Have you dealt treacherously with your wife?
Het jy verraderlik teenoor jou vrou opgetree?

Maybe that question is difficult to answer because you’re not exactly sure what the Bible means by living treacherously. If we check the Strong’s Concordance, the word treacherous, “bagad” pronounced (baw-gad), means to act covertly, to pillage, deal deceitfully, offend, transgress, depart, unfaithful.

 Miskien is die vraag moeilik om te antwood omdat jy nie presies seker is wat die Bybel bedoel deur om verraderlik te lewe nie. Die woord, verraderlik, “bagad” (bae-gad), beteken om onderlangs op te tree, om te plunder, tree bedrieglik op, aanstootlik, oortree, vertrek, ontrou.

The definition of treacherous in the Webster’s dictionary is: of the character or actions of a traitor.

Die definisie is: van die karakter of aksies van ‘n verraaier.

Now that you have the definition, you must ask yourself; have you committed any of these offenses against your wife? Let’s take each offense and look at it carefully. This is not intended to condemn you, but rather to bring you to conviction. Until there is conviction and you look at your actions as sin, there can be no repentance. And without repentance, there is no mercy. Without mercy, there is no grace. And, brother, we all need as much grace as we can get! We can deny our sins all we want, but that will never bring about the change that is needed. You need to be the kind of husband your wife needs (and deserves)! If you’re ready, then let’s go.

Noudat jy die definisie het, moet jy jouself vra; het jy enige van hierdie oortredings teen jou vrou gepleeg? Kom ons neem elke oortreding en kyk versigtig daarna. Dit is nie bEdoel om jou te veroordeel nie, maar om jou eerder tot oortuiging te bring. Totdat daar oortuiging is en jy na jou aksies as sonde kyk, kan daar geen berou wees nie. En sonder berou, is daar geen genade nie. Sonder genade, is daar geen grasie nie. En, broer, ons het almal soveel grasie nodig as wat ons kan kry! Ons kan ons sondes ontken soveel as wat ons wil, maar dit sal nooit die verandering wat nodig is teweeg bring nie. Jy moet die soort man wees wat jou vrou nodig het (en verdien)! As jy gereed is, kom laat ons gaan.

To act covertly. The definition of covert is hidden, secret or disguised. How many times have you hidden things or done things secretly? “But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.” Eph. 5:13. You may have covered it up with everyone, even your wife, but there is One from whom you cannot hide. If you have done things in secret, then you have dealt treacherously with your wife.

Om onderlangs op te tree. Die definisie van onderlangs is weggesteek, geheim of verbloem. Hoeveel keer het jy dinge weggesteek of dinge in geheim gedoen? “Maar alles word aan die kaak gestel wanneer die lig daarop val. En as iets bekend geword het, is dit in die lig.” Efe. 5:13,14. Jy mag dit dalk met almal bedek het, selfs jou vrou, maar daar is Een van wie jy nie kan wegkruip nie. As jy dinge in die geheim gedoen het, dan het jy verraderlik teenoor jou vrou opgetree.

To pillage is the act of taking goods by force, also to attack, defraud, or rob. You may be looking at this in the context of actual material goods, but what is most important to a woman is not the material goods, but the emotional goods. Have you attacked her verbally, or have you robbed her of joy because of your anger? Have you also robbed her of joy because of the unrealistic demands that you have put on her? Have you been a man that continually takes from her, giving very little in return? Now do you wonder why your marriage is in the state that it is in? My friend, there is a Savior who is waiting for you to lay this all down at the cross. HE is there to forgive you, if you repent.

Om te plunder is die optrede om goedere deur geweld te neem, ook aanval, bedrieg, of beroof. Jy mag dalk hierna kyk in die konteks van eintlike materialistiese goedere, maar wat mees belangrik is vir ‘n vrou is nie materialistiese goed nie, maar die emosionele goedere. Het jy haar verbaal aangeval, of het jy haar vreugde van haar beroof as gevolg van jou woede? Het jy ook haar vreugde gesteel as gevolg van die onrealistiese vereistes wat jy op haar geplaas het? Was jy ‘n man wat voortdurend van haar neem, en haar baie min teruggee? Nou wonder jy waarom jou huwelik in die toestand is wat dit is? My vriend, daar is ‘n Redder, wat vir jou wag om dit alles by die kruis neer te lê. HY is daar om jou te vergewe, as jy tot inkeer kom. 

Dealing deceitfully. Most of us are so good at talking around the truth, and our excuse is that we can’t tell our wives the truth because we don’t want to hurt them. Or, when we are confronted with the truth, we tell our wife that it’s her fault because, you always get on me and I don’t need a mother. Well, do we need a mother? If there is nothing wrong with what we are doing, why do we need to hide it?

Tree bedrieglik op. Meeste van ons is so goed om om die waarheid te praat, en ons verskoning is dat ons nie vir ons vrouens die waarheid kan vertel nie omdat ons hulle nie wil seermaak nie. Of, wanneer ons deur die waarheid gekonfronteer is, sê ons vir ons vrou dit is haar skuld, omdat jy   altyd karring en ek het nie ‘n moeder nodig nie. Wel, ons het ‘n moeder nodig? As daar niks verkeerd is met wat ons besig is om te doen nie, waarom het ons nodig om dit weg te steek? 

Let’s take a hard look at Scripture and stop making excuses. “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who tells lies will not escape.” Prov. 19:5. Also, as we learned in the last chapter, “There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, a false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers.” Prov. 6:16-19.

Kom ons kyk hard na die Skrif en hou op om verskonings te maak. “n Vals getuie bly nie ongestraf nie; wie leuens kwytraak, kom nie vry nie.” Spr. 19:5. Ook, soos wat ons in die laaste hoofstuk geleer het, “Die HERE haat ses dinge, nee, daar is sewe waarvan Hy 'n afsku het: oë wat straal van hoogmoed, 'n tong wat lieg, hande wat met bloed bevlek is, gedagtes wat met komplotte besig is, voete wat net een koers ken, dié van die kwaad, 'n getuie wat lieg en iemand wat rusie stook tussen broers. “Spr. 6:16-19.

Offend. When you offend your wife, do you really care? Or do you just think or say it’s her problem. Men and women were created and brought together to complement one another. Our wives need our strength and leadership, and we men most desperately need our wife's refinement.

Aanstoot. Wanneer jy jou vrou aanstoot gee, gee jy regtig om? Of dink jy net en sê dit is haar probleem. Mans en vrouens was geskep en saam gebring om mekaar te komplimenteer. Ons vrouens het ons krag en leierskap nodig, en ons mans het mees desperaat ons vrouens se verfyning nodig.

How do you dress? What about those comfortable clothes you wear around the house that she finds so unappealing? What you wear in the presence of your wife speaks volumes as to how much or how little you care. How are your manners? Do you open doors for her and help her put her coat on? Do you treat your wife with honor? What are you teaching your children by your poor example?

Hoe trek jy aan? Wat van daardie gemaklike klere wat jy om die huis dra wat sy onaantreklik vind? Wat jy in die teenwoordigheid van jou vrou dra praat volumes oor hoeveel of hoe min jy omgee. Hoe is jou maniere? Maak jy deure vir haar oop en help haar om haar jas aan te trek? Behandel jy jou vrou met eer? Wat leer jy jou kinders deur jou swak voorbeeld?

Transgress. Webster says that to transgress means to go beyond a limit. Men and women both have a limit to how much they can take before they actually break. It may be that they break physically or emotionally. One of three things usually happens when a person is pushed beyond what they can endure: they learn to fight back, they walk away, or they stay until they are destroyed. Whose fault is it if you push your own wife too far? “And He said to His disciples, ‘It is inevitable that stumbling blocks should come, but woe to him through whom they come!’ ” Luke 17:1.

Oortree. Die woordeboek sê dat om te oortree beteken om bo die limiet te gaan. Mans en vrouens het albei ‘n beperking van hoeveel hulle kan vat voordat hulle eintlik breek. Dit mag wees dat hulle fisies of emosioneel breek. Een van drie dinge gebeur gewoonlik wanneer ‘n persoon gedruk word bo wat hulle kan verduur; hulle leer om terug te baklei, hulle loop weg, of hulle bly totdat hulle vernietig is. Wie se skuld is dit as jy jou eie vrou te ver druk? “Jesus het vir sy dissipels gesê: “Dit is onvermydelik dat daar dinge kom wat mense laat struikel. Maar ellende wag vir die mens wat die oorsaak daarvan is.’ ” Lukas 17:1.

Depart. It is sad to see so many men leaving their families only to find new wives and new families for which to care. It is so frustrating to see these men paying so much attention to children that are not their own, while at the same time their own children are falling apart emotionally due to their abandonment. “Like a bird that wanders from her nest, So is a man who wanders from his home.” Prov. 27:8.

Vertrek. Dit is hartseer om te sien hoe soveel mans hulle families verlaat net om nuwe vrouens en families te vind om te versorg. Dit is so frustrerend om te sien hoe baie aandag hierdie mans aan kinders gee wat nie hulle eie is nie, terwyl tersefdertyd val hule eie kinders emosioneel uitmekaar as gevolg van die agterlating. “Soos 'n voël wat sy nes net so los, so is 'n man wat sy gesin in die steek laat.” Spr. 27:8.

Unfaithful. Have you ever been unfaithful to your wife? Many of us have to hang our heads in shame and say “yes.” But for those of you who think that you got off on this one, let's look deeper. In our world today, this godless, sinful, perverted society, to be unfaithful is nothing short of laying with a woman that is not your wife. However, unfaithful also means: failing one’s trust; disloyal. Have you ever failed when your wife trusted in you? Have you ever put your loyalty to someone else above your loyalty to your wife? You know that you are to be “one” with the woman God has joined you with. This other person to whom you were loyal does not have to be someone of the opposite sex; they could be a friend or a family member.

Ontrou. Was jy ooit ontrou aan jou vrou? Baie van ons moet ons koppe in skaamte sak en “ja” sê.’ Maar aan die van julle wat dink dat jy afgekom het van hierdie een, kom on kyk dieper. In ons wêreld vandag, hierdie goddelose, sondevolle, perverse samelewing, om ontrou te wees is niks kort van om saam ‘n vrou te lê wat nie jou vrou is nie. Nietemin, ontrou beteken ook: om in iemand se vertroue te misluk; dislojaal. het jy al ooit misluk wanneer jou vrou jou vertrou het? Het jy al ooit jou lojaliteit aan iemand anders gegee bo die lojaliteit van jou vrou? Jy weet jy behoort “een” te wees met die vrou wat God jou saamgevoeg het. Hierdie ander persoon aan wie jy lojaal was hoef nie iemand van die teenoorgestelde geslag te wees nie; hulle kan ‘n vriend of familielid wees.

One of the most damaging and conflicting ties can be with your mother or your father. How do we know? Because the Lord Himself made special reference to it: “But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:6.

Een van die mees skadelike en teenstrydige bande kan met jou moeder of jou vader wees. Hoe weet ons? Omdat die Here Homself spesifieke verwysing daarna gemaak het. ” Maar van die begin af, van die skepping af, het God hulle man en vrou gemaak. Daarom sal 'n man sy vader en moeder verlaat en saam met sy vrou lewe, en hulle twee sal een wees,’ sodat hulle nie meer twee is nie, maar een.” Markus 10:6.

Abuse
Mishandel

Abuse my wife? You may deny that you abuse her because you never laid a hand on her. Or you may say you're not an abusive husband because you didn’t throw the first punch. Lets find out what abuse really is.

Mishandel my vrou? Jy mag ontken dat jy haar mishandel omdat jy nooit ‘n vinger op haar gelê het nie. Of jy mag sê dat jy nie ‘n mishandelende man is omdat jy nie die eerste vuishou gegee het nie. Kom ons vind uit wat mishandeling regtig is.

In the Webster’s dictionary, abuse is defined as: to misuse, to ill-treat, injure, to call someone foul names. Foul is defined as: to bring dishonor, indecent or profane, obnoxious or unpleasant.

In die woordeboek word mishandeling, definieer as: om te misbruik, sleg te behandel, beseer, om iemand vieslike name te noem. Vieslik word gedefinieer om oneer te bring, onwelvoeglik of profaan, aanstootlik of onplesierig. 

Misuse. God has blessed us with a wife. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” Prov. 18:22. And “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone….” Gen. 2:18.

Misbruik. God het ons met ‘n vrou geseën. “Wie 'n vrou kry, vind geluk en geniet die goedheid van die HERE.” Spr. 18:22. En “Verder het die HERE God gesê: “Dit is nie goed dat die mens alleen is nie….” Gen. 2:18.

God certainly had a good reason to bless you with a wife; however, she was not for you to use improperly or incorrectly. Your wife is (or was) a gift from God. Have you treated her that way?

God het sekerlik ‘n goeie rede gehad om jou en jou vrou te seën; nietemin, sy was nie vir jou om onbehoorlik of inkorrek te gebruik nie. Jou vrou is (of was) ‘n geskenk van God. Het jy haar so behandel?

Injure. Also in Webster’s, injure is defined as to inflict a wound or other physical hurt upon, to cause intangible or other physical hurt: to injure someone’s feelings. The Psalmist said, “Let those who are adversaries of my soul be ashamed and consumed; let them be covered with reproach and dishonor, who seek to injure me.” Ps. 71:13. God knows what is done in secret. “For nothing is hidden that shall not become evident, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come to light.” Luke 8:17. Let us not forget what the title verse is, “…the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” Mal. 2:14.

Beseer. Beseer word gedefinieer as om ‘n wond of ander fisiese seerkry toe te dien, om vatbare of ander fisiese seerkry te veroorsaak. om iemand se gevoelens seer te maak. Die Psalmdigter het gesê, “Laat dié wat my vals beskuldig, self in die ellende beland en vernietig word. Laat oor dié wat my ondergang soek, net skande en mislukking kom. “ Ps. 71:13. God weet wat in die geheim gedoen word “Daar is niks geheim wat nie openbaar sal word nie, of weggesteek wat nie bekend sal word en aan die lig sal kom nie.” Lukas 8:17. Laat ons nie vergeet wat die titel vers is nie, “... die HERE weet wat gebeur het tussen jou en die vrou met wie jy van jou jeug af getroud is: jy was ontrou aan haar, ontrou aan jou eie vrou, die vrou aan wie jy plegtig trou belowe het.” Mal. 2:14.

To call someone foul names. Again, foul is defined as: to bring dishonor, indecent or profane, obnoxious or unpleasant. We just read in the previous chapter “Thrusts of a Sword” about the tongue and the horrible results, which come when a person cannot control the contents of what they say. Unfortunately, many of us would never want to admit that when we say things to our wives that are unpleasant that we are abusing (misusing) what God has given to us. “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1Pet. 3:7.

Om iemand vieslike name te noem. Weer, vieslik is definieer as: om oneer te bring, onwelvoeglik, onaangenaam of onplesierig. Ons het net in die vorige hoofstuk “Dolksteke” gelees oor die tong en die aaklige resultate, wat kom wanneer ‘n persoon nie die inhoud van wat hulle sê kan beheer nie. Ongelukkig sal baie van ons nooit erken dat wanneer ons dinge vir ons vrouens sê wat onplesierig is dat ons ons vrouens mishandel (misbruik) wat God vir ons gegee het. “Mans, julle moet verstandig met julle vrouens saamleef. Bewys eer aan hulle as die swakker geslag wat saam met julle deel in die lewe as genadegawe. Dan sal julle kan bid sonder dat iets julle hinder.” 1Pet. 3:7.

The Violent Man
Die Gewelddadige Man

Does the Bible even mention the violent man?
Noem die Bybel selfs die gewelddadige man?

Yes. Many Scriptures, especially the Psalms, give us insight into the violent man. As a matter of fact, the entire 140th Psalm is about the violent man... “Rescue me, O Lord from evil men; preserve me from violent men, who devise evil things in their hearts; they continually stir up wars. They sharpen their tongues as a serpent; poison of a viper is under their lips. Keep me O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men who have purposed to trip up my feet.” Ps. 140:1-4. Is this a description of you? Be honest with yourself. Have you ever devised an evil plan against your wife, a way to get even, or teach her a lesson? Do you stir up wars or arguments? Does she ask you to stop speaking cruel words to her? Do you ignore her cries? Do you twist her words and what she is saying for the purpose of tripping her up? If so, then you are a violent man.

Ja. Baie Bybel verse, spesiaal die Psalms, gee ons insig in die gewelddadige man. Om die waarheid te sê, die hele 140ste Psalm gaan oor die gewelddadige man…Red my van mense wat sleg is, Here, beskerm my teen mense wat geweld pleeg, wat slegte dinge bedink en elke dag vyandskap aanblaas. Hulle tonge is so giftig soos slange, hulle woorde so venynig soos adders. Sela Hou my uit die mag van die goddeloses, Here, beskerm my teen mense wat geweld wil pleeg, wat planne maak om my uit die pad te kry.” Psalms 140: 1-4. Is dit ‘n beskrywing van jou? Wees eerlik met jouself. Het jy al ooit ‘n bose plan teen jou vrou gesmee, ‘n manier om haar terug te betaal, of om haar ‘n les te leer? Veroorsaak jy oorloë of argumente? Vra sy jou om op te hou om wrede woorde vir haar te sê? Ignoreer jy haar pleidooie? Verdraai jy haar woorde en wat sy sê sodat jy haar kan maak struikel? Indien so, dan is jy ‘n gewelddadige man.

The violent man. “The Lord lives and blessed be my rock; and exalted be God the rock of my salvation, the God who executes vengeance for me, and brings down peoples under me, who also brings me out from my enemies; Thou dost even lift me above those who rise up against me; Thou dost rescue me from the violent man.” 2Sam. 22:47-49. The wife who trusts the Lord will see herself rescued from a violent husband. Perhaps this has already happened. Is this why she has left you or asked you to leave? Maybe you are still denying that you are a violent man. Let us look more deeply into the Word of God for more truth.

Die gewelddadige man. “Die Here leef! Ek loof Hom wat my rots is. Ek prys my God wat my verlos het Dit is God wat my die oorwinning gee, wat volke aan my onderwerp.Hy red my van my vyande. Ja, U stel my buite bereik van my teëstanders, U bevry my van geweldenaars.”2Sam. 22:47-49. Die vou wat op die Here vertrou sal haarself gered vind van ‘n gewelddadige man. Miskien het dit aleeds gebeur. Is dit waarom sy jou verlaat het of jou gevra het om te gaan? Miskien ontken jy nog steeds dat jy ‘n gewelddadige man is. Kom ons kyk meer dieper in die Woord van God vir meer waarheid.

What does the word “violent” really mean?
Wat beteken die woord “gewelddadig” regtig?

Cruel. The word violent in the Greek language is chamac which means to maltreat, make bare, violate, to be cruel, or to cause a false injustice. Be honest with yourself. Does this describe you?

Wreed. Die woord gewelddadig in die Griekse taal is chamac wat beteken om te mishandel, kaal te maak, om wreed te wees, of om ‘n vals onreg te veroorsaak. Wees eerlik met jouself. Beskryf dit jou?

The Lord has been a witness. “Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit…Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. ‘For I hate divorce’, says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘and him who covers his garment with wrong,’ says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Mal. 2:14-16.

Die Here weet wat gebeur het. “Dit is omdat die Here weet wat gebeur het tussen  jou en die vrou met wie jy van jou jeug af getroud is:  jy was ontrou aan haar, ontrou aan jou eie vrou, die vrou aan wie jy plegtig trou belowe het.” Die Here het man en vrou een gemaak, een in liggaam en gees. En waarom een? Omdat Hy wil hê dat daar 'n nageslag moet wees wat Hom eer. Beheers julle, moenie ontrou wees aan die vrou met wie jy van jou jeug af getroud is nie. Die Here die God van Israel sê Hy haat egskeiding. Egskeiding is niks anders as geweld nie, sê die Here die Almagtige. Beheers julle, moenie ontrou wees nie.” Mal. 2:14-16.

Root Causes of Abuse and Misuse Why do I treat my wife this way?
Wortel Oorsake van Mishandeling en Misbruik Waarom behandel ek my vrou so?

When we violate Biblical principles, we suffer the consequences. There are guidelines for the married man, and violating these guidelines will lay a foundation for insensitivity to the “wife of your youth.”

Wanneer ons Bybel beginsels oortree, ly ons onder die nagevolge. Daar is riglyne vir die getroude man, en om hierdie riglyne te oortree sal ‘n fondasie lê vir onsensitiwiteit vir die “vrou van jou jeug.”

Cleave to wife. “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Gen. 2:24. Cleaving is defined as “a desperate holding onto.” This is quite clearly not happening today since so many of us leave our wives.

Saam sy vrou lewe. “Daarom sal 'n man sy vader en moeder verlaat en saam met sy vrou lewe, en hulle sal een word.” Gen. 2:24. Saam jou vrou lewe. Dit gebeur duidelik nie vandag nie omdat so baie van ons ons vrouens verlaat.

Are you still trying to please or get approval from the family that you should have left? We are to honor our parents, but, clearly, Scripture says that we are also to honor our wife. “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1Pet. 3:7.

Is jy nog steeds besig om van die familie wat jy verlaat het te behaag of erkenning te kry? Ons eer ons ouers , maar, duidelik, sê die Skrif dat ons ons vrou ook moet eer. “Mans, julle moet verstandig met julle vrouens saamleef. Bewys eer aan hulle as die swakker geslag wat saam met julle deel in die lewe as genadegawe. Dan sal julle kan bid sonder dat iets julle hinder.” 1Pet. 3:7.

When you have a division between what your wife may think or feel and what your parents think or feel, what is a man to do? Whom should he honor? Jesus told us by quoting Genesis, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.” Matt. 19:5. He also said, “Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matt. 19:6.

As jy verdeling tussen wat jou vrou mag dink of voel en wat jou ouers dink of voel het, wat moet ‘n man doen? Wie behoort hy te eer? Jesus het vir ons gesê deur Genesis aan te haal,  “Daarom sal 'n man sy vader en moeder verlaat en saam met sy vrou lewe en hulle twee sal een wees.” Matt. 19:5. Hy het ook gesê, “Hulle is dus nie meer twee nie, maar een. Wat God dan saamgevoeg het, mag 'n mens nie skei nie.” Matt. 19:6.

Still tied. Take a moment to ponder this; perhaps you have not really “left” your mother and/or father. Sure you have left physically, but are you still tied to them since your loyalty has remained with your parents? Leave your parents, cleave to your wife, and rejoice in the wife of your youth! (Prov. 5:18.)

Nog steeds vas. Neem ‘n oomblik om hieroor te dink; miskien het jy nie regtig jou moeder en/of vader “verlaat” nie. Sekerlik het jy fisies, maar jy is nog steeds aan hulle vas aangesien jou lojaliteit by jou ouers gebly het? Los jou ouers, leef saam jou vrou, verheug jou oor jou eie vrou! (Spr. 5:18.)

Love. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved….” Eph. 5:25. “So husbands ought also to love their own wives….” Eph. 5:28. “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.” Col. 3:19. Ever since the feminist movement permeated the church with lies, there has been a “blending” of the roles and commandments given to men and women. We continue to hear others say that God commanded men and women to love their spouses. This “command” was only given to the husband. Actually, the only “reference” for a woman to love her husband is given in Titus, where the older woman is encouraged to teach the younger to love her husband and her children. “You shall not add to the word which I am commanding you….” Deut. 4:2. Does that mean a wife isn’t to love her husband? Emphatically no! “…and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us….” Eph. 5:2.

Liefde. “Mans, julle moet julle vrouens liefhê soos Christus die kerk liefgehad…” Efe. 5:25 ‘ Die mans behoort hulle vrouens so lief te hê…” Efe. 5:28.  Mans, julle moet julle vrouens liefhê, moenie die lewe vir hulle bitter maak nie.” Kol. 3:19. Vandat die feministiese beweging die kerk binnegdring het met leuens was daar ‘n vermenging van die rolle en gebooie wat aan mans en vrouens gegee is. Ons hoor dikwels ander sê dat God man en vrouens beveel het om lief te wees vir hulle gades. Hierdie “bevel” was net vir die man gegee. Eintlik die enigste verwysing vir ‘n vrou om haar man lief te hê is in Titus, waar die ouer vrou aangemoedig is om die jonger vrou te leer om vir haar man en kinders lief te wees. Moenie iets byvoeg by wat ek julle beveel nie ….” Deut. 4:2. Beteken dit dat ‘n vrou nie lief moet wees vir haar man nie? Nadruklik nee! “...Lewe in liefde, soos Christus ons ook liefgehad en om ons ontwil sy lewe as 'n offergawe gegee het….” Efe. 5:2.

Since our wife is asked to respect and submit to us, we should make it easy for her by loving her as we are commanded to in Ephesians 5. Does your wife have trouble respecting you? Pray for opportunities to gain her respect. Do something that would require character, humility or some other attribute that may be lacking in you.

Aangesien ons vrou gevra word om ons te respekteer en aan ons onderdanig te wees, moet ons dit vir haar maklik maak deur haar lief te hê soos wat ons in Efesiërs 5 beveel is. Het jou vrou ‘n probleem om jou te respekteer? Bid vir geleenthede om haar respek te win. Doen iets wat karakter vereis,  nederigheid of n‘ kenmerk wat in jou tekort skiet.

In short, show her a godly man. The result will be a deep love for you. “We love, because He first loved us.” 1John 4:19. Our wives will love us because of our love for God. When we follow His commands, we will become more like Him.

Kortliks, wys vir haar ‘n goddelike man. Die resultaat sal ‘n diep liefde vir jou wees. “Ons het lief omdat God ons eerste liefgehad het.” 1Joh. 4:19. Ons vrouens sal vir ons lief wees as gevolg van ons liefde vir God. Wanneer ons sy bevele volg, sal ons meer soos Hy word.

Separate us? A husband who shows true love for his wife, the way he is commanded, will be protected from separation or divorce. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” Rom. 8:35.

Skei ons? ‘n Man wat ware liefde vir sy vrou wys, die manier wat hy beveel is, sal beskerm word van skeiding en egskeiding. “Wie kan ons van die liefde van Christus skei? Lyding of benoudheid of vervolging, honger of naaktheid, gevaar of swaard? Rom. 8:35.

Love controls us. Your love for your wife will motivate her to do as you ask, just as love is our children’s motivation to obey us as their parents. “For the  love of Christ controls us….” 2Cor. 5:14.

Liefde beheer ons. Jou liefde vir jou vrou sal haar motiveer om te doen wat jy vra, net soos wat liefde ons kinders se motivering is om ons te gehoorsaam as ouers. “ Die liefde van Christus dring ons…..” 2 Kor. 5:14.

Walk in love. Saying you love her is not enough. Sometimes our actions speak louder than our words. “…and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us….” Eph. 5:2. If you live separately from your wife, begin now to treat her the way you should. Show her the love that is described in 1Cornthians chapter 13, which is unconditional, non-judgmental whenever you have an opportunity to see, write or talk to her.

Lewe in liefde. Om te sê jy is lief vir haar is nie genoeg nie. Somtyds spreek ons aksies harder as woorde. “...Lewe in liefde, soos Christus ons ook liefgehad en om ons ontwil sy lewe as 'n offergawe gegee het….” Efe. 5:2. As jy apart van jou vrou bly, begin om haar te behandel soos jy behoort. Wys vir haar die liefde wat in 1 Korintiërs hoofstuk 13 beskryf is, wat onvoorwaardelik, nie-veroordelend is wanneer jy ookal die geleeentheid het om haar te sien, skryf of met haar te praat.

One flesh. “So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.’ ” Gen. 2:21. “AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8. “Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matt. 19:6.

Een wees. “Toe het die HERE God 'n diep slaap oor die mens laat kom, sodat hy vas geslaap het. Die HEREe God neem toe 'n ribbebeen uit die mens, vul die plek met vleis op, en die ribbebeen wat Hy uit die mens geneem het, bou Hy om tot 'n vrou en bring haar na die mens toe.  Toe sê die mens: “Hierdie keer is dit een uit myself, een soos ek. Daarom sal sy ‘vrou’ genoem word; sy is uit die man geneem.’ ” Gen. 2:21. EN HULLE TWEE SAL EEN WEES,’ sodat hulle nie meer twee is nie, maar een.” Markus 10:8. “Hulle is dus nie meer twee nie, maar een. Wat God dan saamgevoeg het, mag 'n mens nie skei nie.” Matt. 19:6.

A woman doesn't desire physical oneness as much as she desires her husband to be “one” with her emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Do you and your wife have the same goals and directions? Did you allow or encourage division in your home? Did you encourage your wife to pursue a degree or career that has eventually caused division? God created woman to help and complete the man. Once a marriage takes place, they are “no longer two, but one flesh.” This means that they live their lives together in one accord. They are not to live as “roommates” with each having their own life apart from the other.

‘n Vrou begeer nie fisiesie eenheid soveel as wat sy begeer dat haar man “een” met haar emosioneel, spiritueel, en geestelik moet wees. Het jy en jou vrou dieselfde doelwitte en rigings? Het jy skeiding in jou huis aangemoedig of toegelaat? Het jy jou vrou aangemoedig om ‘n graad agterna te sit wat uiteindelik skeiding veroorsaak het? God het die vrou geskep om te help en die man te voltooi. Sodra die huwelik plaasvind, is hulle “nie meer twee nie maar een.” Dit beteken hulle lewe hulle lewens saam in een akkoord. Huelle moet nie as kamermaats lewe nie met elkeen wat hulle eie lewe apart van die ander het. 

Man independent of woman? We are to be one flesh in our heart and our desires. God created women with certain needs, and we, as men, also have needs. The voids in my life and in my wife's life were created as a type of working gear that fits together perfectly as we meet each other's needs.

Man onafhanklik van vrou? Ons moet een saam in ons hart en ons begeertes wees. God het vrouens geskep met sekere behoeftes, en ons, as mans, het ook behoeftes. Die leemtes in my lewe en in my vrou se lewe was geskep as ‘n soort werk rat wat perfek saam pas soos wat ons in mekaar se behoeftes voorsien.

When we fill our voids ourselves or apart from our wife, the gear slips. The more we fill or the more our wife fills her voids inappropriately, the more our relationship slips until there is nothing left to hang on to. The world tells our wives to fulfill their needs and to let us as men fend for ourselves. Co-dependency is a popular psychological fad these days to convince us that it is not good for a husband and wife to be dependent upon each other. But what does God's Word say about our dependency for one another as a married couple?

Wanneer ons ons leemtes onsself of apart van ons vrou vul, gly die rat. Hoe meer ons of ons vrou ons leemtes onvanpas vul, hoe meer sal ons verhouding gly totdat daar niks oor is om aan te klou nie. Die wêreld sê vir ons vrouens om hulle behoeftes te vervul en om ons as mans te laat  alleen klaarkom. Medeafhanklikheid is ‘n populêre sielkundige gier deesdae om ons te oorreed dat dit nie goed is vir ‘n man en vrou om afhanklik van mekaar te wees nie. Maar wat sê God se Woord oor ons afhanklikheid vir mekaar as ‘n getroude paartjie?

“However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man.” 1Cor. 11:11-12. When we violate God’s ways, we reap the consequences. Pray for opportunities to meet your wife’s needs right now, even if you are not in the home.

“Tog het die Here bepaal dat die vrou nie sonder die man sal bestaan nie, en die man nie sonder die vrou nie, want soos die vrou uit die man geneem is, so kom die man deur die vrou in die wêreld, maar alles is uit God.” 1 Kor. 11:11-12. Wanneer ons God se wee oortree, dra ons die nagevolge. Bid vir geleenthede om nou in jou vrou se behoeftes te vervul, selfs al is jy nie in die huis nie.

In toil. “Then to Adam He said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life.” Gen. 3:17. After the fall of man, the man and the woman were each given a punishment. The woman was given pain in childbirth, and the man was to toil the ground or work. So why is the man’s punishment now shared by both the man and the woman?

Met swaarkry. ‘Vir die mens het die Here God gesê: “Omdat jy na jou vrou geluister het en geëet het van die boom waarvan Ek jou verbied het om te eet, “is die aarde deur jou toedoen vervloek; met swaarkry sal jy daaruit 'n bestaan maak, jou lewe lank.” Gen. 3:17. Na die val van die mens, het die man en die vrou elkeen straf gekry. Die vrou was pyn in kindergeboorte gegee, en die man moes die grond met swaarkry bewerk. So waarom word die man se straf nou deur beide die man en die vrou gedeel?

When women earn their own money apart from their husband’s, they can make their own decisions about how it is to be spent. When wives have a different career than that of the home and children, it divides the couple's interests and makes them independent from each other. This is exactly what happens when wives work outside the home as a second provider.

Wanneer vrouens hulle eie geld apart van hulle mans sin verdien, kan hulle hulle eie besluite maak oor hoe dit spandeer moet word. Wanneer vrouens ‘n verskillende loopbaan as die van haar huis en kinders het, skei dit die paartjie se belange en maak hulle onafhanklik van mekaar. Dit is presies wat gebeur wanneer vrouens buite die huis werk as ‘n tweede voorsiener.

Protector. When your wife protects herself because she feels she can (or has to) “fight her own battles,” why does she need you? Is it your wife who tells that salesperson off or gets rid of “that guy at the door?” Have you forgotten how to handle these situations? Who really wears the pants in the family; who really is stronger?

Beskermer. Wanneer jou vrou haarself beskerm omdat sy voel sy kan (of moet) “haar eie gevegte veg,” waarom het sy jou nodig? Is dit jou vrou wat vir die verkoopsman afsê of ontslae raak van “daardie ou by die deur?” Het jy vergeet hoe om hierdie situasise te hanteer? Wie dra regtig die broek in die familie; wie is regtig sterker?

We must acknowledge that many times our wives have taken over because of our neglect. Either we didn’t take on the challenge, or we were absent because of our job, hobby or whatever. Once you can acknowledge this, you will be able to confess your shortcomings as a protector to your wife. You must then begin to take on each challenge that comes against your family. You might say that you would attack anyone trying to kill a member of your family, but what about the bad waiter at the restaurant, the rude repairman? What about your disrespectful teenager? Do you allow attacks on your wife? Are your children keenly aware that they would have you to contend with if they even looked the wrong way at their mother? Even if you are living apart, pray for an opportunity to show her your ability to protect her.

Ons moet erken dat baie keer het ons vrouens oorgeneem as gevolg van ons verwaarlosing. Of ons het nie die uitdaging aangeneem nie, of ons was afwesig as gevolg van ons werk, stokperdjie of watookal. Sodra jy dit kan erken, sal jy in staat wees om oor jou tekortkominge as ‘n beskermer aan jou vrou te bely. Jy mag sê dat jy enigiemand sal aanval wie probeer om ‘n lid van jou familie dood te maak, maar wat van die slegte kelner by die restaurant, die ongeskikte hersteller? Wat van jou oneerbiedige tiener? Laat jy aanvalle op jou vrou toe? Is jou kinders skerp bewus dat hulle jou het om mee te wedywer as hulle selfs verkeerd na hulle moeder kyk? Selfs as jy apart lewe, bid vir ‘n geleentheid om vir haar jou vermoë om haar te beskerm te wys.

Ask their own husbands at home. Men, are you the leader in spiritual matters? Does your wife run to ask you what you think as the spiritual leader, or would she say, “Why would I go to him?” “What does he know, I'm the one going to all the Bible studies, seminars, and even sitting on all the church committees!” Her desire is for you to be the spiritual leader. “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.” Prov. 31:23.

Vra hulle eie mans by die huis. Mans, is jy die leier in geestelike aangeleenthede? Hardloop jou vrou om jou te vra wat jy dink as die geestelike leier, of sou sy sê, “Waarom sou ek na hom toe gaan?” Wat weet hy, ek is die een wat na al die Bybel studies, seminaars toe gaan, en sit selfs op al die kerk komitees!” Haar begeerte is vir jou om die geestelike leier te wees. “ Haar man is welbekend by die stadspoort waar hy saam met die leiers beraadslaag.” Spr. 31:23.

But many of us seem to have more important things to do than to lead our family spiritually, like playing a sport, working at hobbies, hunting, watching television or a movie, or just meeting the “guys.” After all, if your wife or children have a spiritual question, they have the pastor or the Sunday school teacher to go to for answers. “And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church.” 1Cor. 14:35. Take the time now to get into God's Word and prepare yourself.

Maar baie van ons lyk asof ons meer belangrike dinge het om te doen as om ons familie geestelik te lei, soos om sports te speel, aan ons stokperdjies te werk, te jag, televisie of ‘n fliek te kyk, of net met die “ouens” te kuier. Buitendien, as jou vrou of kinders ‘n geestelike vraag het, het hulle die pastoor of die Sondagskool onderwyser om na toe te gaan vir antwoorde. “As hulle iets te wete wil kom, moet hulle tuis hulle eie mans vra, want dit is lelik vir 'n vrou om in die erediens te praat.” 1Kor. 14:35. Neem die tyd nou om in God se Woord te kom en berei jouself voor.

Father. Husbands clearly have been pushed out of their role as fathers. Many men are criticized for the way they handle, or treat, the children so often that they just stop “interfering.” God gave each of us a mother and a father with their distinct characteristics so we could grow up without a bunch of hang-ups or emotional troubles. Children need both parents. But, again, if the roles are blended and blurred, who needs a father? “Honor your father and mother; and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matt. 19:19. When you have your children with you, keep them in line and teach them to obey and show respect to their mother when they are with her. (This goes for children of any age: 5, 15, or 25!)

Vader. Mans, is duidelik uit hulle rolle as vaders gedruk. Baie mans word so dikwels kritiseer vir die manier wat hulle die kinders hanteer, of behandel, dat hulle ophou om “in te meng.” God gee elkeen van ons ‘n moeder en ‘n vader met hulle afsonderlike karaktertrekke sodat ons kan grootword sonder ‘n klomp kwessies of emosionele probleme. Kinders het albei ouers nodig. Maar weer, as die rolle vermeng of wasig is, wie het ‘n vader nodig? ”eer jou vader en jou moeder en: jy moet jou naaste liefhê soos jouself.” Matt. 19:19. Wanneer jy kinders by jou het, hou hulle in toom en leer hulle om te gehoorsaam en respek vir hulle moeder te wys wanneer hulle by haar is. (Dit gaan vir kinders van enige ouderdom: 5. 15, of 25!)

Who should be the Spiritual Leader?
Wie behoort die Geestelike Leier te wees?

One question many women ask is: “Who should be the Spiritual Leader since my husband won’t or doesn’t do it?” Or, many women will state, “I have to be the Spiritual leader of our home because my husband is not even a Christian!” Why are so many men neglecting or forfeiting their position as the spiritual head of their family?

Een vraag wat baie vrouens vra is: “Wie behoort die Geestelike Leier te wees aangesien my man nie wil nie of hy doen dit nie?” Of, baie vrouens sal verklaar, “ek moet die Geestelikee leier van ons huis wees omdat my man nie eens ‘n Christen is nie!” Waarom verwaarloos of  verbeur so baie mans hulle posisie as die geestelike hoof van hulle familie? 

Her husband is known. All Christian women desire their husband to be the spiritual leader. “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.” Prov. 31: 23. Women many times have had to take over the leadership positions. The world's philosophy has destroyed our nation, and it is destroying the church. Men have neglected their positions in the church. They have left to pursue other interests. When men left the church, many of the wives fell into the hands of liberated pastors that have taken many women captive. “For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 2Tim. 3:6-7.

Haar man is welbekend. Alle Christen vrouens begeer dat hulle mans die geestelike leiers moet wees. “Haar man is welbekend by die stadspoort waar hy saam met die leiers beraadslaag.” Spr. 31:23. Vrouens moet baie keer die leierskap posisies oorneem. Die wêreld se filosofie het ons nasie vernietig, en dit vernietig die kerk. Mans het hulle posisie in die kerk afgeskeep. Hulle is weg om ander belange agterna te sit. Wanneer mans die kerk verlaat, val baie van die vrouens in die hande van vrygestelde pastore wat baie vrouens gevange neem. “Party van hulle dring in die huise in en kry liggelowige vroue wat met sonde belaai is en deur allerlei sinlike begeertes gedryf word, in hulle mag, vroue wat altyd iets wil leer, maar tog nooit tot die kennis van die waarheid kan kom nie.” 2 Tim. 3:6-7.

Good for nothing. Too many churches are now overrun, for the most part, with weak men and strong women. This is causing ineffectiveness in the church because many of the men are MIA! “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how will it be made salty again? It is good for nothing anymore, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.” Matt. 5:13. Get totally involved in church if you have lost your family. Do it now while you have the time.

Goed vir niks. Te veel kerke is nou platgeloop, vir die meeste deel, met swak mans en sterk vrouens. Dit veroorsaak die oneffktiwiteit in die kerk omdat baie van die mans VIA! is “Julle is die sout vir die aarde. Maar as sout verslaan het, hoe kry 'n mens dit weer sout? Dit is niks meer werd nie. Dit word buitekant weggegooi, en die mense vertrap dit.” Matt. 5:13. Raak totaal by die kerk betrokke as jy jou familie verloor het. Doen dit nou terwyl jy tyd het.

Be subject to your own husbands in everything. Men have you looked to your wife to lead your family? “Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord…to their husbands in everything.” Eph. 5:22-24. It is clear from the above Scripture that God has put all husbands in the Spiritual leadership role of the home. Let’s see what happens when things get out of order.

Vrouens, wees aan julle mans onderdanig in alls. Mans kyk jy na jou vrou om jou familie te lei?  “Vrouens, wees aan julle mans onderdanig net soos julle aan die Here onderdanig is …in alles.” Efe. 5:22-24.  Dit is duidelik uit die bogenoemde Bybel vers dat God alle mans in die Geestelike leierskap rol van die huis geplaas het. Kom ons sien wat gebeur wanneer dinge uit orde raak.

No one can serve two masters. When men neglect to lead their families and to take responsibility for what goes on in their homes, their wife and children will begin to hate them. Remember, you have turned over most of your responsibility to other people or institutions. Why would they listen to you? “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other.” Matt. 6:24.

Niemand kan vir twee base tegelyk werk nie. Wanneer mans versuim om hulle families te lei en verantwoordelikheid te neem vir wat in hulle huise aangaan, sal hulle vrou en kinders begin om hulle te haat. Onthou, jy het meeste van jou verantwoordelikheid oorgegee aan ander mense of institusies. Waarom sou hulle na jou luister? “Niemand kan vir twee base tegelyk werk nie. Hy sal óf die een minder ag en die ander een hoër, óf vir die een meer oorhê en die ander een afskeep. Julle kan nie God én Mammon dien nie.” Matt. 6:24.

You often see this when a child who once listened to his parents is sent off to school. All of a sudden, they tell their parents what their teacher said is right and they are now wrong. Some men send their sons and daughters off to college, along with their money (as the bumper sticker says), when those kids return home for break, they treat their fathers like the town idiot! (See Chapter 14 “Father’s Instruction” in A Wise Man.)

Jy sien dit dikwels wanneer ‘n kind eens op ‘n keer na sy ouers geluister het en skool toe gestuur word. Ewe skielik, sê hulle vir hulle ouers wat hulle onderwyser gesê het is reg en hulle is nou verkeerd. Sommige mans stuur hulle seuns en dogters kollege toe, saam met hulle geld (soos wat die bufferbiljet sê), wanneer daardie kinders terugkom vir ‘n breek, behandel hulle hulle vaders soos die stads idioot! (Sien Hoofstuk 14 “Vader se Instruksie” in ‘n Wyse Man.)

He will do it. Does your wife act as though she is your personal Holy Spirit? Why does she do this? Again, because of your neglect and your stupidity on Spiritual matters. Does your wife know her Bible better than you do? Or worse, are your children better versed in Scripture than you are? Do you as the father make sure that your children are in Sunday school or pay for Christian school, but neglected to know the stuff yourself?

Hy sal dit doen. Tree jou vrou op asof sy jou persoonlike Heilige Gees is? Waarom doen sy dit? Weer, as gevolg van jou afskeep en jou onnoselheid aangaande Geestelike aangeleenthede. Ken jou vrou haar Bybel beter as wat jy doen? Of erger, is jou kinders beter gevers in die Bybel as wat jy is? Maak jy as die Vader seker dat jou kinders in Sondagskool is of betaal jy vir Christen skool, maar versuim om die goed jouself te ken.

If you think it is too late or that you are too far behind to get ahead of your wife and children to properly lead them, you are wrong. Since God has called you to be the leader of your home, He will enable you to do so.

As jy dink it is te laat of dat jy te ver agter is om voor jou vrou en kinders te kom om hulle behoorlik te lei, dan is jy verkeerd. Aangesien God jou geroep het om die leier van jou huis te wees, sal Hy jou in staat stel om dit te doen.

We must confess our sin of neglect. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16. Confess to your wife and children. Then pray for opportunities to lead them spiritually. Talk to your children about the Lord and tell them how He's helping you.

Ons moet ons sonde van afskeep bely. “Bely julle sondes eerlik teenoor mekaar en bid vir mekaar, sodat julle gesond kan word. Die gebed van 'n gelowige het 'n kragtige uitwerking.” Jakobus 5:16. Bely aan jou vrou en kinders. Bid dan vir geleenthede om hulle geestelik te lei. Praat met jou kinders oor die Here en vertel hulle hoe Hy jou help.

Boast about our weaknesses. “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2Cor. 12:9. When your wife attacks you and points out your failures – jump in, agree with her and boast. This is humility in action!

Roem oor jou swakhede. “Sy antwoord was: “My genade is vir jou genoeg. My krag kom juis tot volle werking wanneer jy swak is.” Daarom sal ek baie liewer oor my swakhede roem, sodat die krag van Christus my beskutting kan wees.” 2Kor. 12:9. Wanneer jou vrou jou aanval en jou terkortkominge uitwys —spring in, stem saam en roem. Dit is nederigheid in aksie!

And above all, trust the Lord. “Commit your way to the lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.” Ps. 37:5. If you want to begin leading your family spiritually, begin first with a time of prayer. Then begin reading your Bible regularly. God will lead you and direct your paths if your efforts are sincere.

En bo alles, vertrou op die Here. “Laat jou lewe aan die Here oor en vertrou op Hom; Hy sal sorg.” Ps. 37:5. As jy wil begin om jou familie geestelik te lei, begin eers met tyd van gebed. Begin dan om jou Bybel gereeld te lees. God sal jou lei en jou die regte pad laat loop as jou pogings opreg is.

Washing of water with the Word. Men, you must be extremely careful about what you say to your wife, what you read to your wife, and what you encourage her to look at. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.” Eph. 5:25-27.

Gereinig met die water en die woord. Mans julle moet uiters versigtig wees oor wat jy vir jou vrou sê, wat jy vir jou vrou lees, en wat jy haar aanmoedig om na te kyk. “Mans, julle moet julle vrouens liefhê soos Christus die kerk liefgehad en sy lewe daarvoor afgelê het. Dit het Hy gedoen om die kerk aan God te wy, nadat Hy dit met die water en die woord gereinig het, sodat Hy die kerk in volle heerlikheid by Hom kan neem, sonder vlek of rimpel of iets dergeliks, heilig en onberispelik.” Efe. 5:25-27.

If you are separated or divorced, read your verses out loud. Then ask the Lord to wash her where she is. Continue after you are together. This is what Hosea did with Gomer: “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her…For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, so that they will be mentioned by their names no more.” Hosea 2:14, 17.

As jy uitmekaar of geskei is, lees jou verse hardop uit. Vra dan die Here om haar te was waar sy is. Gaan voort nadat julle saam is. Dit is wat Hosea met Gomer gedoen het: “Tog sal Ek weer begin om haar die hof te maak. Ek sal haar na die woestyn toe bring en mooi dinge vir haar sê… Ek sal sorg dat jy die name van die Baäls nie weer noem nie en dat jy hulle nooit weer aanroep nie.” Hosea 2:13, 16.

You may complain about her nagging or lying or the way she gets into crazy conflicts with you; yet, do you ever stop to think what you are watching as a family every day on television? Is it the stupid sitcom programs where the men are portrayed as buffoons and the women are all contentious comedians? What movies do you saturate your wife and children in? What type of movies are you watching? The next time you, your wife, or your family sits down to watch anything, just think of it as a “training film.” The behavior you and your family are watching will be learned and acted out!

Jy mag kla oor haar neulery of lieg of die manier wat sy in mal konflikte met jou betrokke raak; tog, stop jy ooit om te dink wat jy as ‘n familie elke dag op teleisie kyk? Is dit die onnosele sitkom waar die mans uitgebeeld is as buffels en die vrouens is almal twisgierige komediante? Watter flieks deurweek jy jou kinders en jou vrou in? Watter soort flieks kyk jy? Die volgende keer wat jy, jou vrou, of jou familie gaan sit om enigiets te kyk, dink net daaraan as ‘n “opleidings” fliek. Die gedrag wat jy en jou familie besig is om te kyk sal geleer en uitgeoefen word!

The narrow gate. Men, go through the narrow gate and stop spending so much time watching the television. Stop sending your weekly or monthly dues to Hollywood, via the movie theater or video store. “Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it.” Matt. 7:13.

Die nou poort. Mans, gaan deur die nou poort en hou op om so baie tyd te spandeer deur televisie te kyk. Hou op om jou weeklikse of maandelikse fooie Hollywood toe te stuur, deur die fliek teater of video winkel. “Gaan deur die nou poort in. Die poort wat na die verderf lei, is wyd en die pad daarheen breed, en dié wat daardeur ingaan, is baie.” Matt. 7:13.

Stop making lame excuses to cover up your compromising leadership. Spend your time delighting yourself in the Lord. Remember, He promises to give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4.)

Ho op om lam verskonings te maak om jou kompromitantte leierskap te bedek. Spandeer jou tyd deur jou vreugde in die Here te vind. Onthou, Hy belowe om jou te gee wat jou hart begeer. (Ps. 37:4.)

Practicing your righteousness before men. Do you go to church just to let others see the man that you are pretending to be? “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 6:1. Our actions must be an outpouring of what is in us.

Godsdienstige pligte nakom om deur mense gesien te word. Gaan jy net kerk toe sodat ander die man wat jy voorgee om te wees te laat sien? “Moenie julle godsdienstige pligte in die openbaar nakom om deur mense gesien te word nie, want dan kry julle geen beloning van julle Vader wat in die hemel is nie.” Matt. 6:1. Ons aksies moet ‘n uitstorting wees van wat binne ons is.

You will know them by their fruits. What are your fruits as a Christian? “You will know them by their fruits.” Matt. 7:16. If you, as the husband and father, are not leading your family daily in the Word, then you are producing thorns, not fruit. Do you read your Bible daily? If so, for how long? Compare the time you spend reading the newspaper or the sports page versus reading the Word. Are you able to comprehend anything that you are reading in this book? Can anyone see any change in you as a result of reading this book?

Aan hulle vrugte sal julle hulle ken. Wat is jou vrugte as ‘n Christen? “Aan hulle vrugte sal julle hulle ken.” Matt. 7:16. As jy, as die man en vader, nie jou familie daagliks in die Woord lei nie, dan produseer jy dorings, nie vrugte nie. Lees jy jou Bybel daagliks? Indien so, vir hoe lank? Vergelyk die tyd wat jy spandeer deur die koerant of die sports bladsy versus die Woord. Is jy in staat om enigiets wat jy in hierdie boek lees te begryp? Kan enigiemand enige verandering in jou sien as ‘n resultaat van die lees van hierdie boek?  

“For if anyone is a hearer of the Word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man shall be blessed in what he does.” James 1:23-25. I heard a preacher just recently ask by a show of hands how many people believed what they read in the newspaper. Hardly anyone raised a hand. Then he asked them how many believed that the Bible was true. Virtually everyone raised their hand. Then he said, "Why do you spend more time reading what you don't believe than what you do believe?"

“Iemand wat altyd net die woord aanhoor en nooit doen wat dit sê nie, is soos een wat na sy gesig in 'n spieël kyk: hy bekyk homself, gaan van die spieël af weg en vergeet dadelik hoe hy gelyk het. Maar iemand wat hom verdiep in die volmaakte wet wat 'n mens vrymaak, en hom daaraan hou en nie vergeet wat hy hoor nie, maar dit doen, hy sal gelukkig wees in wat hy doen.” Jakobus 1:23-25. Ek het ‘n prediker net onlangs gehoor vra deur ‘n wys van hande hoeveel mense glo wat hulle in die koerant lees. Skaars enigiemand het ‘n hand gelig. Toe vra hy hulle hoeveel glo dat die Bybel waar is. Amper almal het hulle hande gelig. Toe sê hy, “Waarom spandeer jy meer tyd deur te lees wat jy nie glo nie as om te lees wat jy wel glo?”

Bridle his tongue. “If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless.” James 1:26. We just covered the importance of your wife being washed by the water of the Word. Do you read the Scriptures to her daily or ever? When was the last time you spewed unkind words at her? We must get control of our violent and hurtful tongues!

Sy tong in toom. “As iemand dink hy is godsdienstig, maar hy hou nie sy tong in toom nie, bedrieg hy homself. Sy godsdiens is waardeloos.’ Jakobus 1:26. Ons het die belangrikheid van jou vrou wat deur die water van die Woord gewas moet word gedek. Lees jy die Bybel daagliks vir haar of ooit? Wanneer was die laaste keer wat jy onvriendelike woorde na haar toe gespoeg het? Ons moet beheer kry oor ons gewelddadige en kwetsende tonge!

The savior. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” Eph. 5:23. The husband is the Savior of the body. Maybe you think your wife is to be the savior. When there is a financial crisis (or any crisis), it’s the man who should “save the day.” Don't encourage your wife to run out to get a job or make a financial plan. This is only robbing you of a blessing. Men, you must fulfill your role as the head of the home and the savior of the body. Pray for the Lord to bless you financially, and then turn around and bless your wife with your abundance.

Die Verlosser. “Die man is die hoof van die vrou, soos Christus die hoof van die kerk is. Christus is ook die Verlosser van die liggaam, sy kerk.” Efe. 5:23. Die man is die Verlosser van die liggaam. Miskien dink jy jou vrou moet die verlosser wees. Wanneer daar ‘n finansiële krisis (of enige krisis) is, is dit die man wat “die dag red.” Moet nie jou vrou aanmoedig om te gaan om werk te kry of ‘n finansiële plan te maak nie. Dit beroof jou van ‘n seën. Mans, julle moet julle rolle vervul as die hoof van die huis en die verlosser van die liggaam. Bid vir die Here om jou finansieël te seën, en draai dan om en seën jou vrou met die oorvloed. 

Created to carry the burdens. You were created to carry the burdens of the family. Just look at your broad and muscular shoulders compared to your wife's shoulders. Women have even tried to imitate those shoulders with shoulder pads! Men are really designed to work best under pressure. Maybe you think you can’t handle the pressures because you’ve always had your wife as your safety net.

Geskep om laste te dra. Jy was geskep om die laste van die familie te dra. Kyk net na jou breë en gespierde skouers in vergelyking met jou vrou se skouers. Vrouens het selfs probeer om daardie skouers na te boots met skouer kussings! Mans is regtig ontwerp om die beste onder druk te werk. Miskien dink jy jy kan nie die druk hanteer omdat jy nog altyd jou vrou as veligheids net gehad het.

A woman was created to handle many things at once. She has the home with each facet – each child, their various ages, personalities, needs; the meals, the cleaning, the continual tidying, the projects. Women seem like they can do it all. But while they are pretending to do it all, what are we doing? Sadly enough, we're usually playing sports or watching television.

‘n Vou was geskep om baie dinge op een slag te hanteer. Sy het die huis met elke faset - elke kind, hulle verskillende ouderdomme, persoonlikhede, behoeftes; die maaltye, die skoonmaak, die voortdurende opruim, die projekte. Vrouens lyk asof hulle dit alles kan doen. Maar terwyl hulle voorgee om dit alles te doen, wat doen ons? Hartseer genoeg, ons speel gewoonlik sports of kyk televisie.

Feeds us. You know that you are supposed to “bring home the bacon,” but there is spiritual food that your children and your wife are literally starving for! “…for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church….” Eph. 5:29. This feeding must be from “God’s Word.” Most men feel inadequate in this area. Many don’t know where to begin. Pray to the Lord for strength and guidance daily! Satan will attack you in this area because he knows how important this area is to regaining leadership of your family. He will make you feel worthless, incapable, and downright stupid. I know. He did with me! He will use strife with your wife and children to stop your times of reading God’s Word. Are you man enough to fight back in the spirit?

Voed ons. Jy weet dat jy veronderstel is om die “spek huis toe te bring,” maar daar is geestelike kos wat jou kinders, en jou vrou letterlik voor honger ly!... ”want niemand het nog ooit sy eie liggaam gehaat nie. Inteendeel, hy voed en versorg dit, soos Christus met sy kerk doen…” Efe.5:29. Hierdie voeding moet uit “God se Woord” wees. Meeste mans voel onvoldoende in hierdie area. Baie weet nie waar om te begin nie. Bid daagliks aan die Here vir krag en leiding! Satan sal jou in hierdie area aanval omdat hy weet hoe belangrik hierdie area is om leierskap van jou familie te herwin. Hy sal jou waardeloos, onbekwaam, en reguit onnosel  maak voel. Ek weet. Hy het dit met my gedoen! Hy sal twis met jou vrou en kinders gebruik om jou tye om God se Woord te lees te stop. Is jy mans genoeg om in die gees terug te baklei?

Begin to win one battle at a time to gain the momentum you need to become victorious in this area of your family's spiritual life. Don’t just send them off to Bible studies, seminars, Sunday school and Vacation Bible School. To be an effective leader in your home, you must resist the temptation to give your leadership over to others. If you feel you don’t have enough time, pray that God will show you where you should cut back and how you should feed your family daily from God’s Word. Do it now. Pray just a short prayer, and then obey. It would be wise to write God’s plan down on a piece of paper and put it in a place where you will continually see it.

Begin om een stryd op ‘n tyd te wen om die momentum te verkry wat jy nodig het om oorwinnend in hierdie area van jou familie se geestelike lewe te word. Moet hulle nie net na die Bybel studie, seminare, Sondagskool en Vakansie Bybel Skool toe stuur nie. Om ‘n effektiewe leier in jou huis te wees, moet jy die versoeking weerstaan om jou leierskap vir ander te gee. As jy voel jy het nie genoeg tyd nie, bid dat God jou sal wys waar jy moet terugsny en hoe jy jou familie daagliks uit God se Woord moet voed. Doen dit nou.  Bid net ‘n kort gebed, en gehoorsaam. Dit sal wys wees om God se plan op ‘n stukkie papier te skryf en dit op ‘n plek te sit waar jy dit voortdurend sal sien. 

Personal Commitment: To stop living treacherously with my wife. “Based on what I have learned in Scripture, I commit to renew my mind with the truth. I confess that I have lived with my wife in a treacherous way and I am seeking God for the power to change. I am also committing to washing my wife in the Word and to leading my family spiritually.”

Persoonlike Toewyding: Om op te hou om verraderlik met my vrou te leef. “Gebasseer op wat ek in die Bybel geleer het, wy ek my daaraan toe om my verstand te hernu met die waarheid. Ek bely dat ek saam my vrou op ‘n verraderlike manier geleef het en ek streef God na vir die krag om te verander. Ek wy myself ook daaraan toe om my vrou met die Woord te was en om my familie geestelik te lei.