begeer.” Ps. 37:4.

 

Condition: “Train up a child in the way he should go…

Promise: Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6.

Voorwaarde: “Gee leiding aan ‘n jongmens oor hoe hy moet leef…

Belofte: “ En hy sal ook as hy al oud is nie daarvan afwyk nie.” Spr. 22:6.

 

Condition: First, “to those who love God.” And secondly, “to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Promise: “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good….” Rom. 8:28.

Voorwaarde: Eerstens, “vir dié wat God liefhet…” En tweedens, ...dié wat volgens sy besluit geroep is.”

Belofte: ‘Ons weet dat God alles ten goede laat meewerk…” Rom. 8:28.

 

Personal commitment: to allow God to change me. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to allowing God to change me through whatever means or through whomever He chooses. I will focus my attention on changing myself rather than my wife or others around me.”

Persoonlike verbintenis” om God toe te laat om my te verander. “Gebaseer op wat ek geleer het uit God se Woord, verbind ek my sodat Hy my kan verander deur enige metode of mens van Sy keuse te gebruik. Ek sal daarop fokus om myself te verander pleks van my vrou of ander rondom my.