Note: This chapter is designed to minister to men whose wives are in adultery. If it is you who has committed adultery, please do not use this chapter to judge your wife's lack of forgiveness towards you!

Nota: Hierdie hoofstuk is ontwerp om aan mans te minister wie se vrouens in owerspel is. As dit jy is wie owerspel gepleeg het, moet asseblief nie hierdie hoofstuk gebruik om jou vrou se tekort aan vergiffenis teenoor jou te oordeel nie!

Should adultery ever be forgiven? What did Jesus do? This is what He said to the woman caught in adultery: “Did no one condemn you? …Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on, sin no more.” John 8:10-11.

Behoort owerspel ooit vergewe word? Wat het Jesus gedoen? Dit is wat Hy vir die vrou gesê het wat in owerspel gevang was: Toe het Hy regop gekom en vir haar gevra: “Mevrou, waar is hulle? Het nie een van hulle die oordeel oor jou voltrek nie?...Ek doen dit ook nie. Gaan maar en moet van nou af nie meer sonde doen nie.” Joh. 8:10-11.

Are you without sin, that you should cast the first stone at your wife? Jesus also said, to the people who wanted this woman found in adultery punished, “He who is without sin among you, cast the first stone.” John 8:7. Are you without sin? “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8.

Het jy ‘n skoon gewete, dat jy die eerste klip op jou vrou behoort te gooi? Jesus het ook gesê, aan die mense wie hierdie vrou wat in owerspel gevang was gestraf wou hê: “Laat die een van julle wat 'n skoon gewete het, eerste 'n klip op haar gooi.” Joh. 8:7. Is jy sonder sonde? “ As ons beweer dat ons nie sonde het nie, bedrieg ons onsself en is die waarheid nie in ons nie.” 1 Joh. 1:8.

If you choose not to forgive her. What are the grave consequences of not forgiving? “But if you do not forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will not forgive your transgressions.” Matt. 6:15.

As jy kies om haar nie te vergewe nie. Wat is die swaar nagevolge van om nie te vergewe nie? “Maar as julle ander mense nie vergewe nie, sal julle Vader julle ook nie julle oortredings vergewe nie.” Matt. 6:15.

When God refers to adulterers and fornicators, He says, “And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the spirit of our God.” 1Cor. 6:9-11. “For…the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.” 1Cor. 7:14. Since you and your wife are one flesh, we, at Restore Ministries, suggest that you draw closer to God and allow Him to begin transforming you into His image. As you cleave to God, wonderful and amazing things will begin happening to your wife since you are one flesh!

Wanneer God na egbrekers en onsedelikes verwys, sê Hy, “En so was party van julle juis ook. Maar julle het julle sonde laat afwas, julle is geheilig, julle is vrygespreek in die Naam van die Here Jesus Christus en deur die Gees van ons God.” 1Kor. 6:9-11.  Die ongelowige man is by God aanneemlik deur die band met die gelowige vrou, en die ongelowige vrou is by God aanneemlik deur die band met die gelowige man. Anders sou julle kinders heidene wees, maar nou behoort hulle aan God.” 1Kor. 7:14. Aangesien jy en jou vrou een vlees is, stel ons, by Herstel Bediening voor dat jy nader aan God beweeg en Hom toelaat om jou in Sy beeld te begin hervorm. Soos wat jy aan God kleef, sal wonderlike en ongelooflike dinge met jou vrou begin gebeur aangesien julle een vlees is!                     

But this is not the first time she has committed adultery! Let us remember what Jesus said to us when asked how often we are to forgive someone. “If he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” Luke 17:4.

Maar dit is nie die eerste keer wat sy owerspel pleeg nie! Laat ons onthou wat Jesus gesê het toe gevra was hoe dikwels ons iemand moet vergewe. “Selfs as hy sewe maal op 'n dag verkeerd optree teen jou en sewe maal na jou toe terugkom en sê: ‘Ek is jammer,’ moet jy hom vergewe.” Lukas 17:4.

But she hasn’t repented! As Jesus hung on the cross for your sins, He cried out, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34. Will you demand from your wife what Jesus, though completely innocent, did not demand from those persecuting him?

Maar sy het nie tot inkeer gekom nie! Soos wat Jesus vir jou sonde aan die kruis gehang het, het Hy uitgeroep,  “Vader, vergeef hulle, want hulle weet nie wat hulle doen nie!” Lukas 23:34. Sal jy van jou vrou eis wat Jesus, alhoewel heeltemal onskuldig, nie van die geeis het wat hom vervolg het nie?

“Don’t be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” God specifically asked His prophet Hosea to remarry his wife, Gomer, even after she was blatantly unfaithful to him. “…for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband….” “…then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.’ ” “Then the Lord said to me (Hosea), ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress…’ ” Hosea 2:2, 2:7, 3:1 God used the story of Hosea and Gomer to show His commitment to His own bride, the Church.

“Moet jou nie deur die kwaad laat oorwin nie, maar oorwin die kwaad deur die goeie.” God het spesifiek vir Sy profeet Hosea gevra om weer met sy vrou, Gomer, te trou, alhoewel sy blatant ontrou was aan hom. “... Sy is nie meer my vrou nie, Ek is nie meer haar man nie….” “...sal sy dalk sê: “Ek sal na my eie man toe teruggaan, want ek was by hom beter versorg as nou.’ ”Die Here het vir my gesê: Gaan knoop weer 'n liefdesverhouding aan met 'n vrou wat vir ander mans lief is en egbreuk pleeg…’ “ Hosea 2:1, 2:6, 3:1 God het die storie van Hosea en Gomer gebruik om Sy toewyding aan Sy eie bruid, die kerk te wys.

Was lost. “And the older son said to his father ‘But when this son of yours came, who devoured your wealth with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’ ” Luke 15:30. The father responded to his older son, “But we had to be merry and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.” Luke 15:32.

Was verlore. “Maar nou dat hierdie seun van Pa, wat Pa se goed met prostitute deurgebring het, terugkom, het Pa vir hom die vetgemaakte kalf geslag!’ “Lukas 15:30. Die vader het teenoor sy oudste seun reageer, “Maar ons kan tog nie anders as om fees te vier en bly te wees nie, want hierdie broer van jou was dood, en hy lewe weer; hy was verlore, en ons het hom teruggekry.’ ” Lukas 15:32

Can I ever trust her again? God said to trust Him, and then you will be blessed with a faithful wife. “…Cursed is the man who trusts mankind and makes flesh his strength… Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord.” Jer.17:5,7.

Kan ek haar ooit weer vertrou? God het gesê om op Hom te vertrou, en dan sal jy geeën wees met ‘n getroue vrou. “ … Daar rus 'n vloek op die mens wat sy vertroue in mense stel, wat sy krag soek by sterflike mense … Dit gaan goed met die mens wat sy vertroue in die Here stel, die mens vir wie die Here 'n veilige vesting is” Jer. 17:5,7.

How can I help my wife? Help your wife by forgiving her, by loving her, and by praying for her. “Keep watching and praying, that you may not come into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Mark 14:38. Every one who allowed God to turn the heart of their spouse testifies that God removed their spouses yearning for another. God may bring other tests into our lives to be sure, but not adultery. When God heals, it is finished. It is a complete healing and deliverance from adultery. But, remember, if you sow in the flesh, you will reap in the flesh. Men, if you coerce or entice your wife to return home, you will reap consequences. Learn to wait. When it is the blessing of the Lord, He will add no sorrow to it! (Prov. 10:22)

Hoe kan ek my vrou help? Help jou vrou deur haar te vergewe, deur lief te wees vir haar en deur vir haar te bid. “Julle moet waak en bid, sodat julle nie in versoeking kom nie. Die gees is wel gewillig, maar die vlees is swak.” Markus 14:38. Elkeen wie vir God toegelaat het om die hart van hulle gade te draai getuig dat God hulle gades se hunkering vir ‘n ander verwyder het. God mag ander toetse in ons lewens bring om seker te wees, maar nie owerspel nie. Wanneer God genees, is dit klaar. Dit is ‘n kompleet genesing en uitlewering van owerspel. Maar, onthou, as jy in die natuur saai, sal jy in die natuur oes. Mans, as jy jou vrou forseer of lok om huis toe te kom, sal jy die nagevolge oes. Leer om te wag. Wanneer dit die Here se seën is, sal jy nie daarvoor swoeg nie! (Spr. 10:22). 

What does His Word say we are to do (or not do) if our wife is in adultery?

Wat sê Sy Woord moet ons doen (of nie doen) as ons vrou in owerspel is?

We are not to flatter. We are, instead, to edify. “A man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his steps.” Prov. 29:5. “Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification.” Eph. 4:29. While you are busy tearing your wife down and trying to hurt her, the OM is building her up. While you were disagreeing with your wife, the OM was agreeing with her. You MUST edify your wife.

Ons moet nie vlei nie. Ons moet, eerder opbou. “'n Man wat 'n ander vlei, is besig om hom in 'n strik te laat loop.” Spr. 29:5. “Vuil taal moet daar nooit uit julle mond kom nie; praat net wat goed en opbouend is volgens die eis van omstandighede, sodat dit julle hoorders ten goede kan kom.” Efe. 4:29. Terwyl jy besig is om jou vrou af te kraak en haar te probeer seermaak, is die AM besig om haar op te bou, Terwyl jy besig is om nie instemmend met jou vrou te wees nie, het die AM met haar saamgestem. Jy MOET jou vrou opbou.

What, you may ask, is the difference between flattering and edifying? When someone flatters, their purpose or motivation is to gain some benefit from their statement(s). One who has chosen to edify, or build up another, is giving from their heart and expecting nothing in return. Two men can be saying the same thing, yet their motives can be very different.

Wel jy mag vra, wat is die verskil tussen vlei en opbou? Wanneer iemand vlei, is hulle doel of motivering om een of ander voordeel uit hulle verklaring(s) te kry. Een wie kies om op te bou, of ‘n ander op te bou, gee van hulle hart en verwag niks terug nie. Twee mans kan dieselfde ding sê, tog is hulle  motiewe heeltemal anders.

God may bring on His wrath, if YOU walk in humility. “Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. For on account of these things the wrath of God will come.” Col. 3:5-6. “For we know Him who said, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ and again, ‘The Lord will judge His people.’ It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” Hebrew 10:30-31.

God mag Sy straf bring, as JY in nederigheid loop. “Daarom moet julle die aardse dinge doodmaak wat nog deel van julle lewe is: onsedelikheid, onreinheid, wellus, slegte begeertes, en gierigheid, wat afgodery is. Deur sulke dinge kom die straf van God oor die mense wat aan Hom ongehoorsaam is.” Kol. 3:5-6. “Ons weet tog wie Hy is wat gesê het: “Dit is mý reg om te straf; Ek sal vergeld;” en verder: “Die Here sal oor sy volk oordeel.” Dit is verskriklik om in die hande van die lewende God te val.” Hebreërs 10-31.

Again, if you haven’t forgiven, you may be joyful about the “wrath from God.” This, too, is dangerous. “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; lest the LORD see it and be displeased, And He turn away His anger from him.” Prov. 24:18.

Weer, as jy nie vergewe het nie, mag jy vreugdevol wees oor die “straf van God.” Dit, ook, is gevaarlik. “Moet jou nie verheug oor jou vyand se val nie, moenie juig wanneer hy ondergaan nie. “ Die HERE sal sien wat jy doen, en dit sal verkeerd wees in sy oë, en Hy sal jou vyand nie verder straf nie.” Spr. 24:18.

Do not be deceived into thinking that you need to look into what your wife is doing. “For nothing is hidden that shall not become evident, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come to light.” Luke 8:17. “For it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.” Eph. 5:12. (The testimonies of those who did spy or investigate are tragic. Please don’t make the same mistake!)

Moet nie mislei wees om te dink dat jy nodig het om inspeksie te neem met wat jou vrou besig is om te doen nie. “Daar is niks geheim wat nie openbaar sal word nie, of weggesteek wat nie bekend sal word en aan die lig sal kom nie.” Lukas 8:17. “Dit is 'n skande om selfs te praat oor die dinge wat die ongehoorsame mense in die geheim doen.” Efe. 5:12. (Die getuienis van diegene wie spioneer het of ondersoek het is tragies. Moet asseblief nie dieselfde fout maak nie!)

The Adulterer and the Adulteress
Die Egbreeker en die Egbreekster

She does not know it. “She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it.” Prov. 5:3-6. Do not expect your wife to act logically or listen to reason if she is in adultery. The very worst thing you can do is to try to talk to her about her situation. And the second worst thing is to seem baffled by how she is acting or what she is doing. Helping you understand this tragic situation is why we have put this chapter in the book. This is a spiritual battle, so fight it spiritually by no longer perishing for a lack of knowledge.

Jy (Sy)weet dit nie. “Sy (Hy) hou jou weg van die pad van die lewe af, sy (hy) laat jou dwaal, en jy weet dit nie. “Spr. 5:3-6. Moet nie verwag dat jou vrou logies optree of probeer om met haar te praat oor haar situasie nie. En die ergste ding wat jy kan doen is om te probeer om met haar te praat oor haar situasie. En die tweede ergste ding is om stomgeslaan te wees oor hoe sy optree of wat sy besig is om te doen. Om jou te help om hierdie tragiese situasie te verstaan is waarom ons hierdie hoofstuk in die boek gesit het. Dit is ‘n geestelike stryd, so baklei dit geestelik deur nie meer te vergaan as gevolg van ‘n tekort aan kennis nie.  

The adulteress is out of the home! “A woman comes to meet him, dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart, she is boisterous and rebellious; her feet do not remain at home.” Prov. 7:5. Please read Lesson 13 “Provide for His Own” in A Wise Man, our manual for men. It answers many of the questions you may be asking yourself now like: Could my wife’s “career” outside the home have been part of the cause of our home crumbling? Why did I allow or encourage my wife to help me provide? Now she has her own money, her own friends, and her own life! “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1Tim. 5:8. You must claim His promise: “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19.

Die egbreekster is uit die huis uit! “ Daar kom die vrou hom tegemoet; sy dra die klere van 'n prostituut, sy is 'n vrou met listige planne. Sy is luidrugtig en uitdagend, haar huis is te nou vir haar; “Spr. 7:5. Lees asseblief Les 13 “Voorsien vir Sy Eie” in ‘n Wyse Man, ons handleiding vir mans. Dit beantwoord baie van die vrae wat jy jouself mag vra soos: Kon my vrou se “loopbaan” buite die huis deel wees van waarom ons huis verkrummel het? Waar het ek toegelaat of my vrou aangemoedig om my te help voorsien? Nou het sy haar eie geld, haar eie vriende, en haar eie lewe! “As iemand nie vir sy eie mense en veral nie vir sy huisgesin sorg nie, het hy die geloof verloën en is hy slegter as 'n ongelowige.” 1Tim. 5:8. Jy moet Sy belofte eis: “En my God sal in elke behoefte van julle ryklik voorsien volgens sy wonderbaarlike rykdom in Christus Jesus.” Fil. 4:19.

The adulteress is deceived into thinking that she has done nothing wrong. “This is the way of an adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done nothing wrong.’ “ Prov. 30:20. If you desire your wife to return to you, follow these guidelines. “Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” Rom. 2:4. Show your wife kindness, not condemnation or criticism. Make sure that she KNOWS that you take the full responsibility for her adultery, just as Jesus takes the full responsibility for our sins. Then nail her sins to the cross of Jesus and walk in the love and forgiveness that will annihilate the enemy and his schemes!

Die ontrou vrou word bedrieg deur te dink dat sy niks verkeerd gedoen het nie. “Die ontroue vrou het haar eie manier: sy eet en vee haar mond af en sê: “Ek het niks verkeerds gedoen nie.’ “Spr. 30:20. As jy ‘n begeerte het vir jou vrou om terug te kom na jou toe, volg hierdie gidslyne. “God is ryk in goedheid, verdraagsaamheid en geduld! Sê dit vir jou niks nie? Besef jy nie dat God jou deur sy goedheid tot bekering wil lei nie? Rom. 2:4. Bewys aan jou vrou vriendelikheid, nie kondemnasie of kritiek nie. Maak seker dat sy WEET dat jy volle verantwoordelikheid neem vir haar owerspel, net soos wat Jesus volle verantwoordelikheid neem vir ons sondes. Spyker dan haar sondes aan die kruis van Jesus en loop in die liefde en vergiffenis wat die vyand en sy skemas sal vernietig!

This is a Spiritual battle. It must be fought and won in the Spirit. Please reread Chapter 15 “Weapons of Our Warfare” to understand more about Spiritual Warfare. We also have examples of prayers in Chapter 17 that work mightily against adultery. Always ignore and resist the temptation to fight in the flesh, either viciously or enticingly. Books, talk shows, and well-meaning friends may try to sway you to either administer the “tough-love” approach, which will lead to even more hurt and a complete disaster of your restoration, or to be more romantic or seductive to win her back. Neither of these is the cause nor the solution to this sin. It is a Spiritual Battle. It must be fought and won in the Spirit. Love, as described in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, is always the right response!

Dit is ‘n Geestelike stryd. Dit moet in die Gees geveg en gewen word. Herlees asseblief Hoofstuk 15 “Wapens van Ons Oorlogvoering” om meer te verstaan van Geestelike Oorlogvoering. Ons het ook voorbelde van gebede in Hoofstuk 17 wat kragtig teen owerspel werk. Weerstaan altyd die versoeking om in die natuur te baklei, eerder venynig of aanlokkend. Boeke, geselsprogramme, en wel-menende vriende mag jou oorreed om eerder die “tawwe liefde” benadering te administreer, wat sal lei tot selfs meer seerkry en ‘n algehele ramp van jou herstel, of om meer romanties of meer verleidelik te wees om haar terug te wen. Nie een van hierdie is die oorsaak of oplossing van haar sonde nie. Dit is ‘n Geestelike Stryd. Dit moet in die Gees baklei en gewen word. Liefde, soos in 1 Korintiërs Hoofstuk 13, is altyd die regte reaksie!  

Once your wife shows you that she feels she is able to trust you (because she knows that you are not going to try to make her to come back, but that you have let her go) then it is time to allure her as it describes in the book of Hosea. If you want a good teaching on this topic, the Q&A video “Alluring and Unconditional Love” has helped many who are now restored.

Sodra jou vrou jou wys dat sy voel dat sy in staat is om jou te vertrou (omdat sy weet dat jy nie gaan probeer om haar te maak terugkom nie, maar dat jy haar laat gaan het) dan is dit tyd om haar die hof te maak soos wat dit in die boek van Hosea beskryf. As jy goeie onderrig oor hierdie onderwerp wil hê, die V&A video “Alluring and Unconditional Love” het baie gehelp wie nou herstel is.

By agreement. Many ask what they should do if their unfaithful wives approach them for physical intimacy. “But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self- control.” 1Cor. 7:2-5.

Met wedersydse toestemming. Baie vra wat hulle behoort te doen as hulle ontrou vrouens hulle nader vir fisiese intimiteit. “Maar weens die gevare van onsedelikheid behoort elke man sy eie vrou te hê en elke vrou haar eie man. Die man moet sy huweliksplig teenoor sy vrou nakom, en net so ook die vrou teenoor haar man. Die vrou beskik nie oor haar eie liggaam nie, maar die man; net so beskik die man ook nie oor sy eie liggaam nie, maar die vrou. Moenie vir mekaar omgang weier nie, behalwe met wedersydse toestemming en net vir 'n bepaalde tyd om julle aan die gebed te wy. Daarna moet julle weer saamkom, sodat die Satan julle nie miskien weens julle gebrek aan selfbeheersing verlei nie.” 1Kor. 7:2-5.

This verse clearly covers those who are still legally married. If a divorce has taken place, give no appearance of evil. This is the time that you must abstain from intimacy even if she pursues you.

Hierdie vers bedek duidelik diegene wie nog steeds wetlik getroud is. As ‘n egskeiding plaasgevind het, bly weg van alles wat sleg is. Dit is die tyd wat jy van intimiteit moet wegbly selfs al sit sy jou agterna. 

Personal Commitment: To forgive. “Based on what I have learned in Scripture, I commit to trusting the Lord and refuse to fight in the flesh. I will continue to forgive my wife daily and forgive all others who have been or are currently involved. I will stay meek as I walk in a spirit of forgiveness.”

Persoonlike Toewyding: Om te vergewe. “Gebasseer op wat ek geleer het in Skriftuur, wy ek my daaraan toe om op die Here te vertrou en weier om in die natuur te veg. Ek sal voortgaan om my vrou daagliks te vergewe en vergewe ander wie was en of is huidig betrokke. Ek sal sagmoedig bly soos wat ek in die gees van vergiffenis loop.”

 

BONUS

Wat om te doen wanneer jy Egskeiding in die Gesig Staar

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